I'm not sure if you can read the sign on this small factory between the godforsaken townships of Thorne and Moorends east of Doncaster. It says "The Real Yorkshire Pudding Company" and below there was this sign which gay men should not misinterpret!
Please understand that I was on the premises of The Real Yorkshire Pudding Company and not the Unreal Yorkshire Pudding Company. At the Real Company, ingredients used include milk, eggs, plain flour and pinches of salt. At the Unreal Company they use magic mushrooms, French brandy, ouzo, Nescafe and other hallucinogenic substances and liquids which regularly blow people's minds.
My advice is this - if buying Yorkshire puddings - either from a supermarket or some sort of eating place - you must ask whether or not the Yorkshire puddings in question are real as the consumption of unreal Yorkshire puddings can be extremely injurious to one's mental health.
You may be wondering what I was doing at The Real Yorkshire Pudding Factory. Well, I have been asked to star in a sequence of TV ads for the company, extolling the virtues of the humble pudding after which I took my famous pseudonym. Ideas to date include me canoeing down the River Wharfe in a giant Yorkshire pudding, singing "On Ilkley Moor" in a suit made from small Yorkshire puddings sewn together with bacon rind and distributing thousands of Yorkshire puddings to starving children in Lancashire. Possible slogans include "Keepin' It Real!", "It's the Real Thing!" and "Real em in!". Other advertising ideas will be most welcome.