Clarification

On Saturday I referred to my now defunct shower radio. Ever since then I have hardly slept a wink for I have in effect been traumatised by what I can only call a commenters' "pile on".

Why did I need a shower radio? How much time do you spend under the shower? Have you not heard of water conservation? "I am so quick in the shower that there would be no time to listen to a radio" and "I could not hear a shower radio above the noise of my super-duper  Australian shower".

These comments have hurt me so deeply that I seriously considered hanging up my blogging boots. However, instead, I have decided to simply clarify matters with a more detailed explanation of my shower radio usage.

Take today - just as an example. Downstairs, dressed in my silk ruby dressing gown, I consumed my chosen breakfast with a pint of tea, read a chapter of my current book and mooched around the internet for half an hour.

Then I mounted the stairs.

First thing I did was to grab my new portable radio and switch it on. Then it was hooked on to the bathroom window handle. Next I sat down on the porcelain throne to do what I have started to describe as a "donald". I think you will be able to guess what this means. All the time I am listening to the Naga Munchetty Show on Radio 5 Live. She is interviewing Amy Wallace who was Virginia Giuffre's ghost writer for "Nobody's Girl".

Off the throne, the horrible donald was flushed away and it was time to turn the shower on but before that I took some sharp scissors and clipped my sprouting nasal hair with the aid of the mirror on our bathroom cabinet door. Now the shower was running.

I am in there, quickly washing my hair and soaping my crevices. It does not take long  and then I rinse the soap and the shampoo away before commencing another task - wet shaving. I always do this in the shower. Sensitive gel is applied to my ugly face and, helped  by a circular shaving mirror, I carefully shave away my bristles with an old Gillette GII razor that I have been using for what - almost fifty years. (Of course the blades are replaced occasionally!)

By now the interview has finished and it's the Radio 5 Live News. Superhuman peacemaker Trump has stopped his unnecessary war with Iran yet again. Andy Burnham has been endorsed by pretty much every Labour MP to become Britain's next prime minister. We look forward to tomorrow's game with Argentina but how and why did Ann Widdecombe die?

I step out of the shower and dry my body. Hair first. I have never used a hair drier in my entire life. A bath towel does the job. I usually comb my hair before I have dried my toes. This morning I noticed that some nail clipping was necessary - especially as I am visiting an NHS podiatrist  on Thursday afternoon.

Next on the menu it's tooth brushing. I rinse my mouth and close one of the bathroom windows then I take the shower radio into our bedroom - still listening. 

Time to put on my fashionable Homer Simpson underpants before applying foot cream and underarm deodorant. Oh - and I remembered to spray "Forest Fresh" aftershave on my newly shaved visage.

The bed needs making and I fluff up the duvet and the pillows  before getting dressed. You can imagine that all of this took eighteen minutes. Plenty of time to listen to the radio and absorb some interesting stuff. I switch off the radio before heading downstairs.

So there we have it and I make no apology to circling hyenas here in the blogosphere. Please don't upset me any more by criticising my use of a shower radio. After all - I am like my preferred shaving gel - sensitive!