Kew

On my birthday, after an exquisite breakfast in "The Ritz", we ventured to Kew Gardens. I guess the last time we were there was in the mid-eighties when Ian was riding in his pushchair like The Prince of Siam.

We arrived at eleven in the morning and left at five in the afternoon but we could have stayed much longer because we missed certain things such as The Shirley Sherwood Gallery of botanical art and the Bonsai House. It would be impossible to cover everything in a single day at Kew Gardens.

The gardens have been in existence since 1772. They emerged from old royal estates that would at that time have been in open countryside west of London. The famous Palm House was constructed between 1844 and 1848. The establishment of Kew Gardens coincided with imperial exploration of the planet. Exotic plants were being brought back to London from every corner of the world.

The Palm House - after applying "Waterlogue"

Kew Gardens are much more than a leisure venue. Run by The Royal Botanical Society, they are underpinned by science and the thirst for knowledge and preservation of species. The gardens cover three hundred acres south of a loop in The River Thames near Richmond and they contain over 14,000 trees.

In the rafters of The Palm House

If you were to make a heat map showing which parts of Kew are most visited you would I am sure find that the three main glasshouses come top of the list - The Palm House, the newly refurbished Temperate House and The Princess of Wales Conservatory. On my birthday there were a lot of schoolchildren in these locations - holding clipboards and pens. They were also on The Treetop Walkway that I had been specially looking forward to.

It was a joy to stroll under majestic trees, along grassy avenues. There were redwoods, black pines, mighty English oaks and sweet chestnut trees. In the Victorian Palm House the tropical trees battle for light, soaring up to the glass rooftop and the air is warm and humid like a jungle.

One of my lasting memories of the birthday excursion will be the titan arum in The Princess of Wales Conservatory. This bizarre plant hails from the now shrinking jungles of Sumatra. It emerges from the earth like a mighty column, growing perhaps six inches a day until it finally bursts into bloom emitting a powerful odour like rotting meat that in the wild attracts varied pollinators. If you would like to know more about this amazing plant go here.

Titan arum -  Amorphophallus titanum

Seeing so many different plants together - from cacti to carnivores, from water lilies to pampas grasses, plants from every continent - it reminds visitors that we live on an amazing planet. Each plant is different and in its own way truly wonderful. Without necessarily spelling it out in written words, Kew Gardens announces the awesome majesty and incredible variety of the botanical world and says - Cherish and Save or Lose!

Nelumbo - "Baby Doll"

Sweet chestnut seen from the Treetop Walkway

Callianthe picta in The Temperate House

65

In London, I became sixty five years old. I am now officially a bona fide member of The Old Gits Club.

There I am on Monday evening in a corner of the Potli Indian restaurant wearing my party hat with my youthful wife beside me. On the other side of the camera there was Ian, Frances and her fiancee Stew. We had a £25 bottle of prosecco to begin proceedings and then tucked into a delightful Indian meal. My main course choice was Railway Mutton Curry - "Authentic Anglo-Indian dish from the days of Raj - mutton cooked on the bone with potatoes as a one pot cooking flavoured with garam masala and black pepper- pot cooking." Mmm...delicious.

After the main course was over the friendly staff brought me a  Cinnamon Spiced Dark Chocolate Mousse with a single candle in it and everyone in the establishment sang "Happy Birthday". I was laughing so much I could hardly find enough breath to blow out that candle.

When the very reasonable bill was paid we went round the corner to "The Cross Keys" pub for pints of "London Pride" and tots of Irish whiskey. The fact that I still had my birthday hat on seemed to amuse the indigenous London natives, one of whom almost ended up with a melon-sized Yorkshire fist in his mush.

Frances, Stew and Ian had very kindly clubbed together to buy me and the woman of my choice a two night hotel stay in one of numerous venues around the country. The woman of my choice had already bought me the most expensive item of clothing I have ever owned and would you believe it, it's American and orange!...No, not him, a "Marmot" Goretex jacket.

My sixty fifth birthday had begun with breakfast in "The Ritz" before heading to Kew Gardens but I will blog about that tomorrow. Meanwhile, a picture of "The Ritz". £5.90 for a full English breakfast:-

Absence

Treetop walkway in Kew Gardens

Later this morning, Shirley and I will be boarding a London-bound bus. We are heading to the capital to visit our offspring.  They were both Yorkshire-born so why they should have chosen to live in London remains a puzzle that I just cannot get my head around. I mean, just compare the two! Choosing London over Yorkshire is like opting for the bowels of hell when you could have paradise.

All being well, we will be returning to Yorkshire on Tuesday afternoon - this time by train.

Currently, Ian lives in a very nice rented house in the borough of Hammersmith. That is where all the Bosh! vegan activity happens. With the rest of the Bosh! team he is currently working on the second Bosh! book which should be out in the middle of next year. Naturally, I really hope that happens. As the first book proved - dreams can indeed come true. The first Bosh! cookbook remains Britain's best- selling vegan cookbook of all time! That's quite a thing my friends, quite a thing.

Anyway, the point I am trying to get to is this - our laptop will not be travelling with us so my blogging activities will be in freeze mode until next Tuesday or Wednesday. Amongst other things we hope to visit Kew Gardens but mostly it's about seeing Ian and Frances. There'll be a special celebratory meal in the "Potli" Indian restaurant on King Street, Hammersmith on Monday night.

 

Fakery

Calling all men! Ever wanted to change your look? It's never easy for a man - especially when he's  growing older. Look on any high street - there are so many businesses that exist to help women to improve their appearances - beauty salons, hairdressers, nail bars, brow lounges - but where are the businesses that help men to look better? 

And in every supermarket there are dozens of beauty products for women but none for men apart from shaving foam, razors and soap.

However, fear not. Pudding Promotions Ltd are happy to announce the launch of a new hair colouring range specially for men. It's called "Fakery" and it comes in a range of natural colours including "Woodland Chestnut", "Coal Mine Black" and "Golden Waves". Yes my friend. If you want to change your look, try new "Fakery"!

Here's Donald from Queen's, New York City in his forties long before "Fakery" came along. Notice the ordinary mousey brown appearance of his predictable hairstyle:-

Now in 2018, he is a man transformed by "Fakery". Donald chose "Golden Waves" to match his sunlit and sensitive personality. He said, "Until I applied "Fakery" to my hair I lacked confidence. "Fakery" has boosted my self-esteem and my popularity.  I don't know where I would be without "Fakery" ".

" Bring out the real you with "Fakery" "

Barlow

Inspector Barlow starred in "Z Cars and "Softly Softly", Ken Barlow is that famous stalwart character in "Coronation Street" and Jennifer, Gregg, George, Ginger and Marco Barlow live in Florence, South Carolina. Furthermore, I was in Barlow on Tuesday. 

Barlow is a village in North East Derbyshire. It is slightly off the beaten track between Sheffield and Chesterfield. It has three pubs - "The Tickled Trout", "The Peacock" and "The Hare and Hounds Inn" and it sits just outside The Peak District. 

Barlow - the churchyard

I left Clint on Wilkin Hill and set off on another circular walk of around six miles. It took in rolling farmland.

At Pratt Hall Farm I was yapped at by two nasty Jack Russells. They came racing out of the farmyard baring their teeth and would not retreat even when I yelled "No!" at the top of my voice. I realise that they were just guarding "their" territory but I did not wish to be bitten by either of these rabid mutts and I did not wish to kick them over the wall like rugby balls. I doubt that the irresponsible owners would have been too happy about that. 

On Hackney Lane, Barlow

Anyway, I got away from them unscathed. Much of the barking had been within six inches of my ankles. They followed me for fifty yards and then to torment the little blighters I barked like an Irish wolfhound which made them race back. They trotted homewards again and then I barked some more. If a radio drama should ever require an Irish wolfhound impersonator - I'm your man!

Mesmerised sheep at Oxton Rakes Farm

Later, as I was emerging from Engine Hollow Woods, two more dogs came bounding towards me. Their owner was way behind them. In contrast with the noisy Jack Russells, these two dogs were quiet and seemingly gentle. They were whippets. I patted them and told them they were "good boys" even though  they were both eager to sniff my groin. 

Then the owner came puffing up the path but she did not wish to sniff my wedding tackle. We stopped for a chat before carrying on our merry ways. She towards Cuttthorpe and me back to Barlow.

Above Barlow - looking towards Holmesfield

Pirate

 A month ago we were in Suffolk, lovely Suffolk with its big yellow sun beaming down. We took the rowing boat ferry from Walberswick across the mouth of The River Blyth and then we walked into Southwold.

At the end of the pier I asked Shirley to snap a picture of me looking through a hole in the "I Walked the Planks" set. There I am at the end. Pirate Pudding in my blue and white breeches grasping  my cutlasses! Avast me hearties!

There's nobody looking out of the other face holes and that's a shame. If I could I would have stuck a couple of bloggers in there - Red and Jenny - hardy Canadian pirates. Together we'd have marched into Southwold terrorising the day trippers and demanding free beer and fish and chips from terrified townspeople.

I thought you might like to see what Waterlogue has done with the top picture:-

And here's a fairly unexceptional photograph  I took of Orford Ness lighthouse:-

 And here's that same picture after the "Waterlogue" treatment, using the "streamlined" option:-

Ah well, I think it's time to get up off my fat arse to make bolognese sauce for this evening's meal. I guess that's something that real pirates never had to do. They were too busy swinging from the rigging or dipping their hands into treasure chests bursting with pieces of eight.

Waterlogue

While rambling on Monday afternoon, I took the photograph shown above of the north Derbyshire countryside. I was outside The Peak District near the village of Cutthorpe. 

Because of Steve Reed at "Shadows and Light" I have been made aware of a photo enhancing app called "Waterlogue" and this morning I took the bold step of purchasing said app from Microsoft Store. It is the first app I have ever bought.

After installing "Waterlogue" and within seconds I had re-imaged the photo to produce the two new versions shown below. They really do look like authentic watercolours and it would be very easy to have either of them transferred to a photo canvas.

Then I picked a photo I had taken at the back of Cutthorpe Hall - a broken window in a neglected outbuilding. Here is the original:-

 And here it is after applying the "Travelogue" option in "Waterlogue":-

"Waterlogue" is a wonderful new toy and for £1.69 I think it is a bargain. Something to keep me occupied through the winter months and I'm not hurting anybody am I ? As someone who is interested in painting and occasionally dabbles in it, I must say that it is a little discouraging to see how rapidly "Waterlogue" "paints" a presentable picture for you. Only after many hours of determined labour could I ever produce anything resembling that window "painting".