Jesus

Surely, we all know what "clickbait" is now don't we? It is an internet phenomenon that I normally shun quite studiously but earlier today I found myself drawn in by a rabbit hole that followed the heading:  "What Historical Figures Really Looked Like". There were over two hundred historical figures with related text and one of them was Jesus Christ.

Surprisingly, in my nineteen years of blogging, I have hardly ever referred to Jesus Christ. That's him pictured at the top of this post according to the clickbait channel. He looks a lot different from that miraculous hippy-type fellow we usually  see portrayed with his long hair, kindly face, sandals and flowing white robes. "Suffer little children to come unto me" and all that.

This was the text connected with the picture:

Thousands of paintings, drawings, and etchings exist of Jesus of Nazareth. As the most famous living person to have ever existed, he’s revered by many as the Son of God. Most images depict Jesus as a tall, lean man with shoulder-length brown hair and a kindly face.

As researchers have nothing to go on and no remains or description in the Bible, it’s difficult to say what Jesus really looked like. When a team of scientists took to the task, they used what little information was available to them and came up with a brown-eyed, olive-skinned, heavily bearded man with notably more masculine features than the stereotypical image.

I guess that practising Christians may have to greatly readjust their mental images of Jesus and instead  teach their children that far from being gentle, meek and mild - Jesus looked more like a hairy all-in wrestler or a latter day neanderthal.

Here's another famous figure revealed in the clickbait list. Can you guess who it is?

Yes, of course, it's Peter the Great - Emperor of Russia from 1682 until 1725.

Goliath

The biggest species of  frog in the world is The Goliath Frog. Its only known habitat is a relatively small region of Africa between Equatorial Guinea and Cameroon. It prefers flowing water and is best found near waterfalls or rapids in the basins of  the Sanaga, Keikke, Mtem and Mbia rivers.

When fully grown, this gigantic frog will measure up to twelve and a half inches from head to toe and can weigh as much as a healthy newborn human baby - 7.2 pounds. Often they will live for twelve to fifteen years. In  translation, local people refer to it as "the gigantic slippery frog". Of course, the name "Goliath" was a European choice - not uncommon in the naming of animals.

In past times, goliath frogs were an important  food source for local people and even today that practice has by no means disappeared. It's one of the reasons why these almost incredible frogs are now classed as "endangered" by The International Union for Conservation of Nature. It is estimated that the world's population of goliath frogs has reduced by 50% in the past twenty years.

Names

The Haleys looking up at the comets

"How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!"

John Proctor, the hero of "The Crucible" by Arthur Miller utters this line in Act IV of the play.  He has been brought to the same  court in the village of Salem where several women and girls have been successfully tried for witchcraft. 

It is as if this seventeenth century kangaroo court wants to push the accused man as far as it can go in order to strengthen its legitimacy. Though John Proctor has already falsely admitted to witchcraft, Judge Danforth wants him to sign a confession that will be nailed to the church door for all to see.

I was thinking about that line when I read about would-be Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley and her husband Michael.

Nikki Haley's birth name was Nimarata Nikki Randhawa. She was born into an immigrant Sikh family. However, in 1997 she converted to Christianity and now only dresses in western garb. It's as if she has sought to suppress her original Sikh  identity and that even extends to her name.

Her military husband is known as Michael Haley though he was born William Michael Haley and up until marrying Nimarata he was always known as Bill after his adoptive father.  Apparently, she started calling him Michael and before long Bill was history. Perhaps she had already spotted the potential embarrassment of having a husband who bore the same name as a famous bandleader.

When it comes to music and film, I can understand why some people change their names. Marilyn Monroe sounds a lot more enticing than Norma Jeane Mortenson. And would Elton John have attracted so many fans if he had remained Reginald Kenneth Dwight?

But in the world of politics, most of us hope for steadfast, trustworthy leaders and representatives - not slippery people whose values and ideas are as fluid as their names.

Wildebeest

December 22nd, 2023

Dear Mr Turner,

Yesterday afternoon, my wife, daughter, two young grandchildren and I attended the matinee performance of "Beauty and The Beast" at Sheffield's Lyceum Theatre. We had seats up in the balcony.

When we first arrived, the rows of seats behind us were all empty but then just before the performance was about to commence, a big contingent of pupils from Anonymous Middle School arrived. They poured in like a herd of wildebeest crossing some river in Africa. My heart sank a little at that point.

However, I need not have worried because your pupils were very well-behaved throughout the show. And this is the reason I am writing to you - to congratulate the pupils who came to Sheffield on their excellent behaviour. Having been a teacher myself for forty years I think I know what I am talking about when it comes to the conduct of school parties in public. The youngsters were a credit to your school, their families and of course themselves. Congratulations are also due to the staff who kindly supervised this trip.

Regards,

Colonel Y. Pudding

⦿

January 8th 2024

Dear Colonel Pudding

Thank you very much for taking the time to email. As you'll know, people are often quite quick to send negative feedback so it's always lovely to receive emails like yours. I will make sure your feedback is shared with all concerned.

We are very lucky to work with such great pupils who are supported by a fantastic staff team.

I saw the show with my family over the hoildays holidays; it was excellent as usual and is always a highlight of the Christmas period.

Thank you again for taking the time to email and for your kind words of support.

Regards,

C. Turner
Mr Chris Turner
Executive Headteacher
Anonymous Middle School, Huddersfield

Zachary

 

Ten weeks old. That's Little Zach. Down in Fulham, London this very morning. He is wearing the new outfit that Shirley and I bought for him over the weekend. It has got three soldiers embroidered on it - just like the guards at Buckingham Palace.

Though Zach has got two aunties and five uncles, he has only got three cousins. Of course there are Phoebe and Margot up here in Yorkshire but also ten year old Alexander - the only son of Sarah's oldest brother and his American wife who live in west London. Maybe there will be one or two more cousins in the future.

It looks as though Zach will be christened in the springtime. Neither of my children were christened as religion does not really figure in our lives. However, I am sure that this land had birth ceremonies  long before Christianity found its way here from continental Europe.

And that is how I will view the process - a gathering of blood relatives and friends to welcome the little fellow to the world. I would be very happy to lead the christening service with non-religious verbiage:-

"Friends and family members... We are gathered here today on this fine spring morning to welcome Baby Zach into our world. In him we invest much love and hope for the future. As years pass, he will inhabit a distant land called The Future where some of us will not travel.

Let us give thanks to Zach's parents Sarah and Ian for his arrival and for providing him with love, safety and a comfortable home. Let the rest of us support them in the process of parenting by supplying them with good wishes, time, kindly thoughts and practical support. Let us know when to speak and when to keep quiet. And let there be laughter and patience around Zach as he grows."

See. The Christian balderdash is unnecessary.

Weekend

Riding down to London along the spine of England, aboard a motor coach. We only stopped at Milton Keynes bus station, then straight  back on the M1 motorway. Shirley was knitting yet another baby cardigan as I read "Shadowlands" - A Journey Through Lost Britain by Matthew Greene.

We alighted from the National Express coach early - at Marble Arch tube station, saving ourselves at least half an hour before the service terminated at Victoria Coach Station. On the Central Line to Notting HIll Gate and then change for The District Line to West Brompton.

Then on to a number 74  red London bus on Lillie Road bound for Fulham. We alighted opposite Normand Park at the same time that the coach from Sheffield should have reached its final destination.

Ian was still at work so we got to spend an hour or so with Sarah and Zach before the master of the house rolled up. The little man is growing nicely, bright and alert with occasional smiles and of course I sung to him as is my wont...

Zach, Zach don't look back

You might see Santa with his sack

What's that wriggling in his pack?

It's a duck for little Zachary

Quack, quack quack quack, quack

Zach, Zach don't look back

You might see Santa with his sack

And a duck for little Zachary

Sarah was heading out at five thirty for dinner followed by a balletic performance of "The Nutcracker" at The Royal Opera House. It was the longest she had spent away from her baby since his birth in late October. However, she had nothing to fret about because Zach had three adults to look after him.

Later Ian ordered us a delicious takeaway curry which was delivered to his house in thirty minutes along with a separate order of four bottles of Indian beer also brought to his doorstep. Isn't that rather mad?

On Saturday we looped round Fulham before some grocery shopping happened at the local "Waitrose" supermarket. Back home we caught up with the day's football results and then in the evening Ian made a delicious vegan bolognaise with fresh basil leaves.

By ten that night, I felt restless so I went out to the closest local pub - "The Rylston" and supped two pints of bitter before bedtime but the atmosphere in that establishment was as you might find in a cowboy saloon in a ghost town.  Tumbleweed rolled by.

Today, Sunday, we were out of the house by ten thirty and heading to Victoria coach station for the bus back to Sheffield. It set off on time and all was going well until we reached Luton. That is when the M1 motorway ground to a halt because of a multi-vehicle  collision  further up the road.  How very inconsiderate of those travellers to delay our progress!  We were back forty minutes later than the schedule had promised. I guess it could have been worse than that.

It had been so lovely to see our little grandson again and to witness how well his parents are coping with his presence. Love can move mountains.

Bus

On Monday, Shirley said she wanted us to go down to London to see Ian and Sarah and our two month old grandson Zach. I didn't fancy driving down to our capital city again so I checked out public transport options for today - Friday, returning on Sunday afternoon.

Travelling by train would have cost close to £400 in total - that's $507 US or  $756 AUS.. The very high cost quoted is down to the fact that we wanted to make a late booking. If we had booked a month ago, the cost would have been much cheaper.

The train from Sheffield to London St Pancras takes around two hours and ten minutes but a National Express coach takes double that amount of time. However, the cost of two return tickets on the bus was only £60 - that's $76 US or  $113 AUS so that is what we have gone for. After all, £400 is quite outrageous - it represents over £1 per mile of rail track.

I will be able to get plenty of reading done aboard the bus.

It is now one in the morning and the coach departs at 11.00 am so I had better get to bed pretty soon. If you haven't already done so, I hope you will still read my post about "Mr Bates Versus The Post Office" - just below this blogpost.