Checking out "Posts" in this blog's admin and management area, I discovered that I had seventy draft posts to sort through. None of them were complete blogposts and most were just early versions of successfully published posts. However, I also stumbled across the beginnings of a story. It has the feel of a spooky tale.
Soon after I retired from full time teaching, I joined a project that saw me visiting three challenging Sheffield secondary schools - working with individual pupils to boost their English skills. Unsurprisingly, it was called The One-to-One Project.
One of children I worked with was a thirteen year old boy called Colby. Led by his ideas and word choices, we began to craft a scary story together. For some technical reason that I don't recall, we used a "new post" page from this blog to save the writing during development.
Working in tandem, he was stimulated by the process but the story itself was never finished. It was slow going and he was absent from school on two or three occasions. Today, Colby will be twenty seven years old and of course I have no idea how his life is now nor how he did in his GCSE exams.
I remember that the title he suggested was "The Lost Schoolgirl". Here with a few amendments is what we wrote and because it is incomplete, I just might bring it to some sort of conclusion this week. Any ideas?
⦿
"I think it's next right", said Annalise, studying the satnav on her smartphone..
"Okay, you mean just here?" asked Liam, turning the steering wheel of their silver Porsche.
Up ahead, beyond soaring sycamores, they could see the old school. It had been empty for over twenty years.
Liam parked up next to the wrought iron gateway. They both got out and checked the external appearance of what they planned would become their new home. It would be their first place together.
"All I can see in my head is the beautiful house that this will be become," beamed Annalise.
They unlocked the main front door. It was a heavy oak door with a black iron ring for a handle. The old hinges creaked as they walked in. Immediately, they noticed how cold it was.
"Don't worry darling, we will buy the best central heating that money will buy," smiled Liam, putting his arm around his new wife. "And there will be a log burner in the lounge just as you dreamed."
Annalise smiled right into his eyes just as she had done at their wedding ceremony in Healing.
Five weeks later, Liam and Annalise came back to the house to check how their decorators were doing. The lounge had been painted dark purple and there were only a few finishing touches left. The recommended central heating installers from Grimsby had been and gone. And as promised there was now a good-sized log burner in the lounge fireplace
"Wow! It's nearly ready for us to move in darling!" grinned Annalise, hugging her husband.
Indeed, the following week, Liam and Annalise moved in. She instructed the removal men where to put things. As two of these burly fellows were carrying a large, beech-framed mirror upstairs, one of them stumbled and the hefty mirror somersaulted down the stairs, shattering only when it reached the bottom. Annalise was mortified but Liam promised to buy her another even though one might ask - how can you replace a a family heirloom?
"I'm really sorry!" said the head removal man. "We never usually break owt!"
After the removal men had gone, Liam and Annalise locked up and drove to the closest supermarket. They bought loads of food to fill their new fridge freezer, spending over £300. By the time they got back to the old school, it was dusk. A flock of crows descended on the bare sycamores near the house and cawed at each other.
Liam and Annalise lugged the supermarket bags into the house and half-filled the pantry and fridge freezer with their provisions. They were both kind of tired after their long day and Liam's back was aching.
After microwave meals and a helping of television, they decided to enjoy an early night. In the morning, they would get on with the unpacking and try to find homes for everything.
This kid had talent.
ReplyDeleteI was teasing it out of him.
DeleteWhat a great book cover that would be! And now I wonder where Colby is and how he's doing.
ReplyDeleteHow the time has passed. He was just a kid but now he's a man.
DeleteAn excellent beginning, but I have no ideas of how to continue. (which explains why most of my own writings "die" after I start.)
ReplyDelete...Just then an Australian tourist called Elsie knocked on the big oak door. Warily, Liam opened it and Elsie beamed "G'day mate!"
DeleteAn intriguing start to what could become a spooky tale!
ReplyDeleteMaybe there are shards of the mirror left (the beech frame surely wasn't beyond repair?), and when they collect them to put them in the bin, in one of the mirror shards the image of a pale girl looks at them?
Yikes!
DeleteToo scary for me Meike! How will I sleep tonight after reading that?
DeleteLibrarian; I like that idea, they could research and find out who she was and why she was there and what happened.
DeleteSo much scene setting, but the title the only real clue for how to continue.
ReplyDeleteMaybe something along the lines of: "Malo, than a naughty girl."
"Malo, than a naughty girl." I don't get it Mr Dickens.
DeleteHenry James, Turn of the Screw, in the Benjamin Britten version, actually it's the libretto by Myfanwy Piper rather than in the James novella. A sinister/sad little song that Miles (the boy) sings. Malo malo malo malo, I would rather be in an apple tree than a naughty boy in adversity. Miles had been expelled from school. Is it something to do with the sinister valet, now ghost, Peter Quint?
DeleteA flock of crows descending on a bare sycamore tree leads me to thinking about The Birds. I don't know how much of your work went into it, but it is not bad writing. He clearly had some thought about where he was going with this.
ReplyDeleteWhat you did sounds like something I would like to do, but even aside from the required police check, I wouldn't, and I think that is sad.
You know, I was full police checked but I still felt a little awkward about working alone with these youngsters. Any one of them could have made false accusations.
DeleteNot bad for a struggling schoolboy. Looking forward to Chapter Two.
ReplyDeleteYou might have to wait a while.
DeleteI hope Colby has found the rest of the story.
ReplyDeleteAs I say, we worked in tandem with me drawing the story from him as much as possible.
DeleteI wonder if Colby is still around and would want to finish it?
ReplyDeleteFinding him, I would need to employ a private detective. Hell, that was fourteen years ago Bob.
DeleteSeven years bad luck or maybe just the opposite?
ReplyDeleteI don't want to be too predictable.
DeleteThat story was really good, and I am sorry that it wasn't finished. The writing was good. I miss my days as a teacher. Not the paperwork and the red tape, but really reaching a student and making a difference.
ReplyDeleteOn that One-to-One project, I had a rare opportunity to focus on just one student for one hour a week.
DeleteWith the broken mirror, I suggest a "War of the Roses" type ending.
ReplyDeleteI doubt that my writing skills will be up to that! "A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!"
DeleteI wonder if you could track down Colby through the internet and ask him about the story. Like Bob's suggested, maybe he would want to finish it...
ReplyDeleteI cannot remember his surname Ellen and 560,000 people live in this city. He might not live here any more.
DeleteWhat a shame that Colby didn't finish it - it's intriguing to know what ending he would have come up with.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if he would even remember me working with him.
DeleteI think your book cover rather suggests what the ending might be. As others have said, maybe tracking down Colby to finish a great story would be the perfect solution
ReplyDeleteIt's a nice idea but tracking him down would be a hell of a mission. I can't even remember his surname.
DeleteThis has the bones of a good story. It could go many ways - she cuts her finger and bleeds to death; she sees into the past and discovers a dreadful secret; bad luck begins to haunt them; he searches for a replacement mirror and in the process uncovers a mystery; the crows build a nest in the chimney and cause a chimney fire and she is swept off her feet by a burly, impossibly handsome firefighter, leading Liam to murder them both. Ooh, you could have such fun with this.
ReplyDeleteI think I'll have a lie-down.
It could become an entire novel but I hope to finish it in one blogpost.
DeleteIt's definitely a good beginning. And I suppose you know a broken mirror is supposed to bring bad luck.
ReplyDeleteYes. That is why we put that in the story - as if foreshadowing some scary happening... A hobo from North Dakota knocks on the door and asks for a glass of water... AAAAARRRGH!
Delete