Yesterday's metaphor about a private blog being like the front room in someone's house was immediately trashed by a visitor who burst into the house with a spray can and tossed my cushions around. There were accusations and allegations and far too many words. The visitor would have done well to take on board some of the helpful guidelines contained in yesterday's blogpost - including this advice: "You don't start criticising everything from the moment you walk in and you don't start taking over the conversation either."
In the fifteen and half years that I have been a blogger, I have always refused to enable comment moderation. In fact, until a few minutes ago I did not even know how to do that. For me, it very much goes against the grain to check out comments before they are posted. But that is what I have now chosen to do.
I apologise to regular commenters for this change and I am sorry that there will now be some police tape between us. An unwelcome barrier. I will try to get your very welcome future comments up for public consideration as soon as I can.
However, to the house guest who tried to trash my front room and had to be led out still raging, I want to say this: I will no longer be reading any of your comments. In the moderation process, they will simply be deleted.
I am a tolerant guy and habitually I support the concept of free speech but you pushed it too far in your various comments after "Visiting" and became insulting to me and to some of my other visitors. Once again you wrote more words than there were in the blogpost. That itself should tell you something. In spite of your intelligence, linguistic athleticism, fluent thinking and passion for life, you have become too shouty, too judgemental and too impolite for my liking. Enough is enough.
You came into my front room and you ignored the house rules so that's that. It's a horrible thing to have to do just before Christmas and for that I am truly sorry. Because you have so much to say, perhaps you will consider relaunching your own blog?
Fair enough. Let me help you pick up the cushions. Hey, Merry Christmas, by the way.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to plump up the cushions Debby. Could you do a little dusting too?
DeleteDepends..are there still sandwiches?
DeleteI will give you a meat paste sandwich after to have washed the windows Debby.
DeleteThere is an assumption that you as blog owner have all your commenters' email addresses by way of them simply commenting? I may be wrong, but I don't believe that is correct. At least when I wrote my blog, the commenter had to make their email address visible in their profile if they wanted people to reach out to them via email.
ReplyDeleteI know some bloggers freely display those contact details in their sidebar too.
I personally used a different email for blogging purposes .. because I didn't want to mix my blogging email in with household email.
On both email and comment moderation, nothing needs to be forever YP. You are the architect of this community .. citizens will choose to come and go, comment or simply read for many reasons.
Imagine if you could start taxing your visitors .. by word, by insult, by compliment.
I have never made my e-mail address freely available and have tried to keep myself somewhat anonymous behind the disguise of "Yorkshire Pudding". Your initial surmising is correct.
DeleteI think you can change the standard wording on comment moderation if you don't like the word "approval". This is where your wit and humour can add personality to the situation.
ReplyDeleteWell thanks. I will investigate that. Not promising anything though.
DeleteWell in the spirit of Christmas ...let’s be friends x
ReplyDeleteI am shaking hands with you now. That person must not divide two stalwarts of the British blogging scene.
DeleteAre you doing blogger of the year awards?
ReplyDeleteI look forward to those
YES KYLIE. LAUGHING HORSE BLOG AWARDS FOR 2020 COMING UP IN THE DOG DAYS BETWEEN CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR.
DeleteAll caps?
DeleteIt is an advertisement Kylie. SORRY IF THE CAPITALS ANNOYED YOU!
DeleteNot at all, just wondered why. Advertising makes sense.
DeleteYou boomer
Is a boomer an obscure Australian marsupial?
DeleteI feel your pain. Certain offensive commentators are deleted at once, but when they behave themselves, I leave them. I have attracted quite a few in the past, but they have mostly seen sense or even died; in either case life is now more genteel.
ReplyDeleteIt is such a chore to have to monitor like this. There should be no need for that.
DeleteI'm glad you've taken this step. When the person you're referring to starts monopolizing a blog's comment boxes I get less comfortable interacting there. It's no fun offering an opinion or viewpoint when you expect you may be insulted by someone you weren't even talking to in the first place!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for all this unpleasantness, Neil. I hope things will be better now. Merry Christmas my friend!
I don't think that person will disappear but at least through this holiday period we can enjoy some relief in my front room. A pint of Yorkshire bitter coming up Jennifer! Happy Christmas!
DeletePerhaps you can now think about changing that wallpaper?
ReplyDeleteThat's an idea. Puce might be nice.
DeleteComment moderation can come in handy for various reasons. On my blog, I have activated it from the beginning for any comments older than 14 days. That way, I do not miss them as easily as I otherwise could when someone (re-)reads an older post of mine and chooses to comment. Also, every now and then a bot/spam comment is left on a post that has had an above average number of views, usually an older one, too.
ReplyDeleteThere will always be those who think they are above the rules, Neil. It is hurtful when someone writes "I have lost all respect for you" (or along those lines) but please remember that the vast majority of your readers respect you and each other, and enjoy your blog - even if sometimes you talk football, which I am sooo not interested in ;-)
Isn't there a ladies team in Ludwigsburg? Get some boots and give it a go. It's never too late to forge a new sporting career! I imagine you as a hard-tackling defender.
DeleteI would offer to Hoover up YP but it's not my forte.
ReplyDeleteGet Mrs Northsider to teach you. It could be your Christmas gift.
DeleteSuch a shame when some spoil things for others! I am happy to wait for my comments to appear ! Hope that you and the family have as good a Xmas as possible. We are in Tier 4 so no one here at all. Not the small family get together that we had planned, and my youngest son will be alone in Oxford.
ReplyDeleteIt's so depressing isn't it Frances? Happy Harpenden Christmas!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow do you manage to read my thoughts Jean? Spooky!
DeleteWell said YP, and I'm sure most of us "regulars" wholeheartedly support your decision. We all know who you mean, and I have to confess to scrolling down without reading the majority of their comments - I wonder if others have done the same?
ReplyDeleteFor a while, I thought that might be the solution CG but that person overstepped the mark with ranting abuse. I had to do something.
DeleteThe thing that bullies crave is making it all about them, they detest being ignored and eventually clear off.
DeleteI hope you are right Jean.
Delete[this extremely rude and offensive comment fell well below the required standards and was not approved by the moderator]
ReplyDeleteAnd yet somehow it slipped through the net.
DeleteGood riddance. Mind the door doesn't hit your fat a##e on the way out!
ReplyDeleteI do hope this gets through moderation......
All the best for Christmas and tell new year, Mr pudd.
New year, New baby, New you!
Xx
Well, I don't know about "New you" Christina. It's far too late to become a gym bunny. Happy Xmas! I have sent you some hole filler if you will pardon that expression.
DeleteI have comment moderation on for comments older than two days. A couple of times when under heavy spam attack I had switched on comment moderation briefly, but not recently. Blogger catches spam attacks reasonably well now. In the long past I have deleted about two comments that were offensive from a commenter against another commenter.
ReplyDeleteWhile I see it often enough when I comment on a couple of peoples blogs, I really don't like "Your comment will be approved after moderation".
You have a phone. I assume it does email. Keep an eye on your blog wherever you are and deleted the inappropriate.
I wonder who this person is who perhaps causes you, John Gray of Wales and Cro such problems. Same commenter?
Yes it is Andrew. I don't like "Your comment will be approved after moderation" either but I have been driven to this solution. By the way, I do not have a mobile phone.
DeleteBe careful who you invite into your front room.
ReplyDeleteGood advice Sue but some just burst in when the door is unlocked.
DeleteVery understandable...and appreciated.
ReplyDeleteTension or foreboding should not be a feature of comments.
DeleteWell I'm glad that's all over at last and we can go back to enjoying your blog for all the reasons listed above.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas from the Land of the Long White Cloud to you and all your interesting blog family around the world and also to your real family. Thank you for sharing your humour and your daily life with us. May 2021 bring you peace and joy, a healthy grandchild to love and many long and interesting walks.
After the busy weeks of cleaning and shopping it's time to pause and remember the "Reason for the Season".
I'm excited to be reading the first Lesson and singing in the choir at Midnight Mass tonight and I'll think of you all as we light the candles in remembrance of Christmases past and in hope for the Christmases to come.
God Bless, Adele
Don't tremble as you read out the lesson. And yes God, please do bless Adele. Give her the strength to deliver that lesson with confidence and feeling so that the entire congregation are enthralled. Happy Christmas my faraway friend.
DeleteI turned on comment moderation this past year when I received some vaguely threatening comments. I don't love it but it works.
ReplyDeleteI don't get the whole arguing with people you don't really know, not even arguing with those I do know.
Have you got a T-shirt with "Been There Done That" on it Lily?
DeleteThe woman hijacks the comment section of other bloggers because it gives her an immediate audience. She needs attention. Endless attention. Moderate away, Mr. P.!
ReplyDeleteSorry for the obstacle to commenting.
DeleteTo a different unwelcome visitor who tries to get under people's skin and just advised me to "practise what I preach" when I visit other people's blogs - I do not wish to entertain your nastiness and any future comments that you leave will go unread before deletion during the moderation process. Please stay out of my front room.
ReplyDeleteGee, wonder who that might be (insert eye roll) ?
DeleteThat person is also constantly rude and negative and loves to argue. I don't understand why they still have so many blog friends left, to be honest.
It is so sad to apparently find pleasure in such communication. Accusing. digging, trying to score points. So sad.
DeleteNot sure what's going on here but there must have been some nasty comments. I've always used comment moderation.
ReplyDeleteWell - I will see how that goes Red. Hopefully, it will work.
DeleteI totally get it. Your blog is YOUR space and you should run it as you see fit.
ReplyDeleteAs I said to Red Steve - we will see. Some people do not have the capacity to just walk away.
DeleteI'm so sorry that had to happen. Many years ago I had a blog, I stopped it for that very reason. But I'm also sorry for the anger that must permeate some people's hearts that would allow them to go off the rails like that.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy your blog. No, I don't always agree with your take on things, but you take me places and show me things I could never experience without your and other bloggers very hard work.
Thanks so much for investing all that hard work and giving me such a valuable gift.
Tom
What a lovely comment Tom. Thank you. A counterpoise to the crap.
DeleteThank you for taking this step, YP. Count me as another who appreciates it. I've missed visiting your bloggy home.
ReplyDeleteI think it was your previous comment that tipped the balance Jenny. I hope I have made the right choice.
DeleteI hope it works for you and you are comfortable with it.
DeleteMerry Christmas, Neil.
Adrian - I have absolutely no idea why you decided some time back to respond to me with such utter disdain. I feel a little sorry for you in that regard. However, any comments you leave will be unread and deleted during the moderation process so please do not bother. Merry Christmas!
ReplyDeleteIf you would like an objective view on all this, I have one.
ReplyDeleteNeil. I feel you have been caught in something you were not quite prepared for.
Reading others’ comments, it is clear that Ursula has been asked to leave other blogs for whatever reason.
That was the first alarm bell.
And an alarm it would see you missed.
Bloggers, in my experience, are slightly narcissistic souls ( and believe me when I say I include myself in this assessment ) and by being so, we are flattered when a chatty, intelligent character flits by to embroider our posts with flattery and naturally we encourage them.
You were flattered by her, as we all would have been, but by being flattered you gave the fire space to breathe.
Another lesson to us all .
I read some unpleasant things Ursula said in her posts about others, unpleasant things veiled in verbosity and I agree with John and Jenny O that these should have been taken to task at the time they were written.
This is a hard one when you are a popular blog owner as not every comment is read in its entirety.
But it remains ANOTHER lesson for us all who allow comments.
I stopped blogging because of a similar unpleasant incident to this, and I saw the writing on the wall here, that’s why I said something a little while ago.
But let’s get all this into perspective.
If we open our houses to strangers
time to time, difficulties will always arise
As bloggers we each have a responsibility to police what people say on our blogs and we alone, thanks to blogger, have the power to delete and censor them.
It’s a double edged sword I know.
Happy Christmas to you in your lovely North Yorkshire
And to all your readers across this silly old world
Chin chin
Ms Soupspoone
Thanks for your reflections Ms Soupspoone. However, I was never flattered by the person you mentioned as I had seen the battles with her at "Going Gently" though I never intervened. It was my choice to try to accommodate her, to give her a chance. After all John Gray's "policing" at "Going Gently" simply did not work.
DeleteYou are right YP it did not work at all and to be honest it got me quite upset and stressed at the time
DeleteYou are a good man who loves people - someone who tries to see the best in others. I have also felt upset and stressed by these unpleasant invasions. It is hard to know how best to deal with them and of course they are reading these words now - seething with superiority.
DeleteI know many bloggers that use comment moderation. It does not bother me at all. I use it for older comments. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your lovely family Neil!
ReplyDeleteIt is nice to encounter good people like you in Blogland Bonnie. Happy Christmas!
DeleteI've watched with interest, history repeating itself in the blogosphere. I agree with the last sentence in your post absolutely. Anyone whose comment wordwise exceeds the post length can start/run their own blog as far as I'm concerned.
ReplyDeleteAll the best for the New Year.
Alphie
Thanks for your kind support Alphie...and Happy Christmas too!
DeleteI've obviously missed some of the action. Life can be tough enough without people throwing their weight around and hiding behind the internet. Happy Christmas and all the best for 2021. 🎄🎅🎁
ReplyDeleteAnd Happy Christmas to you too ADDY. Will you be seeing your lovely Kay or have the Tier 4 rules stopped that from happening?
DeleteLike Meike I have used comment moderation for old posts but never for new ones because I think it ruins the flow because so many comments are part of an ongoing conversation. I have had to start using it after 7 days because the amount of vile material (one has to be careful what words one uses or the scanners pick it up and the automatic bots get to work) I was being sent. Oddly it very rarely appeared on the latest post so that is always without moderation. Your situation is very different because it is the current post being targeted. I seem to have been fortunate on the matter you've raised in that I largely ignored and it seems to have left of its own volition.
ReplyDeleteI thought that it had left my blog of its own volition but then it came back. I know what you mean about the normal flow of conversation - that's why I never wanted to activate moderation.
Delete