Proposal

Back in the winter of 2014, a vivid dream woke me. It was as if an outline plan for a bestselling novel had arrived in my brain fully formed. I leapt out of bed and ran downstairs then I sat at this very desk  with a notepad and furiously scribbled down the plan before it slipped away as dreams are wont to do. Then I went back to bed and slept till nine.

Later that week I created a formal proposal and posted it off to two well-known publishers that I have chosen not to name in this blogpost.

CHAPTER ONE

Readers are introduced to property developer and reality TV show host Ronald Plump. He is narcissistic and spends several minutes each morning admiring his appearance and preening his thinning hair. He gives himself pep talks, often saying, "You can be anything you want to be Ron!"

CHAPTER TWO

We meet his family - two grown up and rather disappointing sons who live in fear of their father and a younger son called Earl he has had with his third wife a Slovakian model called Urethra. He also has two grown up daughters - one he ignores and the other, somewhat unnaturally, he has the hots for. He cannot help himself. Like his best buddy Jeremy Einstein he is partial to younger women.

CHAPTER THREE

The end of Mr Obama's presidency is in sight and Republicans are keen to put up a guy who can swing the electorate back their way. Some of Ronald's golfing buddies are big within The Republican Party and Ronald is big on TV. His show,  "Dumbasses" attracts millions of viewers each week. The idea is hatched that maybe Ronald will stand.

CHAPTER FOUR

It's early 2016 and Ronald has the Republican ticket. Millions of dollars have been poured into his campaign and his TV promotion campaign is in full swing. Right wing image and campaign advisers have given him plenty of tips - about promising the earth, repeating untruths and slandering his opponents. Ronald quickly reveals that he has no moral reins. His self-belief is immense.

CHAPTER FIVE

Russia is keen to see Ronald elected - believing that this will destabilise western democracies. They invade social media platforms. One of Ronald's campaign team comes up with a slogan that appears on red baseball caps and T-shirts "Make US Great Again". It suggests that somewhere down the track the US had stopped being great. It becomes a rallying point for disaffected working class Americans and racist bigots.

CHAPTER SIX

The election draws ever closer and Ronald denigrates his female Democratic opponent, attacking her with lies and innuendos that startle her because that wasn't how politics was done in America. Rules were being broken and Ronald seems to get away with it. He talks of building a huge wall across the country's entire southern border to keep out unwanted immigrants. It will be decorated with fake gold adornments and what is more American citizens will not have to pay a penny towards its construction.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Following a neck-and-neck race Ronald Plump becomes the US President. At first he cannot believe it. No one can. He stares into the cameras like a deer caught in a car's headlights. Quickly, he has to cobble a cabinet team together. Previously he had not given this a moment's thought. He pulls together a motley bunch of past acquaintances who are totally unsuited for the roles they are given. He decides to colour his skin orange - like an Oompa- Loompa and hires a team of hairdressers to style his hair and add hairpieces and weaves. As this first term proceeds he feels more comfortable in the role.

CHAPTER EIGHT

However, he loses the next presidential election to a time-served Democrat who was once the vice president. Ronald blames most of  the free press and TV media who he labels "fake". He also puts about the idea that somehow the election was rigged and that malpractice had occurred in all the states where he had not won.

CHAPTER NINE

Over the next four years he fires a string of unjustified insults at the new president, gathers even more millions in funding and over in Moscow President Putin does all that he can to ensure victory in the next presidential election. It works and once again Ronald Plump enters The White House but he is better prepared than last time and in the intervening years he has been tutored by right wing advisers about moves he can make  against the transgender community, hardworking immigrants, leading universities, healthcare and previously loyal allies. He makes outrageous claims on foreign territories and persistently distracts ordinary Americans from the thorny subject of  Jeremy Einstein's wrongdoings in which Ronald is deeply implicated.

CHAPTER TEN

With his health failing, Ronald has developed swollen ankles and frequently falls asleep in The Oval Office. His speeches are often deranged but continue to be as boastful as ever. Upon a whim, he begins a war with Iran and fails to give proper support to the people of Ukraine who are embattled by Russian military action. He talks about turning Palestinian Gaza into a holiday resort and claims the idea of climate change is a hoax. He blocks critical news services from The White House and with the help of crypto-currency investors becomes obscenely rich while ordinary American struggle to make ends meet. He has half The White House demolished to make way for an enormous golden ballroom that no other president ever desired.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Tragically, Ronald  slips on a bar of soap in his golden shower cubicle in his Florida mansion and cracks his skull on a protruding golden tap. He goes down like a sack of potatoes and just like that Ronald J. Plump is no more. He's kapput, deceased, gone. He cannot be revived. 

⦿

To my eternal disappointment I received two rejection letters. This was one of them...

December 15 2014

Dear Mr Pudding,

Thank you for your novel outline - running title "The Madness of Ronald J. Plump".  Quite frankly, the proposal is fantastical - like something dreamt up on crack cocaine. It could never happen and when it comes to political fiction, general readers need a sense of possibility married with authenticity. It seems that your imagination got the better of you this time round and I am afraid that we could never give air to a book like that. The political landscape you describe simply could not happen in America.

Good luck with any future writing projects in this genre but we advise that you place your notions well inside the fences of political reality. Oh and may I wish you a Happy Christmas!

Yours sincerely,

Miriam Huntington

(Commissioning Editor)