Advice

Feeding Advice for Urban Foxes

We urban foxes have numerous possible food sources. Dustbins and wheelie bins are of course a rich traditional source of nutrition for the vulpine community as our human neighbours throw away a lot of perfectly edible food. We can also scavenge behind supermarkets and other food shops where so much tasty stuff is thrown away day after day.

Fresh food is of course highly desirable. I have lost count of the number of chickens I have liberated from wire mesh hen runs. My favourite wild bird is a big fat wood pigeon. Delicious and relatively easy to catch if you are as cunning as I am. You hide in the shadows of a bush and then pounce quickly upon the stupid pigeon from behind. I have also been known to sink my teeth into unsuspecting pet cats but am not fond of fur or their needle-like talons.

Recently I have been developing a new technique in which I have targeted a particular middle aged couple whose cubs have gone. They occupy a semi-detached house in the southern suburbs of Sheffield and have a big rambling garden at the rear. At approximately six o' clock each evening, I lie on their lawn and wait till I see one of them at their kitchen window.

At this point I stand up and look directly at them, tilting my head appealingly  to one side. I make my eyes as soulful as possible and let my tongue loll from my bottom jaw as if to say "Please feed me! I'm starving!" It took a few days for my plan to work but after a while they got my message and they are now well-trained.

The bloke now even buys me dog food from the supermarket! When he opens the kitchen door and steps out into the garden, I pretend that I am a bit nervous and tiptoe behind the bracken. He puts the food on the lawn and returns indoors. Then I step out of my hiding place and gobble up whatever has been left for me. If I have already eaten, I take the food away to my various hiding places. After all, it is always nice to have a midnight supper!

If you are patient and follow my method you will establish a reliable food source that will see you through the hard days of winter. Humans are very gullible and so with just a little foxy behaviour it is easy to manipulate them. However, you must choose the humans you target with extreme care as a few  of them have a peculiar aversion to foxes. They are known as vulpophobics and might charge at you frothing at the mouth with a garden fork clasped in their hands.

Best wishes,

Fred Fox