Fragments

Two

Swimming in the harbour at Gorran Haven in Cornwall on a lovely summer's afternoon. After Dad dives in like an Olympic champion, he comes up for air on the beach and announces that he has lost his top denture. The harbour waters are deep but crystal clear. Even with the assistance of a local fisherman in a rowing boat the precious denture cannot be found.

Three

The New Forest, Hampshire,  We were staying in a small touring caravan site. I cannot remember the exact details of my annoyance but my parents had been getting at me for some reason and the frustration had built up inside me like a balloon that was ready to explode. I was perhaps five years old but I stormed out of our caravan (American: trailer) and told them I was running away and would never come back. I was gone for a couple of hours - stumbling across nearby heathland that was tall with summer bracken. I created a hollow where I lay down still angry with the nameless injustice of it all. However, slowly I came to the obvious conclusion that I was just a little boy and that I was in fact incapable of fending for myself, Sheepishly, I decided to swallow my pride and find my way back to the caravan. Little fuss was made of my return. I guess they were just relieved to have me back.

Four

Sitting in the entrance lobby of the village school in my white underpants and vest. It is warm because of the big black coal stove. All of the other children from my class are also sitting in their underwear - girls and boys alike. We are all equally embarrassed for though we are perhaps six years old we have budding dignity and pride. Medical examinations are being conducted by a doctor with a nurse. He squeezes my testicles and then looks inside my mouth. He has an ice cold stethoscope.  Notes are written down. We were just little kids so why should our embarrassment matter? Imagine twenty five adults of a similar age having to sit in a doctor's waiting room in their underwear!

Five

I am an inquisitive little so-and-so. Gradually, I have become aware that girls are physically different from boys and my curiosity about this has increased but I do not have any sisters. Over a period of days, I have been quizzing my mother about this matter. I have even asked her about how babies are made. Shockingly, she has told me that girls have special holes that babies come from. One morning Mum is in the bathroom getting washed and dressed. Sweet smelling talcum powder hangs in the air like a mist and there is a rubberised corset with clips at the bottom for stockings. I pluck up the courage to ask if I can see her special hole. Mum was never one to be flummoxed but at that moment she was. She went bright pink and refused my simple request which, at the time, I found most puzzling. Clearly it was not just a special hole - it was an extra special hole to be concealed like jewellery in a safe. "Why won't you show me it?" She was lost for words.

Six

A midsummer's evening and I am trying to get to sleep but it's hard as daylight is still filtering into the room. I am studying the swirling patterns on the blue-white wallpaper and as usual I am seeing things there. Sea waves breaking, monsters of the deep, distant snow-capped mountains, a land of legend and mystery and then a strange thought comes to my mind. It is not the kind of thought that I have ever had before. Essentially, I am asking myself a "What if?" question and that question is "What if my parents die?". I knew that such a thing might be possible but who would look after me and where would I find the feeling of being secure and loved any more? The prospect was heartbreaking and I began to weep. In fact, I wept myself to sleep that night and the next day things were never quite the same again.