You do not have to be mad to work for Yorkshire Pudding Enterprises Ltd but it certainly helps.
Last week, we bought a new garden gnome at "Poundland". His name is Roger and he only cost three pounds. A stout and handsome little gnome with a white beard and quite heavy too. I knew the very spot where he would be placed in our garden and I was looking forward to installing him in his new home.
In the shop, Mistress Pudding volunteered to put Roger in her shopping bag - a proposal to which I foolishly assented. Sure enough, when said shopping bag was later unpacked in our kitchen, the top of Roger's pointy hat had broken off. What a tragedy!
I was mortified and after sobbing for over an hour, I admitted to myself that with the broken hat, I could no longer provide Roger with the home that I had promised him. Sadly, Roger had to go.
Over the next few days, I hatched an alternative plan. I would make a little sanctuary for Roger at a secret place on the edge of the city. Not wanting to leave the beardie little man there on his own, I decided that he would be accompanied by two of our other gnomes who have seen better days - Tasker and Stephen (with "ph" in the middle).
Henceforth, I planned that they would live in a woodland sanctuary called "Land of Lost Gnomes".
I took the gang of three to their new home this very afternoon... "Land of Lost Gnomes" and even prepared a wooden stake to mark their new neighbourhood. It is a little off the beaten track so any visitors will need to stumble upon the location. In my dreams, more lost gnomes will appear in the coming months and years till the surrounding woodland is filled with them - broken gnomes, the faded, the unwanted - all the gnomes that nearby city dwellers do not want any more.
I'm a laughing gnome and you can't catch me
Clever idea! The gnomes look happy in their new home.
ReplyDeleteWhy are gnomes always male? I would like to see a cute Margaret gnome!
DeleteA little private golf course here has gnomes and other figures scattered on the property. I remember the first time a saw one. I was outward bound until some body calmed me down.
ReplyDeleteIf you get to go to a fancy dress party Red - may I suggest that you dress as a garden gnome.
DeleteYou don't want him because his hat is broken?? Shame on you! Was the hat tip still in the bag? You can glue that back on and then paint over the glue line if necessary.. Broken and faded gnomes get repaired and painted in my home and live happy lives in the back porch. I'd put them in the garden if I could be 100% sure they wouldn't get stolen, but that's not the case here.
ReplyDeleteIf it was as simple as just gluing the tip back on I would have done it but there were several flaky bits too.
DeleteI have quite a lot of possessions to which I feel favourably disposed but not sufficiently to wish to keep them in my home. Unfortunately it doesn't seem practical to transport them to Yorkshire to delight those who might stumble across them in the picturesque spot of my choice.
ReplyDeleteSurely there are some picturesque spots around Sydney - such as his navel and his armpits.
DeleteI'm glad they've got each other for company in their exile.
ReplyDeleteI hope they weren't too scared last night when the owls hooted and the foxes screamed.
DeleteWith some encouragement from me, my youngest son bought a painted concrete gnome for his mother as a Christmas present about 35 years ago. The gnome is riding on the back of a pig whilst holding on to one of its ears. It lives in France, and it is well loved. Oink oink.
ReplyDeleteRiding on the back of a pig - that's disgusting! Bestiality is illegal.
DeleteThe Land of Lost Gnomes will acquire new residents soon, I imagine.
ReplyDeleteAs for your question to Margaret, of course gnomes aren't always male! I can tell you have never been to Germany, the country of origin of all garden gnomes, and where you can see male and female gnomes happily sharing many a front garden. How did you think little gnomes were made?
I visited Germany before you were born Meike and never saw one female gnome. I must admit that I never thought about where baby gnomes came from and now I have got lurid images in my mind.
DeleteLitterbug!!
ReplyDeleteNo comment as author is fuming.
DeleteSuch a sad end for a noble gnome - poor Roger, he doesn't deserve to be cast aside.
ReplyDeleteThat's an intriguing thought YP - yes, why are gnomes always male? Is it something to do with folklore - were gnomey images of females frowned upon? I suppose we'll never know. Another thought to ponder - what would lady gnomes be called - gnomesses?
Maybe fairies?
DeleteAsda do a range of female gnomes, all plastic, so fakes, we don't have gnomes here, so can't add to your bunch of merry men.
ReplyDeleteNo gnomes in your garden? How coarse!
DeleteIf he is gnome napped, Roger the Dodger may end up in Bratislava or some similar foreign place. He may even lose his name. A gnome should be a friend kept until the end of its life. Just because they don't look so good, you callously discarded them to their fate.
ReplyDeleteI admit I am a brute.
DeleteEntertaining post, YP. Question is, did Roger recognize himself?
ReplyDeleteU
Which is Tasker? I cannot see any family resemblance.
ReplyDeleteTasker is the big, cheeky one on the left. He looks weathered.
DeleteWhen a gnome asks you to take them home with you, you are well advised to do so. There is one on my terrace.
ReplyDeleteIs Sweet Bear also a gnome?
DeleteHe followed me home and never left.
DeleteThere's no place like gnome.
ReplyDelete...Except a gnome away from gnome.
DeleteIs this some kind of Gnome Prison Camp???
ReplyDeleteWas ICE somehow involved???
Gnomes don't like ICE in their gnomeade. I thought everybody knew that!
DeleteGood on the Gnomes!!!
DeleteOddly enough, on my walk with Shirley yesterday in a residential neighborhood in the city, I came across a front garden filled with gnomes. I almost stopped and snapped a photo, but sadly I didn't. The gnome filled garden made me smile, and I need to smile!
ReplyDeleteYou could make your garden gnome-filled too Michael!
DeleteYou crack me up, Mr. P. May the gnomes live long and peacefully in their woodland hideaway.
ReplyDeleteWhy haven't you got any gnomes in your garden Steve?
DeleteRoger's eyes look positively beseeching. Poor little guy. I do not think he is happy with his abandonment.
ReplyDeleteHe will soon get used to the woods and the creatures that live there.
DeleteI don't understand why you couldn't have these in your garden.
ReplyDeleteThey did not pass the quality and control test.
DeleteThey've got each other, so they won't be lonely.
ReplyDeleteWhen it is cold they will probably build a little campfire.
DeleteI worry about you sometimes Mr. P:) First the sheep and now the gnomes, what next?
ReplyDeleteJust be glad I do not live next door to you!
Deletenear here there's a rubber duck sanctuary!
ReplyDeleteIs that just after the cuddly toy zoo?
DeleteYP, since I don't know your email address and you censor comments anyway before thumbs down or up, I don't expect you to publish this comment. Please do allow me an observation before you delete.
ReplyDeleteYou were (are? to your grandchildren) a teacher. Did you freeze out pupils of yours who displeased you? Forever and ever? Still, credit where it's due: You do publish my comments even if it appears your nature so unforgiving that you won't grace me with an answer.
It's ok.
Ursula
Oh dear. The drama begins.
DeletePixie, I believe pixies are, among other interpretations, mischief makers. No need to stoke fire where there isn't even kindling. Though have noticed you, and others, like nothing better.
DeleteMy communication was with YP, hoping he'd keep it private or, if not, at least have something to say in reply. Alas, no. Makes me wonder what a teacher he was, how he communicates with those closest to him. I can cope with most things in life. The silent treatment I do find creepy. Maybe that is YP's desired outcome.
U
From the picture it looks to me like a bit of red paint would have been enough to fix it, but I guess I'll have to take your word for it... At least you did not send him off to the woods on his own but gave him a couple of companions. They make me think of Frodo the hobbit setting off with his friends - who knows what adventures may await them!! Will you be going back to check on them?
ReplyDeleteIn fact, I went back 24 hours later. All is well Monica.
DeleteYou mad bugger
ReplyDeleteGuilty your honour.
Delete