Last night, through the magic of television, I watched the Irish comedian Arlon O'Hanlon performing on the "Apollo" stage in Hammersmith, London. He came up with the idea of making a kind of anti-bucket list. Things that he would definitely not want to do and this has inspired me to do the same.
Things I never want to do...
- Swim with dolphins.
- Go on a rocket into outer space.
- Have any kind of tattoo.
- Spend a week submerged aboard a submarine.
- Take a bungee jump from a bridge.
- Visit Dubai - apart from the airport.
- Get trapped in a lift with Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage
- Do O level Maths again.
- Smoke another cigarette.
- Die in a transport accident.
- Feature in any kind of reality TV programme.
- Have any kind of cosmetic surgery.
- Pay for a SKY TV subscription.
- Read anything by Jeffrey Archer.
- Vote for The Conservative Party.
- Attend a horse racing event.
- Perform a striptease act at a Women's Institute conference.
- Get mugged.
- Have a drink with Elon Musk at Mar-a-Lago... or anywhere else.
- Shoot a gun.
- Visit the USA while Trump is the president.
- Drive a monster truck.
- Wear a kilt.
- Try skydiving.
- Eat sheep's eyeballs.
- Become a monk.
- Attempt to climb Mount Everest.
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So that's my anti-bucket list but in the comments I invite you to share two or three things that you would definitely put on your own anti-bucket list.
Nelson Algren said never go to bed with a lady who's got more problems
ReplyDeletethan you have and never play poker with a guy named Doc.
He had a fling with Simone de Beauvoir but refused to live in Paris.
Simone : Of course I'm a better writer than Nelson !
Nelson : Of course I'm a better writer than Simone !
Norman Mailer met Algren in Chicago and said he really knew all the bums and
losers and hucksters and cops in his novels.
NELSON ALGREN : THE ROAD IS NOTHING, THE END IS ALL.
NELSON ALGREN LIVE - OFFICIAL TRAILER STARRING WILLEM DAFOE.
ALGREN'S LAST NIGHT. BulltetProof Film. YouTube.
YouTube
Okay, okay Mr Haggerty but what would be on your anti-bucket list? A night in a Travelodge with Nicola Sturgeon? A wild swim across Loch Ness with Nessie surfacing like a walrus? Reading all of the romantic novels of Barbara Cartland? A day trip to Cumbernauld?
DeleteI agree with everything on your list! I don't want to date or get married ever again.
ReplyDeleteLove can come when you least expect it Ellen.
DeleteI definitely wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift.
ReplyDeleteI don't want to see any animal suffer.
I don't want to watch climate change in real time.
But you are already seeing climate change in real time Kylie!
DeleteI've actually done a few of the things on your list with no regrets.
ReplyDeleteAny kind of bungee jumping would definitely be on mine.
You mean... you've had a drink with Elon Musk at Mar-a-Lago?
Delete