31 October 2025

Halloween

There are no ghosts or spirits on the loose and Halloween is a load of old bunkum. Witches, skeletons, scary scarecrows, spiders and suchlike - it is all what the Irish might call bollix.

When I was a lad, growing up in the heart of East Yorkshire, Halloween was hardly a thing. After all, just four days later we had Mischief Night to look forward to and on November 5th - one of the most momentous days of the year - Bonfire Night which is sometimes called Guy Fawkes Night. Compared with that, Halloween was a mere blip on the calendar.

When our kids were little, it was with much reluctance that we allowed the Halloween nonsense to seep into our lives. After all, the commercial hype had gradually become unstoppable. There were costumes to buy, parties to attend and scary films to watch. Halloween had got everywhere - rather like COVID19.

The presence of swollen pumpkins in our supermarkets was quite distasteful. Shouldn't farmers grow things we can eat and not orange orbs to be carved for Halloween and then discarded? It didn't seem right so I was a dad who never carved a pumpkin... until yesterday afternoon.

Partly, I carved it for the granddaughters but mostly  for my own creative satisfaction. I had bought the pumpkin from Sainsburys for a mere £1.75 (US $2.30). Bigger ones cost £2.

I wanted to give my pumpkin a happy face. He or she should not be scary. There is enough scariness in the world right now so why should I add to that climate? Besides, as I said at the beginning, there are no ghosts or evil spirits. That is pure poppycock.

I planned the face and used one of Phoebe's water-based felt-tips to mark out the features - knowing that I could later wipe those lines away. Phoebe got on a step to watch the pumpkin artist at work but, annoyingly, she kept leaning on me, threatening to jolt my right hand in which I held a sharp kitchen dagger.

The insides of my very first finished pumpkin's head were thrown out for composting. In that sense I felt rather like a lobotomist. I found a large tea candle in a tin container and lit it just before teatime, placing the head on a table next to the French windows in our dining room. It was already dark by then.

Phoebe and Margot were called to the unlit dining room to see the glowing happy face outside and of course they were as impressed by old grandpa's artistry as  Rembrandt's grandchildren were probably impressed by "The Night Watch".  Happy Halloween everybody - whatever that stupid greeting might mean to you!

43 comments:

  1. You and I seem to be in a minority these days, preferring the traditional English Bonfire Night instead of the ghastly American import of Halloween and particularly trick-or-treat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think there are some more of us around but the others keep quiet. It's a self-preservation thing.

      Delete
  2. As kids, we only knew Halloween from American films. But having a massive US-American military presence in our area until the Gulf War, our businesses catered for their tastes, and of course gradually, much of it was adopted here - but fortunately, I was too old by then, and our parents never had to buy Halloween costumes for us or watched over us while we were knocking on our neighbours' doors for trick or treat.
    Now, it's common practice in kindergardens and (elementary) schools to have parties and costume contests, decorating everything just as you describe.
    The only thing we did try out several years before moving out from home was to carve a pumpkin, but its insides weren't thrown out - Mum made soup with it, and it was delicious.
    Your happy pumpkin makes a refreshing change to all the "scary" decor around!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad to hear that you missed all the Halloween nonsense when you were a girl.

      Delete
    2. I forgot to say that your description of Bonfire Night in "The Headland" was my favourite part of the book; I felt as if I was really there.

      Delete
  3. Excellent first pumpkin carving! Happy Halloween!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yeah! Such happiness with ghouls and spiders' webs and skulls.

      Delete
  4. Fasten all the doors together but leave one slack, then knock on them all.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Bah, humbug.
    Oops ... wrong party ...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Like you, mischief night and bonfire night were the highlights of the season, and I'm not on board with the halloween shenanigans that seem to get bigger and more expensive every year, but I do seem to recall that we made lanterns from swedes in a similar way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I once made a lantern from a swede! It was an effort that deserved a medal. In comparison, these orange pumpkins are an absolute cinch to carve.

      Delete
  7. You old curmudgeon! I love Halloween and always have. Of course it's nothing like it was when I was a kid, but I still enjoy it. I'm wearing my pumpkin shirt today and will wear my Dia de los Muertos shirts the next two. Boo on you! (nice carving, btw)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please don't boo on me Kelly. I only have to wipe it off! Pleased to be an old curmudgeon!

      Delete
  8. Although I’ve always lived in Northern England, I confess I’d never heard of Mischief Night. Turns out, from a bit of googling, it’s localised in areas right across the North but I can’t have lived in any of them - talk about being parochial!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Are you posh Caree? That might explain it.

      Delete
    2. Ha,ha - she guffaws, with little finger raised, of course.

      Delete
  9. I like my old pumpkin which said fuck off on it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How did you carve the "o"?

      Delete
    2. He could have used the Norwegian Ø - would come out rather like J Cleese as the French Knight in MP and the Holy Grail. (Yes, I know you are too old for that and MP too public-school for either of you, but just a thort.)

      Delete
    3. Marcie old chum! I was an extra in "Monty Python and The Holy Grail" when some scenes were filmed on the moors above Stirling in the early summer of 1974. Is MP short for Marcellous Ponsonby?

      Delete
    4. As to MP, obviously not.
      Otherwise, that is a claim to fame! Did you make the cut? I'm hazarding a guess that these were the final scenes when everybody was rounded up by the police.

      Delete
  10. Excellent carving, Professor! I'm so impressed I'm sending your name on to the Minnesota State Fair to see if they'll hire you to carve Miss Minnesota out of butter next summer. Watch your mail, or post, I think you blokes call it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It will be easier to rescue Miss Minnesota from the butter when it has melted.

      Delete
  11. Your jack-o-lantern looks great! 🎃 I'll bet the girls loved it. Happy Halloween to the Puddings!

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm impressed with your creativity in carving!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I based my design on your profile picture Red.

      Delete
  13. I'm glad you bent your scornful tone to be able to carve a pumpkin face for your grandchildren. The happy chatter of excited children went by our front door last night to some Halloween do in the market but no trick or treaters from them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Personally, I think a scornful tone is quite sexy.

      Delete
  14. That's the happiest pumpkin I have ever seen. Well done and Happy Halloween to all of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Why make the pumpkins scary? I don't get it.

      Delete
  15. My wife and myself were in a cycle shop in Sheffield on October 31st, when a man staggered in covered in blood. He had been knocked off his bike but wasn't wearing a helmet! Nobody at first seemed shocked - there's a moral in there somewhere!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There's a brain in there somewhere telling that man to wear a helmet! With its many hills, Sheffield isn't the best city for cyclists.

      Delete
  16. I like your "happy face" lantern. In my childhood and youth there were no Halloween feasts celebrated, it was a solemn weekend with visiting graveyards and lighting candles and remembering deceased loved ones. Nowadays people (or at least some people) seem to manage to mix both traditions here too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How marvellous that you can remember those days - less tainted by Americanisation.

      Delete
  17. If you had pigs, you could bust it up today and feed it to the pigs.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nope! We do not have any pigs.Just a herd of cows and a flock of sheep.

      Delete
  18. I took my grandsons trick or treating around the block and we had lots of fun. Just friendly people enjoying the costumes and some amazing decorations to enjoy. The kids were so excited by all of the treats they got. My brother grows pumpkins for us and he's always so happy to see what the children have carved.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you did not scare the neighbours Ellen!

      Delete
  19. I also prefer a happy jack-o-lantern, though I haven't made one in years. I suppose I might if I had child relatives around!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Making that lantern was more about my creative urge than pleasing the granddaughters.

      Delete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

Most Visits