Following my last post on the tiny Balkan state of Verifica, I have undertaken further research into everyday life in that country. It seems that in many ways, Verificans live in a time warp and in terms of male-female relations, they would find the idea of equal rights quite laughable. Even today, Verifican ladies choose to live like slaves, honouring their men folk, following instructions to the letter. When a Verifican man comes home from a hard day's goat herding (i.e. sitting on a big rock with his mates watching goats graze) his wife will always have a meal prepared (usually goat meat and roasted Balkan parsnips) then after the meal, she will massage his feet with sweet-scented yytxcvl oil - making a point of asking if he wishes to ugghhar (copulate) that evening. Invariably, the man will nod, stating his preferences - to which of course all wives accede with seductive smiles - "xxzzerj rbadub!" ("Whatever you wish my darling"). Even during the recent economic explosion caused by the word verification industry, women have continued to know their place. In the photograph below, we see Mr Ffrchk Dqjurt leading his wife home to weave a traditional reed pen for his baby goats. In Western Europe, North America and the Antipodes, we have much to learn from Verifican society I feel.
"Frsstup bzzirtz!" (Move it bitch!)
Oh, Yorkshire Pudding, I fear that mischievous miscreants have skewed your research! While Verifican females do indeed prepare goat meat kebobs and Balkan parsnips, it is the men who rub the women's feet with sweet-scented yytxcvl oil after a long day's work. Ugghar is a mutually beneficial and activity. The reason why Mrs. Ffrchk Dqjurt is carrying the reeds on her back is because Mr. Ffrchk Dqjurt hurt his back last week while building a new addition for the yurt. Far from equal-rights being "laughable," we have much to learn from the mutual respect and admiration Verifican men and women have for each other. I know this ruins your idea of fun, but I simply could not be silent on such an important cultural matter!
ReplyDeleteOh wise Alkelda, I bow to your greater knowledge - now go and feed the goats and get my lunch!
ReplyDeleteYP, Does that mean I get footrubs with sweet-scented yytxcvl oil? I can hardly wait!
ReplyDeleteALKIE - Unfortunately there is now a national shortage of yytxcvl oil following a poor yytxcvl harvest last year. Also enterprising Dutchmen who operate colourful businesses in Amsterdam have bought up the surplus - for what reason I know not. However, if you want a rub down with lard, I will be happy to oblige.
ReplyDeleteoye loike Lard!
ReplyDeleteRock on Alkelda!
Good thing I'm not a Verifican female...I'll cook dinner but darn if I'll carry reeds on my back! lol I'd most likely use one of the reeds to whip the man....hmmmmm now there's an idea lol
ReplyDeleteI ought to be chastising you for offences against feminism, but I am too busy being doubled up laughing.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant.
Oh, Lard! Yum.
ReplyDelete