|The Alfond Inn, Orlando|
I'm sitting on a big aeroplane operated by "Delta" - in seat D1 to be precise and we are currently thirty thousand feet above the Atlantic Ocean. It's the morning flight from Manchester to Orlando, Florida. I didn't even realise that you can now connect to the internet whilst in flight! Quite amazing.
There's an enormous coffee-coloured woman next to me. Wobbly rings of flabby flesh are overlapping into my personal space and she is snoring like an old sow. I believe that the technical term for her physical state is "obese" though it is not a word I normally like to see or even hear. Her body odour is also noteworthy - like a rugby team's forgotten laundry basket.
In just over an hour, we'll be touching down and then I am going to get a cab to my hotel - The Alfond Inn - before travelling on to "The Laughing Horse Tavern" for tonight's big event. Oh my god, Michelin Woman has passed wind! Euurgh! ...See you there folks! And for those of you who cannot be in Orlando tonight - HAPPY NEW YEAR!