|The Kardashians - well, four of them...|
I don't know about you but I refuse to subscribe to The Cult of Celebrity. It's everywhere. The seven billion non-famous human beings on this planet are constantly bombarded with news about one thousand so-called celebrities and their very boring activities. Television is awash with celebrities. Shows that were never intended to feature celebrities get taken over by them. "Celebrity Masterchef", "Celebrity Mastermind", "Celebrity Bake Off", "Celebrity Pointless", "Celebrity Ice Dancing", "Celebrity Big Brother". Celebrity This and Celebrity That. They are laughing all the way to the bank while we non-celebrities squirm in the shadows of our obscurity.
Anyway, I have come up with a brilliant idea for a new TV programme featuring both celebrities and non-celebrities. The working title is "Celebrity Hunt" and basically it involves non-celebrities tracking down celebrities in Sherwood Forest.
The first programme will involve The Kardashians - a self-publicising family who have magically achieved fame without effort or talent of any description. Previously knowing absolutely nothing about them, I have discovered that there are lots of them but for the first show only these Kardashians will feature - Kimberly, Khloe, Kourtney and Rob.
From The Centre Tree they will be given a five minute start to save their hides. Then the non-celebrities will pursue them through the forest. The non-celebrities will be supplied with sniffer dogs and M16A4 automatic rifles as used widely by the American military. The aim of this exciting new gameshow is to track down the celebrities and eliminate them. Should any Kardashians manage to escape from the forest they will be allowed to go forward into next week's show when it is hoped that the celebrities will include Donald Trump, BBC Radio 2 DJ Chris Evans, Miley Cyrus and Russell Brand. They will also be tracked down and, with any luck, eradicated.
Several ideas are still in the melting pot - such as the theme music and who will be the programme's narrator. "The Hunter" by Free is an early contender for the theme music honour. I have every belief that "Celebrity Hunt" will quickly become very popular with non-celebrity TV viewers and thousands are expected to apply to become hunters on the show.