9 October 2020

Fly

Meet Ralph. He's a fly. On Tuesday evening he landed on Vice President Mike Pence's snowy head during his televised debate with Kamala Harris.

Training Ralph was no mean feat I can tell you. Having him transported to the debate venue in Salt Lake City, Utah was also very challenging. Please don't tell anybody else but I used a  carrier called Helen Schultz who I discovered online. She is a student at The University of Utah majoring in Librarianship. She was a member of the invited audience and Ralph secretly accessed Kingsbury Hall in Helen's mop of curly red hair. Security did not think to check there.

At the assigned moment, Ralph flew bravely into the glare of the television lights and made a perfect touchdown on Mr Pence's head. It was reminiscent of July 20th 1969. As instructed, Ralph stayed on Mr Pence's head for exactly two minutes and fifteen seconds. There is no truth  in the rumour that Ralph defecated on the snow white orb during his mission.

A similar procedure has been arranged for the next live presidential debate if  it ever happens but this time it will not be Ralph landing on Mr Trump's ridiculous hairstyle. It will be a six year old fruit bat called Vera. She has a five foot wingspan and weighs in at just over three pounds. Lord knows how Mr Trump will react when she lands. Perhaps, like Mr Pence, he will not notice her.

40 comments:

  1. Thank you for explaining the origin of the now famous fly! We could not help but laugh when we saw the fly land on his head not for a second or two but a full two minutes! At first I thought it might be stuck to his head on hairspray and I had visions of it staying there the remainder of the debate and then leaving with Pence when it was over. But no, the fly actually did walk around a bit and finally left with Pence still totally unaware. I did see Kamala's eyes slightly widen when she saw the fly but otherwise no one said anything.

    During the debate Biden's Twitter account showed him watching the debate with a flyswatter in his hand. His fundraisers then sold flyswatters that said "Truth over flies." and they sold out overnight!

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    1. Now that's entrepreneurship at it's best! By the way, Ralph's contribution to the debate was more interesting than anything Pence had to say.

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    2. Maybe if Vera was a vampire bat...

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  2. Your storyline made me smile, but Trump doesn't need props to make people laugh; unfortunately.

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    1. Only smile? Damn! I wanted you to at least chuckle Charlotte!

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  3. Did not watch 'the event of the fly' past listening to words that have no meaning. But enjoyed your story.

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    1. There used to be an expression, "No flies on me!" Shame VP Pence can't say that.

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  4. Party pooper alert!

    Shaming someone the twin brother of Schadenfreude.

    I can't see anything funny in laughing at an old guy with a fly on his white hair. I dare say those who thought it hilarious would also NOT point out to him should his flies be open.

    U

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    1. Pooping at parties is inadvisable - unless you use the bathroom.

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    2. On that very subject, Ursula seems not to have revisited my reply to her comment about Clive James, but what with that and snail bogeys she'll never visit me again.

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    3. Friday, 9 Oct, 2259 hrs.

      Oh contraire, Tasker. Not only did I give your reply re CJ due reflection - unless I am mistaken I have since left you another comment. It does take some doing to shake me off like so many a pesky fly. Not that I am attracted to shit.

      U

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  5. It was Geoff Goldblum continuing to campaign for the Democrats.

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    1. Is he related to Jeff Goldblum who starred in "The Fly"?

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    2. Caught me not taking due care yet again.

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  6. I see Bonnie beat me to telling you about the Biden brand flyswatter! Hahaha.

    Flies know bs when they see it.

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    1. The Biden flyswatter was out there in social media almost before the debate was over. I wonder if the fly smelt the hair tonic Pence had purchased at the gift shop in Trump Tower.

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  7. I thought that flies were only attracted to rotten organic matter?
    Wonder what drew this particular one?

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    1. As you know, I do not like to blow my own trumpet, but it was all about the training.

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  8. Fly in the appointment I mean ointment. At least it was a very civil debate.

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    1. Yes. Compared with the car crash that was the debate between Mr Biden and The Big Orange Baby, this was almost pleasant.

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  9. The enlarged fly reminded me of the 1957 sci-fi movie, The Incredible Shrinking Man. Reduced to the size of a millimetre, the embattled hero had to fight off a predatory spider who wanted to ensnare him in its web.

    Kingsley Amis said that as an atheist, science fiction was the nearest he got to religion. Watching The Incredible Shrinking man as a child of six, I had my first cosmic experience.

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    1. I suppose you must have worshipped spiders ever since then John.

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    2. As Steve said below, only the Fly will be remembered, years from now.

      As for small spiders, I have a certain tendresse towards them, for they are clean, clever, lucky, as elaborate in their web-making as any wizard.
      Isn't there a big spider in Australia who hides in dunnies and stings like a scorpion?

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    3. With highly toxic venom produced in large amounts and large fangs to inject it, the Sydney funnel-web spider is without a doubt the deadliest spider in Australia, and possibly the world. Found in New South Wales, in forests as well as populated urban areas, they burrow in humid sheltered places.

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    4. they burrow in humid sheltered places..... and make overnight stops in the toes of boots and shoes left out on the porch...

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    5. Sounds like you are speaking from experience Tigger. I guess it's why you escaped to Greece.

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    6. The deadliest spider in Australia is a good reason to restrict travel to the Green Roads of England. At the end of his life John Steinbeck told his wife that his happiest days were the summer weeks they spent in Somerset. He was reading Thomas Mallory and writing his own version of King Arthur and *the Matter of Britain*.

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    7. John Steinbeck died too young. His writing really spoke to me and I have even visited the John Steinbeck Museum in Salinas, California. I wonder what he would have made of Trump, the pandemic and the internet.

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    8. I envy you your trip to Salinas, the golden valley in Steinbeck's country, from East of Eden to Travels With Charlie. His coronary problems ended his life too soon as you say; and his tour of Vietnam did him no good, the jealous American war correspondents resenting his presence.

      His widow's nephews inherited his considerable estate, while Steinbeck's two beloved sons by his earlier marriage did not get a cent from posthumous sales.

      Read his Letters, the journal he kept while writing East of Eden, and *The True Adventures of John Steinbeck, Writer* by Jackson J Benson.

      Given his knowledge of the Bible, I find his atheism puzzling. He was too much influenced by Marx, Freud, and the Enlightenment, which I see as a darkening in many ways. Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot were products of that darkening.
      If only Steinbeck had studied William Blake, Kierkegaard and Karl Barth.

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  10. I'd pay to see that, though I'm a little worried for Vera's safety!

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    1. It IS kind of funny to think that this tiny creature, alive for such a short time, has managed to insert itself into political history to such an extent. Years from now the only thing anyone will remember about that debate is the fly.

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    2. Perhaps it will become Mike Pence's nickname - The Fruit Fly. A messenger from God.

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  11. I quit watching the debate before the fly landed. Darn it. Sounded like the best part of the whole thing. I just wish that either the moderator or Ms. Harris had pointed out to Pence that he had a fly on his head. I think that would have been excellent TV comedy.

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    1. At first, Pence would not have believed it. He would have jumped to the conclusion that they were playing a trick on him. "Oh yeah? You can't trick me like that! I also believe that someday scientists will come to see that only the theory of intelligent design provides even a remotely rational explanation for the known universe.

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  12. Ooh! I like the last sentence!

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    1. Happy to have given you a little chuckle Red.

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  13. First time I hear about it - somehow, the fly didn't make it to our main news on German TV. Maybe our media are too busy right now with the worrying increase in Covid-19 cases, and working out what measures are going to be in place. It feels like we've been moving backwards in time, to late March/early April. Only looking at the beautiful autumn colours outside makes it clear that we have actually almost arrviced at mid-October.

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  14. I very much look forward to seeing the fruit bat landing on the absurd hair. US$7,000 pa to maintain his hair. Not really money well spent.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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