It was Father's Day last weekend but what do you give a father who has everything he needs? My thoughtful daughter, Frances, found something new that would enrich my life - "the little button of big laughs" as shown above. Press it 135 times and you will hear 135 different jokes - more specifically "dad jokes". I asked Google what a "dad joke" actually was and received this answer - "an unoriginal or predictable joke, especially a pun, of a type supposedly told by fathers."
Okay, I can go along with that. I admit that I have told some pretty corny jokes in my time but what I will say in my defence and in defence of fathers everywhere is that dad jokes are generally much funnier than mum jokes. Do mums even tell jokes?
These are the kind of jokes you hear when you press my "Dad Jokes" button...
How did I know my girlfriend thought I was invading her privacy? ...She wrote about it in her diary.
Two windmills were sitting on a hill. One asks the other, "Do you have a favourite song?" The other replies, "Well... all my life I have been a heavy metal fan."
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance... So I pushed her over.
Can a frog jump higher than a house?... Of course, a house can't jump.I was going to try an all almond diet... but that's just nuts.
⦿
I realise that at this moment you are probably in such a state of side-splitting merriment that you have had to pick yourself up off the floor. However, if you have got a good dad joke up your sleeve - why not share it in the comments?
Those are truly awful jokes:)
ReplyDeleteGive us a mum joke then Pixie.
DeleteSorry, I didn't even crack a smile..... maybe next time!
ReplyDeleteCould we have a Deb joke then?
DeleteI used to know one, if I can remember it I'll let you know. LOL
DeleteI don't mind admitting you made me laugh with several of those. I love a good dad joke.
ReplyDeleteWhat did Santa Claus do in his garden all summer? Ho Ho Ho
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Oh! Ho-ho! I like those jokes Kelly!
DeleteIt's not a Dad joke, but this is my favorite joke:
DeleteA nurse walks into a bank preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer. She pauses a moment then looks at the teller and says, “Well that’s great…… just great…..Some asshole’s got my pen.”
That's quite an interesting point about the reputed absence of "mum jokes." Are mums not allowed to make jokes? Are they just too busy to do so? Do "dad jokes" come from a particular position of power? Is the point of "dad jokes" that they entail a momentary ludic relaxation of paternal authority? Does the nurturing/maternal role preclude joking?
ReplyDeleteetc etc
There's a university thesis there somewhere cobber!
DeleteMum jokes? Dad Jokes? Not off the top of my head but maybe if I think about it for a while.
ReplyDeleteHow about a mucky Elsie joke?
DeleteI didn't know that there was such a category as Dad Jokes, but they do remind me of Christmas Cracker jokes. Must be related.
ReplyDeleteMy Dad had some jokes and sayings he used for specific occasions, but EVERY time those specific occasions arose - so, yes, his were very predictable ones, but they still made us laugh. Probably the predictability was part of that.
Better to tell corny jokes than no jokes at all.
DeleteSadly I was seriously underwhelmed - there must be better ones!
ReplyDeleteOne morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn.
DeleteYou show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him,
'This is the one...right here.'
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,
'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
'That's simple; by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and starts to walk away and with complete confidence, says over her shoulder, ......'I assume it's to hang your trousers on.'
I smiled at them all and particularly liked the cow joke. Easily pleased and simple-minded, that's me.
ReplyDeleteI am in the same club Jabber.
DeleteAnd no smut!....except for your last one of course 😉
ReplyDeleteSorry JayCee, I know you like a lot of smut with your cornflakes.
DeleteDid you here about the magic tractor? It turned into a field.
ReplyDeleteA man walks into a pet shop and says to the pet shop owner: "I would like to buy a wasp please". "Sorry sir we don't sell wasps." "Yes you do. You have got one in the window!".
Did you actually write the jokes for my Dad Jokes button?
DeleteMy dads favourite:
ReplyDeleteWhat happened to the cow on the railway track?
Dis-arsed-her
Poor cow!
Delete(I meant the actual cow in the joke - not you Kylie!)
If the Dad Jokes device stops working, you can just google. The first one I hit on was this: "What kind of shoes to frogs wear? Open-toad sandals."
ReplyDeleteHA-HA!
DeleteTwo Norwegians were telling Swedish jokes. "Do you know how to save a Swede from drowning?" the first one said. "No," his friend said after a little while.
The first Norwegian grinned, "Oh, that's good."
Typical neighbourly bantering between our two nations. It goes both ways...
Deletei'd gladly tell you the joke about the dustbin, but it's rubbish...... so instead i'll tell you the joke about the broken pencil.... there's really no point!
ReplyDeleteLooks like you would be a great source of ideas for a new Dad Jokes button!
DeleteDonald Trump has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.” Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump. The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!"
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting that particular happy ending! Nice one Addy!
Delete🤣🤣
DeleteOuch. My sides. 😀
ReplyDeleteYou could wear a corset Bob!
DeleteI'm terrible at jokes. And yeah, why aren't there mom jokes?
ReplyDeleteIn my vast experience, men do get to the dad joke stage and it's not funny. Nor are the jokes.
ReplyDeleteMum jokes are usually about dads.
ReplyDeleteThe Nissan dealer said he would give my new Juke its first service. I said not to bother. It isn't religious.
ReplyDelete