31 July 2008

Suitcase

"Da-da-da-da da-da-da...
We are going on our summer holiday.
No more working for a week or two.
We are bound for sunny Turkey
Bet you wish you were coming too
Oo-oo Oo-oo!
We're going where the sun shines brightly
We're going where the sea is blue..."
SUITCASE CHECK:-
  1. Sun lotion
  2. Toothbrush
  3. Sandals and white ankle socks
  4. Superman beach towel
  5. Rubber ring
  6. Tetley's Teabags (180 pack)
  7. "War and Peace" by Leo Tolstoy (Thanks Alkelda)
  8. Binoculars for bikinis on beach survey (purely sociological)
  9. "The Complete History of Hull City A.F.C." in six volumes.
  10. "Islam Sucks!" T-shirt
  11. "Turkey isn't for life it's for Christmas" T-shirt
  12. "British Lager Lout on Tour" T-shirt.
  13. Homer Simpson swimming shorts.
  14. Flesh coloured "Speedo" thong.
  15. Swimming mask for bikinis under water survey (purely sociological)
  16. "Midnight Express" DVD
  17. Pet rat - Roland (starving) in case of customs search.
  18. Fart powder to slip in holiday rep's "welcome meeting" Sangria.
  19. After sun lotion.
  20. Map showing location of nearest medical centre.
  21. String vest x 2
  22. Y-Fronts (White) x 10
  23. Andrews Liver Salts
  24. Camera for bikini survey (purely sociological)
  25. Passport
  26. 200 new Turkish lira (Not old ones!)
  27. £10 note for entry visa.
  28. Box of ballpoint pens and small hand mirrors to give to the peasants.
  29. "Visit Sheffield" leaflets to give to waiters and housekeepers in lieu of tips.
  30. Jar of cranberry sauce ( after all we are visiting Turkey!)
  31. Oh and plane tickets... always very useful.

12 comments:

  1. You are an angel...thanks for the recipe...and my other readers will thank you too...I love Madras Chicken...now, about this trip to Turkey...if you were my son I'd lock you in your room till the suitcase was properly packed...I would want him to come home with all his bits and pieces...might you rethink the packing of said case?
    Sandi

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  2. I'm just sitting here in Leeds. In the rain. No further comment, m'lud. Oh, all RIGHT then. Have a lovely time.

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  3. Have a super time!

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  4. "War and Peace"...gosh..."light" reading material. No wonder you need the BIG suitcase...have a (Turkish) delightful time!

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  5. Does this shade of green suit me?

    Enjoy every minute.

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  6. Now, is that a HUGE case, or are those teeny tiny baggage handlers? If the latter, do they live under the conveyor belt? Could I have one if they're going spare?

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  7. 32. Large white hanky with a knot in each corner...

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  8. thanks for the comment about paragraphs...I'll try to do better in future.
    Sandi

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  9. Is Leon Tolstoy the snot-nosed nephew of Leo Tolstoy who tried to copy his illustrious uncle's magnum opus, but ended up writing a novella about a restaurant debacle?

    Have a lovely trip! I have always wanted to see blue water.

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  10. That large-ish orange suitcase is for me to stow away in, right? When I'm at the beach next week, I'll pretend I'm in Turkey and do some bikini watching for you. Unfortunately, here in the south, very large women find bikinis perfectly appropriate. *shudder* I'll leave you to think of Kathy Bates in a bikini. She would be one of the thinner women wearing a skimpy 2 piece in NC.

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  11. Phew! Back in Blighty...
    SANDI - Your son? Hell you Yanks start producing young. Maybe that's why your paragraphing skills are shaky.
    DAPHNE - Thanks for your somewhat reluctant good wishes.
    THREE LEGGED CAT - We had quite a bit of fun almost in spite of the Turkish heatwave. At times I felt like a turkey!
    KATHERINE - Thanks.
    HADRIANA - Turkish delightful? Haw! Haw! How droll!
    JJ - Shade of green? What you on about? I'll find out later.
    MOPSA - You're right, they are baggage elves. The suitcase is normal size.
    TOTTY TEABAG - I actually do wear a knotted handkerchief! It freaked out a few young Turks. The archetypal Englishman abroad.
    ALKELDA - I knew someone would spot that deliberate mistake! Well done lassie!
    FRIDAY - I did see some bathing "beauties" who might have caused lesser men to seriously consider swinging the other way. Why one lady's mammary vessels were so ginormous they displaced many gallons of water from the swimming pool when she ventured in - so it's not just junk food trailer trash southern US women who challenge the Baywatch idea of how to look good on the beach.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.