24 November 2009

Caulk


Welcome to "I'm In a DIY Jam Get Me Outta Here" Yorkshire Pudding's DIY tips programme.

"Hello everybody. I want to talk to you today about caulk - sometimes known as decorators' filler. You can buy it at any reputable DIY store. It generally comes in hard plastic tubes with an attached plastic nozzle. In order to dispense it, you need to nip off the end of the tube with a craft knife, screw on the plastic nozzle and place the whole tube in a caulking gun.
Especially in older houses but whenever you are decorating a room, you will find that the desired end finish is slightly spoilt by little gaps and cracks. They may appear where a skirting board meets the wall or where laminate edging strips butt up against the skirting or where window frames don't meet walls perfectly.
Get the gun and inject some caulk - either in long thin and even strips or just stop and fill if the crack or hole is particularly big. Unlike that horrible silicone stuff you have to use to waterproof edging in baths and showers, decorators' caulk can be nicely smoothed off with a damp cloth to produce a great end finish.
Good DIY results are to do with getting the detail right and caulk can help you to achieve an impressive finish. So instead of sitting on your fat ass exploring blogworld, get caulking!
Next week we'll be showing you how to create a floating duck house to beautify your pond or lake and the best bit is you won't have to pay a penny! We'll tell you how to claim back on your workplace expenses account...So till next week - Happy DIYing!"
(Cue theme music - "On Ilkley Moor Ba'Tat" played on homemade Trinidadian steel drums)

8 comments:

  1. Thank you for this valuable tip. I can see this series will be very valuable and intend collecting them all. I especially love the theme music.

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  2. Call the men in white coats...YP has finally gone over the edge.

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  3. I think he stood too close to a pelican once too often.

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  4. 'Ilkley Moor' is pure West Yorks, shame on you!

    *shudders*

    Rather than 'write the theme tune, sing the theme tune',may I suggest for the theme tune 'You can leave your hat on' (the original) by Joe Cocker- a real Sheffield legend.

    The cover by Tom Jones for 'The Full Monty' means you could even do the show naked unlike that other fake naked domestic god...

    I would be slightly worried how you'd dispense the Caulk, though...

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  5. I think you've just solved an ongoing problem.
    Yes, I loved the theme music but I hope you don't take all the advice offered, singing naked needs a young and virile figure...........

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  6. Very informative! I can't wait for the next episode so I can put Dorothy to work on the duck house!

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  7. KATHERINE I guess they don't have any DIY stores in New Zealand so I can send you some caulk as a Christmas present if you wish.
    RHYMES You may be right. I could have picked up a virulent strain of pelicanitis which is known to make people obsessive about DIY. Another symptom is the urge to throttle anybody who hails from The Peach State!
    BURDOCK BOOZE No need to worry how I would dispense the caulk. My clients to date have all been tremendously happy with my caulking methodology. As for "You Can Leave Your Hat On" - such theme music might give viewers the false idea they were about to view a seedy porn show...
    VALERIE Singing naked needs a young and virile figure. I agree. You should check out my six pack or better still perhaps I could give a live performance at your next Women's Institute meeting.
    SAM The duck house reference relates to an expenses scandal amongst British MPs (Like congressmen) where one particular MP thought it was fine to claim for the construction of a duck house at his primary residence...but at Wyndwood (?) a duck house might be just dandy.

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  8. Ooooo, when are you free?

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.