1 November 2010

Face

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of
vanities; all is vanity. - Ecclesiastes (ch. I, v. 2)

For a while I have been unhappy with my profile picture. It failed to convey my handsomeness as faithfully as I desired. Consequently, I have spent several hours working on a relief mask version of my visage to use as a new profile picture.

Firstly, I located two leftover Yorkshire puddings from last evening's Sunday dinner. They had been left in the oven. The larger pudding formed my head while the smaller one was skilfully dissected to form both my mouth and ears. Next, after much deliberation, I decided to use two slightly shrivelled conkers for my eyes and a beechnut still in its prickly husk for my nose. The conkers came from the thirty foot high horse chestnut tree that grew from a conker which Ian picked up when he was three years old. Shirley found the beechnut in nearby Chelsea Park when we went for a stroll yesterday afternoon.

Though I say it myself, I think the end result was worth all the creative energy that I expended. It's spooky because for me looking at this picture is just like looking in a mirror:-


If any visitors arriving at this blog would like to hire my artistic expertise to create new and similarly eye-catching unique profile pictures for their blogs, I am open to offers. The all-inclusive fees I charge are, I think you will find, most reasonable.

16 comments:

  1. Fantastic. So life-like, I will watch out for anyone with these features on my next trip to Sheffield.

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  2. You could sell this in a swanky london art house

    on the other hand...
    you need to get out more


    lol
    x

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  3. Elizabeth11:15 am

    Such astounding talent; such an extraordinary likeness. I can see your artistic genius in every ounce of battered goodness. If the commissions don't come flooding in perhaps you could develop a seasonal range for Aunt Betty -Santa with cranberry eyes and a mashed potato beard or an Easter Bunny with hot cross bun ears?

    Tell me, what would you suggest to emulate my features, YP; I'm sure we can come to some amicable arrangement in lieu of recompense for your creative insights. x

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  4. BRIAN Please don't be scared if you bump into me. Remember John Merrick? The Elephant Man.
    JOHN GRAY I "need to get out more"? Maybe I will. Find a turnip, some brillo pads, a couple of drawing pins and make a likeness of you!
    ELIZABETH I'm amazed that now you have become a big media celebrity, you are still slumming it down here in Blogland! To make your image all I will need is a bowl of semolina, two currants and a slice of crystallised ginger for the mouth.

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  5. lol
    perhaps uses a pumpkin and you've got me pegged!!!!

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  6. Is there no limit to your talents?

    It reminded me of Zoonie from Fireball XL5.

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  7. There are no words.

    The likeness is uncanny.

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  8. SHOOT PARROTS To make an image of you I would require an authentic Lancashire steak and kidney suet pudding, two five pence pieces for the eyes and a Harry Ramsden's chip for the mouth.
    RHYMES I will gladly make an image of you. Viewed from above, a Big Mac burger with eyes made from two shirt buttons from Mrs Brague's sewing basket, an anchovy for the mouth and the end of a dill pickle for the nose. It could really take off at McDonalds - everyone clamouring for a limited edition Brague burger.

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  9. Such skill! such a handsome face! such lovely 'homemade' yorkshire puddings!...I will be scouring the kitchen this weekend to perhaps change my profile pic...

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  10. What a handsome face! I shall look out for you next time I pass through Chelsea Park. I'm sure you'll stand out!

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  11. LIBBY/LOIS Sorry to disappoint you ladies but my filmstar good looks have already been pledged to another. You will have to settle for leftovers. Speaking of which, how about new profile pictures? I can knock twenty quid off for each of you. Mashed potato faces, broad bean eyes and smoky bacon smiles. Hair? Well some cat moult fur will do. I can guarantee that the end results will be as lifelike as my own.

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  12. Hmmm, I remain to be convinced...;)

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  13. I know that it is sometimes said that retired people have too much time on their hands but here we have absolute proof to the contrary. Splendid.

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  14. Daphne had some extraneous words she forgot to delete. You know which ones I mean: "to the contrary"

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  15. Tell the truth now, Mr. Pudding. You are worried that those people that you kidnapped and then transported over country are talking to the coppers and you might find them any day at your door. Isn't that why you have taken to this inanimate likeness of yourself?

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  16. DAPHNE Thank you and don't listen to R.Brague.
    MAMA THYME You got me! The tentacles of The Taliban are everywhere. For self-preservation I needed to obscure my identity. Do you work for the CIA or something? How did you work it out? By the way, according to leading members of The Tea Party, Taliban infiltrators are developing assault cells in the backwoods of Colorado. I don't want to scare you but lock your doors and windows at night and leave a Fred Flintstone club next to your bed.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.