21 September 2012

Muslin

The Muslin holy book
Having been a miltant atheist since childhood, I am thinking of joining the Muslin faith. Muslin followers are guided by the good book "Muslin" written by the prophet Memshaib Sonia Ashmore. It originated in the area of eastern India now known as Bangladesh and came to Europe in the seventeeth century. Magically, Muslin takes many forms and has proved invaluable in a range of human activities - from culinary matters to dress-making and from the theatre to sailing and medicine. As Memsahib Sonia said in the holy book, "A life without muslin is a life half lived".

Marie Antoinette in muslin

Followers of the Muslin faith must of course dress in muslin clothing which can cause raised eyebrows in the commercial palaces of the infidel. It is a little known fact that our lady the pious Marie Antoinette observed the Muslin faith very keenly and in her iconic portrait by Le Brun (1783), she is of course dressed in the finest muslin. Back in the ninth century, Arab merchant Sulaiman first described the wondrous muslin he encountered in Bengal prophesying that one day the power of the Muslin would encircle the globe - "We can maketh money from this".


Recently many followers of the Muslin faith have been shocked by YouTube videos that mock believers in muslin, suggesting that it is inferior to artificial fabrics like rayon and nylon. Fabric shops around the world have been ransacked and passers by have been stripped of their non-muslin attire. That sounds like fun to me which is one of the reasons I am thinking of ditching my deeply ingrained atheism to join the Muslin Brotherhood.

10 comments:

  1. And on the sixth day God made cheesecloth and behold, it was very good.

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  2. Personally, I prefer Silkh

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  3. But then again, I come from Leicester, not Bradford and since my Mother never allowed me to hang around with naughty girls in the Seventies I never got my paws under any cheesecloth either...

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  4. SHOOTING PARROTS It was very good but it smelt of cheese!
    HIPPO I guess the Hindu and Sikh communities of Leicester sponsored your exile to faraway Angola to protect their teenage daughters. Your chat up line "Darling, you make me sikh" won't have gone down too well.

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  5. You are more or less on the right lines Sir Pudding of the North but I sponsored my own sudden departure for urgent health reasons...

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  6. I don't cotton to your way of thinking.

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  7. HIPPO Urgent health reasons? The mind boggles.
    RHYMES WITH... Just playing around with the word "muslin" that sounds like the name of a certain bellicose religion.

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  8. I have always been a member of a secret sect - a breakaway group from the Muslins.
    We call ourselves the Satinists. We have worshipful tea-parties in which we wear chambray, taffeta and velvet garments, drink tea, wipe our mouths on the finest lawn table-napkins and stroke the brightly coloured hand-loomed and exquisitely embroidered satin tablecloths between courses.

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  9. KATHERINE Such decadence would certainly not be allowed in the much more strict Muslin religion. I am surprised you admitted your membership of the Satinists as you could be targetted by NZ followers of the Seventh Day Polyester Creed which I noticed is rife in your sheep country - once of course dominated by Primitive Woolists.

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  10. YP, I should have said 'impending' health reasons. It is quite horrifying what outraged Sikh brothers, fathers and uncles can do to a man with their Kirpans.

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