16 December 2012

Xmas

My French brother recently sent me one of those humorous "round robin" emails. Perhaps you have also received it as these things often seem to "do the rounds". This particular one concerns Christmas photos that were apparently culled from the many thousands of pictures that American Wal-Mart stores still process at this time of year. As we say in Yorkshire, "there's nowt as queer as folk"

In this professional studio picture "mom" has chosen to dress in a tasteful skimpy pvc Santa outfit. The white garter on her left thigh adds a certain touch of elegance to the composition, don't you think?
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Given what has just happened in Newtown, Connecticut, this Christmas composition in front of the tree is more than a little concerning. "Gee! Great mom, just what I wanted ! A Kalashnikov! Now I can be famous without even even auditioning for  America's Got Talent!" 
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Below - what a wholesome family portrait to send to friends and relations! It's the pastor of the local Lutheran church with his wife and sons. By the grace of God, they look so happy together:-
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And finally the kid on Santa's knee seems especially happy. Look closer folks:-
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And just in case you were wondering, there is no truth in the rumour that that particular Santa was in fact Mr R.Brague of Canton, Georgia. He would never have applied for the Santa job at "Dick's Sporting Goods" - 1810 Cumming Highway, Canton.

8 comments:

  1. I know it sounds so wrong
    but I kind of fancy the guy in the rubber plant leaf!

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  2. EARL GRAY Oh dear, I fear his leaf is already twitching!

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  3. JG, what's wrong with that? While you're distracting the pastor showing him what he's been missing all these years, I'll slip his wife her Christmas present...

    I would hesitate to accept an invitation to a themed dinner party from the couple in the fist photo.

    The second photo is scary. If they are toys, they are effing realistic.

    As for the third photo, I can't see the joke, it is just a kid sitting on Santa's knee clutching his sword... I suppose a caption could be: 'No Santa! When I asked you fo a 'wubly Willie' I meant wubly, not wubbery! Sowwy, Santa, Mummy says I have a speech impediment.

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  4. I'd pretty much believe anything that was tasteless and included the words Wal-Mart, I'd like to know where Mrs Christmas got the coconut halves from.

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  5. HUNGRY HIPPO Re. the pastor and his wife, what would the two traumatised sons be doing while you and Earl Gray delivered your "presents"?

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  6. SHOOTING PARROTS If you want some coconut halves to make Mrs Parrots a traditional Christmas bra, I have two in our garden - they once contained melted fat balls for the birds.

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  7. Do I detect that Lord Pudding is becoming a bit hysterical (in the clinical sense) at the prospect of leaving his beloved Yorkshire for the tropic climes of Bangkok?

    Speaking of Bangkok, you can always count on Santa to give the gift that keeps on giving.

    Sorry, it's early in the morning.

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  8. Nothing says classy like an afternoon of watching people at WalMart.
    I actually made my husband act as my cover while I snapped a picture of one lady in WalMart, I just couldn't resist. She was about 600 lbs and he was, (maybe) 100 lbs soaking wet. I could not look away, I am going to burn in hell, but I could not stop staring.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.