9 August 2018

Stolen

Fabio
My beloved wife woke me early this morning, yelling up the stairs - "It's gone! It's gone!"

Emerging from another dream about fairies dancing in a woodland clearing, I yelled back, "What? What's gone?"

"It's the Maserati!"

I raced  downstairs and sure enough Fabio - the banana-coloured Maserati I bought straight after my big lottery win was not where I had parked him yesterday afternoon. There was just an empty space.

We phoned Woodseats police and a couple of hours ago a panda car arrived containing P.C. Gray and P.C.Barlow - who is a woman constable still in training I believe. There were many questions to answer and papers to sign but in the end P.C. Gray confessed in his lilting Welsh accent, "You haven't much chance of getting it back. It'll probably be on a shipping container already. Heading for China or some such place." Great!

After the cops had gone, Shirley and I had a heated debate about the lottery money. To tell you the truth, it has disturbed our equilibrium. It is often said that money cannot buy you happiness and that money is the root of all evil. Well, I am beginning to concur with these sentiments. I am sick of it. We were happier before all this dosh was transferred to our bank account.

There's so much of it that the total figure is growing day by day. I could easily buy another Maserati to replace Fabio but how could I sleep at night? Instead of fairies in a woodland clearing I would be imagining hideously ugly car thieves in balaclavas, circling like vultures.

For the time-being we will stick with Clint plus Shirley's little grey car - Bonnie. By the way, Bonnie received a nasty scratch in the health centre car park on Tuesday afternoon and the careless perpetrator didn't even report it - just drove off. Damnable! 

As for the lottery money, we will just have to think some more about it.
_____________________________________________________

This blogpost was written in memory of Fabio. He did not stay long but he was my friend.

24 comments:

  1. Your dedication to Fabio made me laugh out loud. "He did not stay long but he was my friend." is perfect iambic pentameter, but I guess you already knew that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing about this blog is accidental Vivian.

      Delete
  2. Perfect iambic pentameter! Crikey, I'm out of my depth here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Crikey" is an excellent word. First recorded in 1838 it is a euphemism for "Christ!" which I am sure you already knew Sue!

      Delete
  3. Put a dent in the next one so it won't be so attractive.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. See my last blogpost. If the Maserati was brown in colour car thieves might ignore it but I like bright yellow.

      Delete
  4. Nowhere in literature is it written that money is the root of all evil. Money can be quite useful. What literature does tell us is that the love of money is the root of all evil. You do see the difference.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was alluding to the song that was made a hit by The Andrews Sisters in 1945.

      Delete
  5. Hey, you told me I could borrow it for a little while!!

    ReplyDelete
  6. My then-brand-new car was dented three times within the first six months I had it, in various parking lots. Not just little spots, either. One the size of a cereal bowl, one that pushed the front end a little to one side with accompanying scratches, and one lesser injury. We started calling it the invisible car, because clearly no one could see it. And no one so much as left a note. All that to say I share your and Shirley's dismay at the scoundrels who walked away after doing damage, just because they could.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those who do not admit to car scrapes in car parks are the lowest of the low.

      Delete
  7. Well, I'm really sorry to hear about your loss. I hope it was insured for theft!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I'm so relieved the banana has gone. I'm sure Clint feels similarly. I thought I heard a loud sigh of relief during last night. It must have been Clint.

    Clint knows my lips are sealed and I will not divulge where he has hidden the banana.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perhaps Clint arranged the car theft via his bluetooth facility.

      Delete
  9. Don't check the balance of your winnings too closely. I promised Clint I would say nothing about the possible carnapping so I'm sure the thieves got it before any other plans could take place. Now I hope you reassure Clint he is the only car for you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a naughty little Hyundai Bonnie!

      Delete
  10. With all that money, you could easily employ an army of security people to watch over all your cars at night.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hadn't thought of that. I am not used to the ways of big money.

      Delete
  11. Lovely end to a fairy tale ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ...and they all lived happily ever after.

      Delete
  12. I thought he was called Donald? who ever carnapped him did you a favour

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would never call a car Donald Kylie. The name Fabio was suggested by my old blogging chum Bob in Canton, Georgia.

      Delete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.