In the latest jaw-dropping edict to emerge from The White House, President Trump has instructed that henceforth the language name "English" will be replaced by "Trumpish".
Trump said, "We need a great language that is businesslike and speaks clearly to people... like the word 'sidewalk' for example. It's what you walk upon by the side of the road. Hence - sidewalk". Trump went on to outlaw the words "pavement" and "footpath" calling such terms "British bullshit".
Often using "sidewalk" as a guiding principle, the revered president has begun his Trumpish war on English by outlawing several commonly used words. From January 1st 2019, these changes will be required by law.
tax evasion initiative
librarian book stamper
His Regal Majesty Emperor Trump is seeking further additions to his new Trumpish lexicon and welcomes suggestions. Make Language Great Again!
This is the funniest thing I have read all day. I LOVE the Trump-speak for "window". In fact, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he calls it.ReplyDelete
I have one: The Trumpish word for "critic" is "jealous of my beautiful hair." (Yeah, it's more than one word, but Trumpers can't count.)
I wish I had a golden mane like the 45th President. Small children would whisper, "Here comes The Lion Man!" as opposed to The Elephant Man.Delete
Pretty brilliant, Mr. P.ReplyDelete
And pretty spot-on.
I hope that Mr Reed reads it!Delete
I believe this is what Sarah Huckabee Sanders calls "Fake News". I am just bright enough to know that it is satire. Others may not have my superior intellect and will believe your lies.ReplyDelete
I dare not speculate too long on why small children would refer to you as The Elephant Man.
You are like one of those cunning American TV detectives - able to sniff falsehood from several blocks away. I see you as Canton's answer to Lieutenant Frank Columbo... and yes Frank was Columbo's first name!Delete
Lucidity - covfefe is my favorite but tax evasion - initiative is a close second!ReplyDelete
May I also suggest:
menopause - ex wife
scandal - thunderstormi
immigrants - shitholians
Well-considered suggestions revealing a spookily accurate understanding of the way The Orange Emperor's mind works.Delete
Oh, Lord. I just don't even know where to begin. You have outdone yourself, YP, almost enough for me to want to stop using the word sidewalk. (Almost.)ReplyDelete
Please don't allow Trump to define America or American. God forbid.
Americans DO say pavement, I feel compelled to add, but in America it just means the hard surface of a road or anything paved. And what's with the British saying "whilst"? Is this 1830?
Only "almost"? Drat! I was already aware that Americans reserve the term "pavement" for road surfaces and whilst on my various visits to the USA I have sought to employ local parlance - including "sidewalk" and "faucet" but on this side of the Atlantic I use the correct terminology.Delete
Actually, my family used the word pavement when I was a kid in the suburbs of Philadelphia...and we also used the word "cupboard", and when I used the word in school no-one had any idea what I meant. I should add that my great grandparents were still living when I was six and one of them came from Edinburgh.Delete
When I worked in London I learned not to use the word "call" when I meant "telephone", or else some poor Brit would be horrified that I would actually come around and ring the doorbell later.
Actually, I really have started to use some British terms. My family makes fun of me when I go back to the states for saying things like "posh" and "rubbish." They're always mystified that I haven't developed an accent, but while vocabulary changes, I think speech patterns stay pretty constant. Once you learn to speak as a small child, that's rooted in your brain pretty deeply. At the school where I work, the kids who began life in British schools still retain their British accents, even now that they're surrounded by Yanks (or people with Yank accents). It's really very interesting.Delete
I wish you could outlaw his mangled ideas! Try that one! Funny! You had a good time.ReplyDelete
You talk like a Redmouth mister!Delete
Now you'll have to define Red mouth? I hope it's not bad!!!Delete
kindness = weaknessReplyDelete
diplomacy = ??? He hasn't even got a word for it, let alone know what it is or how to do it.
These are funny, and unfortunately more truth than satire.
kindness = weakness in Trumpish - I agree Jenny but it is eerily unfunny.Delete
It's a pity you don't have Hillary to pillory.ReplyDelete
Or Lee to flee!Delete
This post got me believing 'Wot next'! for a split second..you are probably second guessing his next move YPReplyDelete
If you believed all of the Trump hype you would insist that he can walk on water!Delete
This info is priceless. How can I find out more?ReplyDelete