2 June 2019

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PERSONAL ASSISTANT REQUIRED

Gentleman who is bored with conducting daily ablutions requires well-built Russian or Eastern European shot putter, discus or hammer thrower (female) to assist with morning routines. She will be expected to carry this eighteen stone gentleman up the stairs each morning in order to bathe or shower him as he reads a book. Shaving and teeth brushing will also be necessary followed by drying and powdering of crevices and knobbly bits. Duties will be concluded by dressing the client in a suitable manner for the day ahead and by tying his shoelaces. Women named Svetlana or Olga preferred. KGB references required. Wages negotiable. No time wasters.
Write to Box Number 2019/666
Tamara Press

19 comments:

  1. An interesting post, YP.
    I may get tired of performing my own ablutions but I wouldn't want anyone else doing it, either.

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    1. You can advertise for one of those buff Australian lifeguards.

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  2. I've always enjoyed my ablutions, and there is something utterly pleasurable about having a shower and putting fresh clothes on after one has been out for a run, hike or walk.
    No Svetlanas or Olgas are going to take that away from me as long as I am capable to do it all myself!
    PS: What about your well-established connection with Mumbai Escorts? Couldn't they provide you with someone who's up for the job?

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    Replies
    1. PS: 18 stone?! That sounds like a lot, but you walk so much, so I guess it is all pure muscle! (I am currently somewhere around 8.8.)

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    2. I have no idea what 18 stone is! Or 8.8, for that matter, but it sure sound better than weight in pounds! :D

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    3. It is indeed all pure muscle Meike with just a bit of blubber for wintertime warmth. Good idea about Mumbai Escorts who in fact sponsor this blog.

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  3. Triggered no doubt by John Gray's blog entry of yesterday? :D

    My father longed to look after his own personal care for eight years after his paralyzing stroke. Having someone else do it was an indignity he had to suffer instead.

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    Replies
    1. I get fed up of the ablution routines - day after bloody day.

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  4. I'll do it for 25£ an hour ( lunch included)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You will have to shave your beard off and talk in a Russian accent.

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  5. he needs a muscular woman ? some Svetlana could be a man ....who knows ?

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    Replies
    1. I - opps - I mean he - needs a woman's touch.

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  6. Leave him upstairs, I say...then he won't have to be carried up and down!!

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    Replies
    1. Could you change your name to Svetlana please?

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  7. I know of someone called May who's looking for a job. Would you like me to give her your address?

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    Replies
    1. I think I know the woman you mean. She is hardly built like a Russian shotputter though I have heard that her husband does sometimes call her Svetlana in moments of high passion.

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  8. Bored? BORED? Harrumph. When my kids would say they were bored, I'd give 'em some good chores to keep them busy. You obviously need to come and help us take loads of junk to our new place, mask & paint the current place...There are plenty of carpentry chores to do and I'm going to need a fenced pasture at the new place for the goats. What time can you be here?

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  9. Hi YP, just to let you know that I am going to resume blogging but making this for other authors only, this should stop spam and any other unwanted readers. sorry for messing about.
    Briony
    x

    ReplyDelete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.

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