PERSONAL ASSISTANT REQUIRED
Gentleman who is bored with conducting daily ablutions requires well-built Russian or Eastern European shot putter, discus or hammer thrower (female) to assist with morning routines. She will be expected to carry this eighteen stone gentleman up the stairs each morning in order to bathe or shower him as he reads a book. Shaving and teeth brushing will also be necessary followed by drying and powdering of crevices and knobbly bits. Duties will be concluded by dressing the client in a suitable manner for the day ahead and by tying his shoelaces. Women named Svetlana or Olga preferred. KGB references required. Wages negotiable. No time wasters.
Write to Box Number 2019/666