In the so-called western world, keys are ubiquitous. We carry house keys, car keys, workplace keys, keys for padlocks, bicycles, jewellery boxes, safes. You just can't get away from keys.
When I was a teacher, I carried several keys about my person - all in a bunch. They were vital for security. I was pretty good about looking after my keys and very rarely mislaid them but on the few occasions that did happen my brain went into a kind of meltdown. All I could think about was my missing keys. Where are my keys? Where did I put them? Where have I been?
No matter what anybody said to me, all that I could think about was my keys. Of course, I always found them again and when that happened my relief was like the end of an eclipse. Such joy! There was a future after all.
A few years ago, I went walking on Crowden Moor up to Black Hill. The circle was several miles long. When I got back to where I had parked Clint's predecessor - Francisco - I realised that my car key was missing. Suddenly plunged into severe mental depression I had to nip into Crowden youth hostel to ask if I could use their telephone.
My devoted wife had just got back home after a hard day's nursing. She agreed to drive out to Crowden with my spare car key - some sixteen miles or so. That evening, a cleaner called Wendy who was responsible for the public toilets at Crowden phoned up to say she had my key. Fortunately, my key ring had our phone number on it. Sweet relief.
In these modern times, replacing a lost electronic car key is always eye-wateringly expensive. I blogged about the Crowden key incident here . It was back in 2012.
Yesterday evening, I experienced a similar mental trauma related to the apparent loss of a car key. Shirley and I hunted high and low for it to no avail. At midnight, with torch (American: flashlight) in hand I was about to retrace my footsteps from a lunchtime walk down to the "Neptune" fish and chip shop when I noticed my black leather jacket was on a different peg.
Yes! Suddenly, I remembered that I had worn that jacket earlier in the day when I went to pick up the heavily pregnant daughter. It was the first time I had worn it since the early spring. And sure enough - there nestled in the righthand pocket was The Holy Grail - my car keys. Hallelujah! Normal life was about to resume.
I ran upstairs to shake Shirley awake with the good news before dashing outside to let Clint know that all was well.
"I'm going to tell you this just the once buddy," growled Clint. "Never and I mean never lose my key again! Now stop stroking my bonnet (American: hood) and get to bed! I will see you in the morning you great pudding!"
Have you got a lost key story?
You lost a key at your daughter's wedding, a vital key, and got very angry with the cottage owner and he should nevwr have gone out for the day and nearly spoiling the day. You forgot that one?ReplyDelete
No. I did not forget that incident. It is imprinted in my mind forever. However, you are mistaken when you say that I got very angry with the cottage owner for going out for the day. That is definitely not how I described the incident. Have a nice day!Delete
Oh yes you did.Delete
Oh no I didn't! Is this pantomime season? If you re-readDelete
you will see that you are very much mistaken.
I was once asked by a lady to to knock the lock off her front door with a lump hammer because she had forgot their key. Sure enough I hammered away and heard shouting from inside the house: "wait a bloody minute." A man wearing a vest and pyjamas appeared and his wife said: "I forgot my key".ReplyDelete
The Yorkshire Ripper had a lump hammer too.Delete
He attacked ladies in Lancashire too. I use to keep a lump hammer under the bed in case I had to break glass in the event of a fire. Now we live in a bungalow we can open the window and climb out.Delete
If you all slept in the polytunnel you would not have to think about escaping from a house fire.Delete
I think it's what they call a Senior moment YP. Forgetfulness is allowed. lolReplyDelete
I think that everybody has moments of forgetfulness. It is part of being human.Delete
Like you, I very rarely misplace anything, let alone something as important as my house keys, phone or wallet. But when I do, I get quite mad at myself for having been so disorganised and forgetful.ReplyDelete
I once locked myself out of my parents' flat when I was there on my own, looking after their house plants and their mail while they were away. It upset me greatly but my parents' friend who lives in the ground floor flat in the same house had a spare key, and so I waited until she came home from work and let me in where the keys were innocently still on the table where I had put them.
Like Rachel, I remember that key incidend from your post about your daughter's wedding.
As I said to Briony, everyone makes little mistakes like this. We are all human and there must be very few people on this planet who can rightly claim that they have never lost their keys.Delete
I used to clean a priest’s house many moons ago, and possessed a very large gothic looking key which I used to gain entry into his rambling house. I hung on a hook my the back door where it still sits !ReplyDelete
This is a found key storyDelete
Is the priest still locked in the house then Soupspoone?Delete
Many, many years ago when I was a young nurse, we carried narcotic keys with us. Today drugs are locked up in a machine called a Pixis here and nurses have to enter their code to gain access. Back then we carried keys and had to count the narcotics at the end of the shift and then pass the keys onto the next shift. Except one day I got home and found the keys still in my pocket so I turned around and drove back to work to give back the keys. Every since that day I have made it a practice to always empty my pockets before I leave work, event though we no longer carry narcotic keys with us.ReplyDelete
My ex husband was always losing his keys. Drove me crazy, well crazier:) I keep my keys in my purse so I usually know where they are. Have you tried a man purse? Just a thought.
A man purse? What the hell is that? I do not like the sound of one of those. I hope I do not receive one as a Christmas gift!Delete
I think that humans took a step backward when we started making keys smaller than our forearms. I do love my Prius key because all you have to do is have it on your person (or in my case, in my purse) for it to work. I never have to take it out of my bag.ReplyDelete
My husband has probably hundreds of keys and is always going through them looking for the one he wants. We discussed this the other day and I said, "Why don't you get rid of some of those keys? They can't possibly belong to anything you need any more." He said, "I can't! I don't know what they all go to!"
Poor Glen! Keys must be the bane of his life. I hope that there are still communities where doors are left unlocked and nobody needs keys.Delete
We lost our car keys once travelling back to the UK. Looked everywhere for them. Fortunately airport security managed to find them for us while searching our bags. They couldn't understand why we were so thrilled!ReplyDelete
The relief one experiences in such moments is indeed thrilling.Delete
You need to be chipped and get locks that open automatically, you know, like dog doors. I know a vet where they will insert a chip into your neck for a very reasonable price.ReplyDelete
As The Elephant Man said rather haltingly, "I...am...a...human...being!"Delete
For years I lived in a marina in London where we had electronic card- and later fob- keys for the gate (and no lock on the boat!). As a result of being a chronic key misplacer I wore my gate fob around my neck (interesting jewelry not). Trouble with those electronic cards and fobs is they would occasionally lose their 'program'..... I know exactly the feeling of a misplaced/lost key (or bank card).ReplyDelete
In such moments who would care a fig about COVID or Brexit? The keys are all-important.Delete
I'm confused about the angry comments I see here. I'm not sure why someone with so much (seeming) contempt for you is even wasting time reading your blog much less commenting.ReplyDelete
I, too, remember the key incident at your daughter's wedding but I don't remember you blaming anyone but yourself for losing it. Thank goodness everything worked out though!
I am confused too Jennifer.Delete
He didn't blame anybody else for losing it, I never said he did. Right on cue, although a trifle late Jennifer.Delete
"Right on cue"...what's that supposed to mean? And why do you feel the need to be so negative and sarcastic? Nevertheless, I wish you a good day and a happy holiday.Delete
Here, have an hors d'oeuvre Ms Soupspoone. And to drink?... Okay, a small dry sherry coming up.Delete
Okay. I am going to comply with your request and remove the deliberately ironic Christmas wishes. After I have done that may I humbly request that you keep away from this blog? Thank you.Delete
EARLIER COMMENT by Soupspoone: "I feel I’ve just walked into a cocktail party after the host has been caught goosing a guest."Delete
My neighbour keeps a spare key for me which solves the problem of lost keys. But I always worry when they go off to Whitby, so I still panic! But Tasker's idea of a chip in the neck is not bad.ReplyDelete
Better than a chip off the old block.Delete
I try to always put my key in the same place. Always. Because if I don't, I won't be able to find it. Like you, meltdown ensues...although I think I might be meltdown more quietly than you do. What I invariably discover is that if I stop, and just begin to do some mindless household chore, it pops into my mind what I have done with them. I don't know why.ReplyDelete
Sometimes our brains just require ignition and they keep working on things in the background of consciousness.Delete
Wow, it looks like everything went off the rails here.ReplyDelete
The man purse/murse is in the mail:)
That's kind of you Lily. I am sending you a bunch of plastic flowers. So stylish.Delete
Fortunately, I can't remember ever losing my keys. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, just that I no longer remember it!ReplyDelete
That is simply because you are a well-organised and efficient human being Steve.Delete
I seem to recall you had a key incident before your daughter's wedding too which almost resulted in you turning g up to the wedding in the wrong clothes.ReplyDelete
You got it ADDY. That did happen. But what about you?Delete
Okay, at the risk of you laughing at me.....the only lost keys incident I remember was one time when I was a teenager my best friend and I went way, way out to the country and parked by a river with two boys. We drank some beer and probably made out with the guys, and then when we went to leave the boy driving made a big show of having "lost" his keys. My friend and I were frantic, knowing that we needed to get our butts home! But after about 15 minutes of panic the guy revealed that the keys were in his pocket the whole time......jerk!ReplyDelete
Was he just joking around or had he really lost them Jennifer?Delete
He was joking around.Delete
Who hasn't lost keys? You describe the issue to a Tee. A few weeks ago I got home from a walk and I had no keys in my pocket. I hurriedly retraced my steps but didn't find any keys. My wife said I don't think there are any lost keys. the keys are in the box. Somehow I thought I had another key. Not so. I'm losin it!ReplyDelete
Good job you have The Micro Manager there as your personal carer.Delete
I have just once a long time ago. They were in a leather case and for over a year I would check at the local police station but they were never handed in.ReplyDelete
Clearly you leant your lesson and clearly I did not.Delete