Football

The World Cup is well underway now. I just watched Brazil beating Croatia 1-0. At times Brazil looked vulnerable but you couldn't help feeling that they were just operating in second gear, simply warming up for the rest of the tournament.

One thing that puzzles me is why the players emerge from the tunnel holding hands with little kids. This never used to happen but it has become an unquestioned ritual. Some of the players never even talk to the children they drag along beside them. I think it is meant to have something to do with "fair play" but why holding hands with a child should symbolise this is a complete mystery to me. I mean when police officers walk down the street they haven't got little boys and girls in tow. Judges in courts of law don't hold hands with children as they pass their wise judgements so why World Cup football?

Personally, I think they should pile all these little kids in a truck and drive them deep into the Black Forest. If they have read "Hansel and Gretel" they will surely find their way out of there, unless of course they meet a witch with a rather cool house constructed from confectionery products.

Mmmm! Imagine that! Waking up in the morning and chewing on the liquorice walls or the milk chocolate door frames!

England looked, well, rather ordinary against Paraguay on Saturday but we beat them 1-0. I think we are crying out for St. Wayne - Mr Rooney - to inject a bit of passion into the team. I just hope The Turnip (Sven) holds him back till the Sweden game - perhaps bringing him on as a second half substitute.

In the rear windscreen of my car, I have a homemade sticker that reads "Come on Togo!" next to an image of the bright Togoland flag. It's meant to act as a counterbalance to all the English flags gaily festooning vehicles owned or driven by these intellectually challenged serfs that I have to live amongst. Unfortunately, Togo were beaten by South Korea this afternoon but I expect them to thrash France who looked like they were on valium or maybe Thierry Henry's mother had died before their match with Switzerland.

England's match with Trinidad on Thursday will not be a walk over but if we win it we are through into the knock out phase, so COME ON ENGLAND!

On a sad personal note, Hull City have today said goodbye to their manager - Peter Taylor who has decided to join Crystal Palace in London - the crazy fool! But this now leaves an opening for me as The Tigers' new manager. I'm just waiting for the call....