Why do only 10% of women go to heaven? Because if all of them went it would be hell.
How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer? None. It should be open by the time the little lady brings it.
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something really clever? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me.."
How do you repair a woman's watch? You don't need to. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.It's called a Wedding Cake.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Now here's the promised jokes about men...
One day God called Adam to him and said: "Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?""The good news," replied Adam."Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain.""OK.." said Adam warily. "And what's the bad news?""I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time."
What do men and tights have in common? They're both apt to cling, run, and never fit properly between your legs.
Why is psychoanalysis so much quicker for men than for women? Men don't need to be regressed back to their childhood.
What do you call a man with only half a brain? Gifted.
Why does it take three million sperm to fertilize one single egg? Because they're too stupid to ask for directions.
Why is it so difficult for women to pick up men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They're all gay
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
Although I have pasted in the above for mild amusement, I have to say that this man-woman divide is all utter bullshit in my view. We're people trying to get by, trying to be happy, trying to make it to next year. Some people talk about the other sex in a manner which is reminiscent of racist ignorance - "Men! They can't multitask!" - "Women! They're always changing their minds!". It's all bullshit and everybody is different. No two men are the same and no two women are the same. As I write this I'm on the phone, drinking coffee and stroking the cat and I'm not thinking about that one thing that men allegedly always have on their minds... well I wasn't until I wrote that!