I keep coming across this idea of things we ought to do before we die. In newspapers, I sometimes see stories about kids with terminal conditions being flown to Florida to either visit Disneyworld or to swim with dolphins. Swim with dolphins? I'd rather eat them with a rocket salad and sauted potatoes. Here's a typical "Ten things to do before I die" list, followed by my own alternative list:-
1. Stand on at least one mountaintop, even if you have to take the lift to get there.
2. Swim in at least one river, one lake, and one ocean.
3. Plant, grow, and use your own herb or vegetable garden.
4. Go camping in the real wilderness, away from other people and plumbing.
5. Travel somewhere far away by plane, train, and automobile. And boat. And bicycle.
6. Visit a country where you don't speak the language. Then eat something you've never heard of.
7. Eat a country dinner somewhere in Tuscany, preferrably prepared by an Italian grandma.
8. Drink fresh sangria on the riverside in Seville, preferably under the orange trees in bloom.
9. Walk along the beach, watching the sunset. And when the sun has set, enjoy how different the beach is at night as you walk home.
10. Learn how to say hello, thank you, and you're welcome in as many languages as you can. Then talk to foreigners when you see them!
1. Clear out my drawers of socks and underpants I never wear.
2. Get rid of that damned "Virus Alert!" pop up box that keeps spoiling our visits to this computer.
3. Make a rear window car sticker that reads "Cheese on Board" (Not "Baby On Board"!)
4. Get the car professionally valeted.
5. Buy a pogo stick for adults to bounce on - mainly me.
6. Write "I Still Love Janice" in big white letters on the motorway bridge that connects the M18 with the M1.
7. Learn to do one of those high pitched whistles that involve thumb, finger and pushed back tongue.
8. Make a tray of homemade sausage rolls.
9. Learn to fasten shoelaces properly instead of making cumbersome rabbits' ears and crossing them over.
10 Get even with Brad the Gorilla and Reidski through devious plots that crush inflated self-esteem.