10 June 2009

Execution

Sitting in my spider infested cell, waiting for the hours of darkness to pass and then as the pale sun breaks I will take the long walk to meet my maker. That's how it feels. In thirty two years of teaching, I have never had a single day off for health reasons...that is until tomorrow when I begin a ten day spell of absence following a hospital operation.

I have been waiting for it since January. It all harks back to the e-coli infection I had last summer. Investigations at the time and after Christmas showed that my urinary functions are not A1. My bladder never empties completely. I have to have surgical intervention. The operation is, I understand, called a urethrotomy. What a horrible word! And what a horrible idea. General anaesthetic and strangers fiddling around in your nether regions when you are dead to the world.

After England trounced Andorra 6-0 this evening, I was straight down the pub. I could have happily consumed a firkin of ale to blot out the idea of this forthcoming surgery. I hate hospitals and white-coated people with stethoscopes. To add insult to my psychological injury, they are putting me in a private hospital because my government waiting time window is about to end. I have always been a fervent supporter of the UK's National Health Service and I hate the idea of lying in a bed meant for the self-congratulating rich. The thing is that if I had waited for the NHS Hospital, the operation might have been delayed till August. The prospect of reaching a point where you simply cannot urinate does not bear thinking about.

Of course, it could all go wrong and this could be my last post. Can you hear the bugle? Undoubtedly, there is no God but God-willing I will blog again at the weekend. Pray for me fellow bloggers. Pray for me. I can already hear my warders' footsteps in the corridor.

12 comments:

  1. Keep those legs crossed YP! I thought you were about to announce your early retirement! Just think of it all as grist to the blogging and anecdotal mill.

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  2. Hope all goes well, YP. You should be relieved that you are 'going private'. You should hear some of the stories from my clients about their NHS experiences! :)

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  3. What a drama queen you are YP! She'll be right, mate! You'll be up and about and piddling right as rain in no time!

    But, as Mopsa says, with the added bonus of a whole lot of fun stories and anecdotes for your blog and for US!

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  4. good luck, i am sure you wont need that and will be back in action in no time at all.

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  5. Good grief, man, 32 years without a single day off! Oh, for health reasons, you said. So I suppose that's a good thing, then. Congratulations! I think.

    I will certainly be thinking good thoughts and sending them your way (we religious types call that prayer, but never mind) until you are back in your blogging harness or trapeze or whatever it is again. Do not worry. We have your back. And the doctors your nether regions. So all looks peachy for a speedy recovery.

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  6. Indeed, blow the principles and get yourself up to the Westfield or whatever it is called these days.

    Too many people 'don't wake up' at NHS hospitals these days.

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  7. All the best with this op YP. Look forward to reaidng the gory details upon your return to us all.

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  8. All the best from me an'all. You'll soon be up and about and peeing for England!

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  9. Just rejoice in the fact that YOU've got the bed for once instead of the self-congratulating rich! And I wish you all the very best for a speedy recovery.

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  10. Can't believe people are using this as an excuse to slag off the NHS. Anyway, forget all that crap and all the best. And I know you're taking the piss with that last paragraph - and excuse the pun!

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  11. No offence, but the NHS, like the rest of the public services in this country have been run down completely.

    Most people who work in them would be happy to concede.

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  12. MOPSA Women think childbirth is painful. Ha! Nothing compared to what I have just been through.
    JENNYTA Up the NHS! You have "clients"? Mmm... I have heard about women like you!
    KATHERINE Drama queen? Grrrrr! To be or not to be that is the question!
    CRAIG Thank you for your masculine good wishes.
    RHYMES WITH LUCK. Thanks to you too for your measured and rather "peachy" good wishes. "Peachy"? Isn't that Georgia's state fruit?
    BANGKOK BOOBS. NHS Provision is massive and widescale. It is something we should be immensely proud of. Private healthcare is like a parasite on the back of the NHS's historical progress and it serves such a relatively small number of our people.
    JJ Gory details? You are very close to the mark Mrs Cobblers!
    STEVE Another piece of masculine solidarity. Thank you.
    DAPHNE Thanks for your good wishes and thanks for not "having a go" at men in general.
    REIDSKI We are together re. the NHS and you're right - I was layering it on thick in the last paragraph.
    BANG-BOOTHY I for one would NOT concede nor would my wife and her immediate colleagues working within the NHS and doing a damned good job. Expectations will sometimes outstrip what is possible.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.