12 November 2011

Blogland

On Lampi Island (Blogland)

Bloggers who feel disenchanted with the state of the world today will be happy to learn that a large, sunny and fertile island has now been purchased by our board, funded by generous benefactors. It is in the Andaman Sea, in the Mergui Archipelago to be precise, off the far south of mainland Burma (Myanmar). A few native Moken fishermen and their families who live there have accepted healthy relocation packages and will soon be moved to the mainland. Shortly thereafter, contractors will move in to prepare the island for what is expected to be a large influx of bloggers determined to build an alternative society. The island was previously known as Lampi but as from today it has been rechristened Blogland.

As a member of the organising committee, my place on the island is already secure but other bloggers will need to apply if they are to be granted residency. Obviously, places are limited and once the new society is established, immigration will be tightly controlled.

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity to be part of something new and beautiful - Blogland - where dreams will undoubtedly come true. To be considered for residency please apply via my "Comments" box, stating your name, status, current place of residence, special skills and why you think you would be a good addition to the Blogland community.
Moken woman - soon to be relocated.

18 comments:

  1. Will I be able to find it with my satnav, though? I think Keith and I would definitely like to apply. We're always talking wistfully about living on a desert island. He would be extremely useful repairing and replacing car keys, transponders etc for the community vehicles and keeping all the computers in good working order.
    I however, could only consider relocating there if I can be assured that there will be no spiders.
    (What's that you say? No broadband? Forget it!)

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  2. JENNY A plot has already been reserved for you on a rocky bluff overlooking a crystal clear bay on the west side of the island. Henceforth the bay will be called Keith Bay. There most certainly will be broadband (wifi) access all over the island. Hardly any motor vehicles will be allowed in Blogland. Residents will mainly travel by foot, on bicycles, donkeys or in electric golf buggies. Keith will be responsible for the maintenance of the buggies. Would you like two bedrooms in your designer chalet or just the one and do you need a sunken bath with an ocean view or a luxury wet room with rainforest shower?

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  3. I room will do, thanks, YP. We're not greedy, and I think we'll go for the sunken bath with ocean view.
    When are we going?

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  4. JENNY The departure date is not yet fixed. Other committee members might rap my knuckles but please don't arrange anything else during the month of March (2012). Your chalet design request has already been forwarded to the construction company.

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  5. Oh, please, can I join with you and yours on Blogland, Mr. Pudding. I am good at a lot of things, but a master of none. I can cook, plan parties, garden, make music, take pictures, etc., etc. However, would it be possible to inhabit Blogland for only part of the year? I just could not, positively could not give up my mountain for full time at the sea. And please tell me. Will residents of Blogland be required to wear clothing or may we run into the sea quite naked?

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  6. MOUNTAIN THYME Your application has been forwarded to the relevant office. Your request to spend half the year in your current mountain retreat is somewhat out of the ordinary and not necessarily in keeping with the philosophy of Blogland. However, your request to run around on the beach in your birthday suit, means they will probably let you in. Beware the rocks near Keith Bay where some rather nippy crabs reside!

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  7. What's the elevation of this place? Is this one of the islands that will be totally underwater (except for Jennyta's rocky bluff) when the polar ice caps have melted? If you move there, do you have to be naked? I believe my nakedness would get me voted off the island. Just checking.

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  8. JAN Although Blogland has lovely low-lying beaches, the central plateau is well above sea level and I can assure you that inundation is not on our agenda. Though some bloggers, like Mountain Thyme from Colorado, will want to flaunt their naked flesh to all and sundry, those of us of a more shy or conservative disposition will not be obliged to strip off. I have ear-marked a special plot for you and have already told the construction team to include an extra bedroom in case Bob comes to visit. Your plot overlooks a crescent shaped white sand beach that from now on will be known as Blawat Beach.

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  9. Blogland! It's just as I always imagined it! Except for the naked ladies, of course. I never imagine naked ladies.

    It seems that if I am accepted for entry, I still won't have to imagine them.

    My suitcase is packed and I have a thong in my heart.

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  10. Will there be obligatory committee's and meetings and chores and rota's and spot checks or will it be slightly more 'welcome...relax...join in or not it's up to you'?.

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  11. RHYMES WITH PLAGUE As one of the more senior residents, you will be honoured and respected - even when wearing your leopard skin thong while parading along the beach with a fresh, young drinking coconut. I have asked the construction team to erect your chalet by a dancing mountain stream that tumbles to the sea. Henceforth it will be known as Brague Spring. You will be able to grow a few vegetables and keep a few chickens - maybe a goat. The naked lady with the pipe is called Ratchathani or Rathcha for short. She has asked if she can be your housegirl, catering for your every need. Will Madam RWP mind?
    LIBBY No one will be forced to join organising committees or attend meetings. You can simply do your own thing. I have asked for your chalet to be built quite close to mine so that I can look out for you and assist you with daily chores.

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  12. Will there be mobile phone cover?
    No?
    Good.
    I'll apply in that case, especially as Berlusconi won't let me have a seat on the rocket he's taking to colonize (screw up) Mars.

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  13. BRIAN If you'll excuse the pun, life in Blogland will proceed at a snail's pace! I look forward to enjoying a few Martinis with you as the sun goes down. Regarding mobile phones, though I personally would like to see them banned, as a genuine democracy such a decision will be down to the whole community. You will be able to stand up in the meeting house and make your views known.

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  14. Well I'm in, but I don't think we should relocate the natives. There is something very trustworthy about a pipe-smoker I find.

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  15. SHOOTING PARROTS You will literally be able to shoot parrots in the hinterland of our new nation. Fortunately Ratcha has a younger sister called Jiajia who will help you to collect the fallen parrots and then barbecue them back at your native-style villa in the shadow of an extinct volcano which hitherto shall be called Rhodes Mountain.

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  16. Poor Ratchathani's balloons seem to have become deflated. Does no one in Blogland have old-fashioned bellows that one may borrow at a moment's notice?

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  17. RHYMES WITH... If you had suckled seven babies, your "balloons" might also be deflated! Besides some militant feminists visit this blog so you need to be careful what you say old chap!

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  18. I still have my books packed in boxes from the last move from New Zealand to Japan. I'll just readdress them, shall I?

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.