24 November 2011

Servants

Thuza - allocated to Jan (Cosumne Gal)

In Blogland, our agents are beginning to recruit servants in preparation for the first influx of bloggers next year. Mostly they are Mergui islanders. Obviously, there will be several general servants who will be engaged in basic maintenance tasks such as clearing the bush, meeting boats at the new jetty in Keith Bay, shinning up coconut palms to gather fresh nuts and running the national laundry.

However, in addition to the general servants, residents will be entitled to their own personal servant allocation. Mostly these servants will reside beneath the cabins and chalets that are currently under construction. Personally, I shall not require my own servant as I plan to be self-sufficient but I guess some bloggers will require support. Here's a list of typical tasks that servants may perform:
  • Cooking
  • Cleaning
  • Fishing
  • Massage
  • Bed Making
  • Fanning
  • Driving golf buggy
  • Re-thatching roofs
  • Washing Up
  • Cutting toenails
  • Bowling cricket balls
  • Application of sun protection cream and after-sun cream
  • Emptying commodes
  • Annihilation of spiders, rodents and stinging insects
  • Campfire song and dance
Residents in waiting need to state their servant requirements - age, male or female, and number. Note that no resident will be allowed more than three servants and all servants must be treated with the utmost kindness, respect and good humour. They may be servants but they are still our equals.
Nanda - allocated to Ian - Shooting Parrots

11 comments:

  1. Is is possible that the young man who is tasked with applying sun cream and after sun moisturiser could also (when not terribly busy, you understand) get rid of the occasional spider or other creepy-crawly things? Also, I would not mind sharing said handsome, testosterone laden young man with other women such as myself. Occasionally, you understand, when I am otherwise engaged.

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  2. I just finished the most wonderful Thanksgiving dinner cooked and served by Bob and two of his friends. I have been getting lots of experience having other people do my work and take care of me. I can assure you that Thuza will be appreciated most graciously. I do need to know, however, if he can keep my computer and internet system going. I'm accustomed to having my own personal Apple tech person to assist me and will need to make arrangements for him to fly in occasionally if Thuza isn't tech savvy.

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  3. Now I don't know what to do......I can't imagine having a servant, but the thought of not having to do any of the tedious stuff does sound good, and a massage on the beach under the palm trees does sound very very inviting......

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  4. My servant will have to be allocated solely to annihilating the spiders etc but I would also like someone to do the cooking and washing up. Keith will be in charge of my massages. :)

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  5. I will require someone to shout at the television for me whenever a politician says something more than usually inane. Like 'we're all in this together' or 'the big society'. That will help keep my blood pressure down.

    Also one to one to blow ice cool air across the beach. I hate walking barefoot on hot sand.

    Finally, a servant who is adept at English cuisine -- a full breakfast, toad in the hole, black pudding, kippers, that sort of thing. That foreign food plays havoc with my digestion.

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  6. Toad in the hole and black pudding are definitely foreign foods to me. Shooting Parrots may have my share if he'll give me his allotment of hamburgers and French fries.

    I should like my personal servant to look more like Nanda and less like Thuza, who has obviously spent far too much time shinning up coconut palms looking for fresh nuts when he should have been applying moisturizer to his own skin. I would not mind a male personal servant, actually, but he would still have to look more like Nanda than Thuza.

    I am such a superficial person.

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  7. It's going to be harder to find suitable servants for the men because they've had women waiting on them since they were born. We women appreciate any help we can get.

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  8. The human body is the gift of god. But we need to take care of it for best use of it in this society. We have to take care of our skin specially. We know that according to age everything will change and our skin too...Yonka

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