20 December 2013

Clegged

Reindeer with Bells On by Grace Savage (Aged 7) - unwittingly
sucked in to Clegg's political propaganda machine
I have been harbouring a secret - something I am deeply ashamed about and it's hard to form the words to say it. But here goes - gulp! My local member of parliament is Nicholas William Peter Clegg, the national leader of the Liberal Democrats and the current deputy prime minister - in coalition with the Conservatives led by David William Donald Cameron. There I have said it! But please don't blame me personally - N.W.P.Clegg or "Nick" as he likes to be known has never won my vote.

Every so often "Nick" sends out mailings to his constituents - trying to keep us sweet and to bang the drum for all the wonderful things the LibDems have allegedly done - both for Sheffield and for the country at large. These missives are immediately re-directed to our paper recycling bin.

Just last week we received a Christmas card from "Nick". There was a reindeer's head on the front - painted by Grace Savage (aged 7).  Inside there was what appeared to be a handwritten note from the noble prophet himself on blue paper. For a moment, I imagined him writing twenty five thousand personal letters to the electors of Sheffield Hallam until I realised that it was all a hoax! The letter was merely a copy - a facsimile, a pretence. It wasn't what it first appeared to be and that was when I realised that I had been "clegged".

It is a verb I should like to see in The Oxford English Dictionary. "Nick" should be even more proud of himself than usual for not everybody finds their name entering the English language for posterity:-

to clegg - To send someone unsolicited but seemingly personalised mail with the intention of enhancing the reputation of the sender or to accrue unmerited financial profit.
Why has Clegg addressed me as "friend" when
 I am his sworn enemy?
A graphologist would surely think that  N.W.P.C's
handwriting was feminine

This may lead the way for further additions to the English language. To cameron - to talk bollix whilst looking like Thomas the Tank Engine. To obama - to lead with eloquent grace and foresight. To gowans - an alternative term for "cold turkey" when depriving oneself of alcohol. Oh and if you are reading this Clegg - please don't send any more of your literature to  our house. We're sick of it...you dumb schmuck!

16 comments:

  1. On this side of the pond, to obama has an entirely different meaning. I won't bore you with the details.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I put "obama" in as bait - to draw the Canton dragon from its lair - an early Xmas gift for you Mr Firebreath!

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    2. I happen to agree with your definition, YP, I don't know of anyone else who could still be civil after all the stupid childish stuff this president has been subjected to. And lest we forget, there are 2 obamas. I am not speaking about them politically, political dialogue here is seldom spoken in words of more than 2 syllables.

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  2. Your blog continually educates me ~ I will be using it my classroom soon as a source of research I should think.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you can get the powers that be to fund my air ticket I shall be happy to come to your school as guest educator for a couple of weeks. For a small fee the pupils will even be allowed to have their photos taken with me.

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  3. Can't you stop your mailbox from being clegged up with all these "personal" messages by putting a sticker on it that says "No clegging"? In Germany, if people put a sticker "Keine Werbung" (no adverts), those companies who distribute unsolicited leaflets etc. are not allowed to leave them there.
    As for the wording of the message:
    1. "Dear friend" is overly optimistic. "Dear constituents" would be correct and honest.
    2. "...I would like to finish..." - well, then, why don't you?
    The use of "I would like to" when people ask a question etc. always makes me want to say "well, then, do it if you would like to".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your intelligent reflections. Rather than a "Keine Werburg" sticker, I think I shall tie a hungry rottweiler to the front door - that should fend off those who facilitate the "clegging" - probably Romanian children.

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  4. Since he took the time to write to you, I am surprised you haven't returned the compliment. I am sure your reply would make entertaining reading and brighten Clegg's day.

    Could you conjugate the verb 'gowans'? For example, I would like to say I am still going cold turkey.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's easy Hippo ~ you are still gowans cold turkey.

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    2. gowans
      gowas
      gowat
      gowamus
      gowatis
      gowant

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  5. More than just sending you a very senseless letter, you are paying for this nonsense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know -you are right Red! That thought hadn't crossed my mind and now there's steam coming out of my ears!

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  6. I wouldn't even spend the time or energy decrying it. Although I DID write back to my local not-voted-for-by-me MP once.

    Wishing you a very happy Christmas YP and Shirley and both the younger Puddings. You have a lovely sparkling and clean house in which to enjoy your winter, after all your hard work YP.

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    Replies
    1. And you remember the suntan lotion Kate! Have a happy Christmas with de Chevalle tribe.

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  7. OK. I give up. Gowans?

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    Replies
    1. GB - Tom Gowans is the blogging brains behind "A Hippo on the Lawn" from Angola..

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