3 December 2013

Pizza

On the main road near our house there's a "Domino's" pizza outlet. We often get leaflets from them - pushed through our letterbox. Mostly, I don't even give these mailings a cursory glance before sticking them in our paper recycling box. They alert pizza lovers to special deals. And as well as "Domino's" there are numerous other purveyors of takeway pizzas in our city - all jostling for the pizza pound. Posh people might even visit "Pizza Express" for expensive sit-down pizza meals.

In larger supermarkets, there are entire freezer sections devoted to pizzas of different varieties and in the chilled sections there are stacks of "fresh" pizzas for sale..But I have a confession to make - I don't like pizzas - in fact - and please keep quiet about this - I am almost anti-pizza.

Okay I could eat pizza without vomiting but I'd never go out of my way to buy pizza and I'd certainly never order one from "Domino's". To me pizza is just an unleavened dough base with some gunge smeared across it - including tasteless cheese and tomato pulp and maybe a spoonful of oregano scattered over the surface. Then they stick the rubbery dough discs in a hot oven to crisp the edges up a bit and half melt the cheese. Why would I waste a healthy appetite on stuff like that - even if some bits of sausage or pineapple might have been chucked on as well?

Given what pizza is, I am amazed at the normal takeaway prices. The mark up on pizzas must be enormous. I'd much rather have a cheese and tomato sandwich. Even a bowl of cornflakes has greater appeal. And I cannot understand why pizzas are so popular or why anyone would arrange a pizza delivery - obliging underpaid young men to risk their lives on the roads to bring a cardboard box to your door - a box that would probably be more nutritious and appetising than the slab of horrible stuff inside it.

A popular urban legend maintains that the archetypal pizza, Pizza Margherita, was invented in  Italy in 1889, when the Royal Palace of Capodimonte commissioned the Neapolitan pizza baker Raffaele Esposito to create a new pizza in honour of the visiting Queen Margherita. Of the three different pizzas he created, the Queen strongly preferred a pie swathed in the colours of the Italian flag: red (tomato), green (basil), and white (mozzarella).  Hence - Pizza Margherita. 

The Yorkshire Pudding pizza would surely be far more appealing than that. In this recipe, the pizza base is merely used as a heat retaining shield. When the plate reaches the table, the diner discards the inedible pizza base like a frisbee to reveal two or three slices of delicious beef top rump, roasted potatoes, carrots, peas , gravy and two golden Yorkshire puddings. Yes - that's my kind of pizza folks! You're welcome to the other sort.

16 comments:

  1. I am a closet pizza-disliker too... Shhh, don't tell the kids. They think I'm just being self-sacrificial when on their film-and-pizza nights I turn down their offers in favour of a nice slice of fried bread and marmalade (my favourite food).

    ReplyDelete
  2. PS, what's this?? Errol Flynn??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Katherine - I can be who I want to be! I live in a free world.... don't I?

      Delete
  3. "to me pizza is just an unleavened dough base with some gunge smeared across it"

    Aah! Gunge! I need gunge, Gunge is good for me.

    "to reveal two or three slices of delicious beef top rump, roasted potatoes, carrots, peas , gravy and two golden Yorkshire puddings"

    KILL! KILL! I WANT YP PIZZA! FEED ME NOW!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A YP pizza is being delivered to you even as I speak. It should arrive in the next forty eight hours if Albert the Pizza Man can get through Angolan customs. Didn't you advise them?

      Delete
    2. Just noticed your new profile picture (thanks for the YP Pizza, by the way, Customs said it was delicious but there wasn't enough to go round), whatever diet you were on, could you share it with me?

      Delete
  4. I'm not keen on pizza either but, rather than fried bread and marmalade, I really like fresh bread and butter with marmalade. As I'm always telling Keith, I don't have expensive tastes. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. When all of you come visit me in California, I'll take you to Fat Mike's pizza nearby. The difference between it and Domino's (no one over 12 years old eats Domino's) is like the difference between a New York steak and a bologna sandwich.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it true that Californians only eat pizza and hamburgers washed down with soda? And why is Mike Fat?

      Delete
    2. That's standard fare for everyone under 18, but not in Sloughhouse, where we raise such wonderful vegetables. Mike is actually not very fat and he does work in his own store, every single night. He has only one and puts all his love into running it. It's an exceptional place, I wouldn't take you there otherwise.

      Delete
    3. Okay you've convinced me Jan. Next time I'm in Soughhouse you can take me there!

      Delete
  6. I don't mind a bit of pizza now and then ... and I'm looking forward to trying the authentic variety when we visit Italy next year. I'm told they are very different to what passes for pizza here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you're off to Italy this time? Brilliant! I know you'll already be planning to make it as memorable as possible. It's a fascinating country. Perhaps you'll see The Leaning Tower of Pizza!

      Delete
  7. The mark-up on pizzas from those pizza places is astronomical. Years ago I operated a small pizza shop in Yorkeys Knob, a beach-side suburb of Cairns, in far north Queensland. The owner had three little eateries. I used to go a bit crazy on the toppings...more than what she, the owner, stipulated. I did a good trade, though! ;) These days if I feel like eating a pizza, I make my own.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Errr... Yorkeys Knob? Now that sounds like a very nice place to visit!

      Delete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.