31 August 2014

Regulation

How shall we reduce carbon emissions in the European Union? Shall we limit the travel plans of Members of the European Parliament and all the administrative minions who support them? Shall we require them to live in smaller houses that require less energy? Shall we instruct them to use public transport? Shall we outlaw the production and distribution of unwanted marketing material? Shall we examine and act upon the excesses of the free market whereby food stuffs are flown around the world and bottled water is transported hundreds of miles by trucks along already crowded roads? Will we ban the manufacture of Formula 1 racing cars? Shall we require EU officials to shut down computers when they are not using them? No my friends. None of the above. 

Instead we will prevent ordinary people from buying powerful vacuum cleaners that are designed to suck up dust more effectively than less powerful vacuum cleaners. Yes vacuum cleaners like the Hoover Smart Pets SM1901 Bagless Upright Vacuum Cleaner which has a power output of 1900 watts. Such profligate machines will be banned. Europeans will be restricted to buying electric cleaners with a maximum power of 1600 watts and in the future we will bring this down to 900 watts. Maybe in the future we will ban vacuum cleaners entirely, urging our citizens to use sweeping brushes instead. And shall we ask the people if they agree with this absurd and highly questionable ruling? No way José! No way!

17 comments:

  1. What ??? Ridiculous !!

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    1. When I first heard about this I thought it was a joke but it isn't.

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  2. It was Graham's blog where I first read about this (you read his blog, too, I think). If I were Queen of Germany, my first act in office would be to ban all leafblowers, no matter what wattage.

    Several months ago, I had the occasion to speak to one of the 14 vice presidents of the European Parliament (he is from my area). The parliament meetings are held in Strasbourg, Brussels and Luxembourg. Whenever a change of place is in order, literally TONS of documents have to be transported from A to B. They hav already managed to reduce the freight load by making many documents available online, but there's still a LOT to be ferried around. And I bet most of the boxes are never even opened when they arrive at their destination. Most members of parliament are most likely going to carry themselves what they think they will be needing for a certain session, or will use their laptops/ipads etc. to access documents.

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    1. Yes ban the leafblowers and the EU document lorries. Also as I never ever use a hairdryer - only a towel to dry my leonine locks - let's ban all hairdryers and curling tongs and sunbeds and all commercial properties must switch their lights off when closed. Oh, I have plenty of ideas to supplement the vacuum cleaner regulations.

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  3. Bravo! And while teenage "celebrities" use private jets to hunt for escaped pet monkeys, I shall ignore any similar rulings wherever possible.

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    1. Frances - It is the same with light bulbs. Nanny (EU) knows best as their lights blaze like the Blackpool Illuminations.

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  4. I am hoping my 2000 watt vacuum cleaner will last forever. I wasn't quick enough to run out and buy a new one to keep in storage.

    As for lightbulbs - Grrrrr! We did an experiment in our house and we changed all our so-called energy saving lightbulbs to the old fashioned normal ones and guess what? In a year we saved about £72 on our electricity bill - I kid you not. So we now bulk buy the old fashioned ones whenever we see them.

    We all need to do the opposite of what the f***wits tell us to do.

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    1. Your experiment findings do not surprise me Mollykins. And I wonder who measures the "lumens" of energy saving bulbs. David Blunkett?

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    2. Either Blunkett or Sadie his dog.

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    3. Molly! You shouldn't refer to his wife like that! It's not PC.

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  5. Well I suppose if one is going to save the world for future generations you have to start somewhere. Next they will be suggesting we ban people from owning more than one car or, heaven forbid, they will close down the coal mines. Oh yes.....

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    1. Those ferries out to the Western Isles consume a lot of fuel. Maybe the service could be reduced to just one ferry a week. Or maybe less than that. We've all got do our bit in Euroworld.

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  6. They could take up riding horses again; and the manure could be recycled for the gardens of the "simple" folk.

    Or...get rid of their cars...put wheels on the vacuum cleaners...and they can become street sweepers/cleaners simultaneously....

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    1. We are on the same wavelength Lee! You should thank God that Australia isn't being moved to Europe.

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  7. I think this is a wondrous grand plan. You British will have to hire recent immigrants to work on their hands and knees with a small brush and dustpan to clean your floors. That will be good for the economy, you know? And if that still doesn't work, the immigrants can teach you all how to live without modern conveniences and return to a more simplistic life. Meanwhile, here in the U.S. the government is trying to figure out how to keep people from leading a more simplistic life and being able to feed and care for themselves, because that makes the populace less valuable as consumers. So I guess if you guys want to own all the latest high-powered stuff, you'll have to come over here. And those of us in the U.S. who want to become self-proficient will have to move to third world countries (but only if we can still receive our retirement checks there).

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    1. Jan - Carry on like this and you will be invited to join President Obama's think tank - or maybe they'll ask you to be the UN Environmental Envoy - flying weekly around the world with not a thought about the aviation fuel you are burning up.

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