29 July 2015

Invitation

Dear Walter Palmer,

You are now famous around the world for killing Cecil. You are such a brave man! Firing an arrow into Cecil and then following him in a jeep for forty hours before shooting him dead. Wow! No wonder you were smiling proudly in the photograph at the top of this invitation. Cecil may have been King of The Beasts but you Walter are King of the Hunters.

Not only have you rid the world of a dangerous man-eating lion, you have also bravely executed Marmaduke the Elk, Gordon the Zebra, Harold the Moose, Pierre the Black Bear, Darren the Grizzly Bear, Adrian the Rhinoceros and whole generations of deer and Minnesotan water fowl. What a guy you are Walter!

I can understand entirely why you chose to spend $50,000 on the killing spree rather than giving that money to African charities that tackle AIDS, homelessness and starvation. Ridding Zimbabwe of Cecil was a way of helping the country to get back on its feet and assist its benevolent and much-loved leader Robert H. Brague Mugabe.

Because of your great achievements in the manly world of hunting, I am inviting you to join me and some other bloodthirsty hunters upon the moors west of Sheffield. It is said that there's a monster out there with unnaturally  white teeth and a shiny bald pate. It preys on sheep, women and small children and has a ludicrously high opinion of itself.

We will gather by the car park at Ringinglow -  me and Fred Fox, Higgy, Steve Howlett, bloggers like Graham and Jennifer and Mama Thyme  and Carol from Cairns and Lee and an army of ordinary folk wearing Cecil T-shirts. We will chase the cruel monster mercilessly till he's breathless, sweaty and crawling like a wounded lion amidst the heather and the gorse and then we will blast his big-headed brains out with a Canadian hunting rifle. 

As it happens, our local moorland monster is also called Walter. What a co-incidence!

I await your positive response with eager anticipation.

Yours cunningly,
Y.P.
Hunting hero Walter Palmer with Adrian the Rhino

41 comments:

  1. What a wanker he is.
    Had he killed it with a spear on foot then I could say idiot but brave. From a Toyota just says American tosser. I don't know why you like the place.
    He is a dentist, they like causing distress.
    What was the bow and arrow bit about?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That wasn't just any bow and arrow, it was an Infinite Edge Bow - retailing at $350 and Walter probably thought it would be "cool" to hit that beast with an arrow before tracking him down. I have been to America a dozen times and I know that Walter Palmer is not representative of Americans. I always feel at home there even though there are horrible and stupid American people like Walter Palmer, George Dubya Bush, Mike Tyson and Cecil Trump. The American bloggers who visit this blog are all nice, intelligent people.

      Delete
    2. I had to work there. Get to the mid-west and they would all call him a hero. Bible bashing hypocrites for the most part.
      It is a beautiful continent spoilt by the detritus of civilised society. The east coast is bearable.
      I guessed it would be posh bow and arrow......Wealthy Wanker.

      Delete
    3. I also worked there - for two summers in the seventies. Yes there are contradictions but I found so much kindness and zest for life there. The pioneer spirit was just below the surface.

      Delete
    4. Please don't judge all Americans by the actions of horrible ones like this man--what a disgrace to the whole human race he is. I could cry just thinking about what he's done. And I know a lot of my fellow Americans have earned and deserve your disdain, but they don't represent the majority of us.

      I admit to sometimes being ashamed of being an American. Especially when we all get lumped in with trash like Walter Palmer. :(

      Delete
    5. Changing Adrian's mind will be like squeezing the two sides of The Grand Canyon together Jennifer. I, on the other hand, am a proud Americophile and need no convincing. Every country has its Wally Palmers.

      Delete
  2. I do not understand this vile man. I suspect that he may have certain inadequacies and needs to kill big animals to make him feel less inadequate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree Leisha and I am glad that he isn't my dentist!

      Delete
  3. I just wish he could experience what he does to animals himself . Without his weapons I suspect he would be a whimpering wreck wetting himself with fear ....

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sorry YP I rattled on , I feel really upset that this idiot committed such a horrible act.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rattle on as much as you want to Leisha. All decent people share your disdain.

      Delete
  5. Some of these creeps can stoop pretty low.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe this incident will act as a loud warning call to the creeps - making them think twice about murdering animals just for "sport".

      Delete
  6. And I will gladly don my Cecil t-shirt and join in the hunt for the vile monster!!

    JUSTICE FOR CECIL!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tally ho! Time to chase The Walter Monster. We'll wipe away that gleaming dentist smile.

      Delete
  7. I had to sit for some time and control my rage before commenting. There are people like the wonderful Walter in every country in this world.
    What a brave man, more money than sense and most of that money extracted from the patients in his dental practice.
    What a wanker.

    Ms Soup.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should I deduce from this comment that you don't like people like Wally Palmer? Spell it out next time Alphie!

      Delete
  8. This is such a sad, sad story....such a horrible, horrible story...it breaks my heart.

    What a useless prick of a person Palmer is. A poor excuse of a human being. He disgusts me...he and those of his ilk disgust me...I'd better stop...there is a lot more I'd like to say...but I think you can imagine how I feel about this mongrel.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think Wally Palmer should be extradited to Queensland to spend a weekend with you. Do you still have those nutcrackers in your kitchen drawer?

      Delete
    2. I think that is an excellent suggestion, Yorky. I'm a very hospitable host....I'd treat him as he should be treated....no holds barred. :)

      Delete
    3. I am also from Queensland Lee and I offer my services as your assistant for the weekend.

      Delete
    4. Sounds good to me, Leisha. I reckon he'd enjoy a weekend here with us in Queensland...hospitality at its best would be shown to him. We could take him swimming with the sharks...

      Delete
    5. The promise of a good air-tight snogging from two experienced Queensland ladies should have Wally Palmer quaking in his boots! The only thing he'll be hunting is the lavatory.

      Delete
    6. I think Lee and I would know a few good swimming spots ... Or we could take him up north to de of those nice crocodile spots ... Take him swimming in stinger season ...

      Delete
  9. I heard about this sad tale while listening to the radio and driving to work......I was so angry at this moron.....shouting 'bastard' loudly in an empty car.....but I felt even worse when I realised that I constantly listen to radio reports of human deaths all over the world and it just goes in one ear and out of the other...but the tale of Cecil really touched me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Human death v Cecil death. I understand your point Libby. I don't entirely understand why this story has caused such outrage but like thousands of other people I feel it in my bones. JUSTICE FOR CECIL!

      Delete
  10. Nicely (and amusingly) put. I like your style. Many of your other readers have put it succinctly; what a prat that bloke is. And I get Libby's observation - good point. Thanks so much for visiting my blog - sorry about Humberside...really...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I accept your apology with good grace professor.

      Delete
  11. Can I please pass on the mammoth monster hunt on the Yorkshire moors. I have a note from my dentist that he is going to do a root canal without anesthetic ~ for sport.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was hoping that you would fire the final shot Carol but okay if you can't make it. That will just mean extra sausages for me at "The Norfolk Arms" where we will display our revenge kill to the world media.

      Delete
  12. I think that the world wide uproar this has caused may well severely affect mr Palmers fortunes and he may find it more difficult to continue to indulge in this despicable "sport". Hope his dental practice crashes and he goes broke !

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have never liked dentists anyway. Maybe he'll shoot himself. Wouldn't be a great loss to the world.

      Delete
  13. I think he should be hung by the *alls.
    Oh, wait. he doesn't have any.
    Plonker.
    ~JO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually his house does have walls Jo!

      Delete
  14. I would actually apply for a passport if it meant an opportunity to get that scumbag alone for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rumour has it that he has fled his home in Minneapolis and is heading for Sacramento. Don't be surprised if he knocks on your door and asks for a glass of water.

      Delete
  15. Well I will willingly (but not happily) join the hunt and bring my S├ębastien Flute bow which is more than capable of projecting an arrow which will do irreparable damage to Walter at 100 yards or more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bring me my bow of burning gold!

      Delete
  16. Im still learning from you, while Im making my way to the top as well. I definitely enjoy reading everything that is Pure Testo Xplode written on your blog.Keep the aarticles coming. I loved it! Very efficiently written information. It will be beneficial to everyone who usess it, as well as yours truly :). Keep doing what you are doing - for sure i will check out more posts.http://www.healthcaresups.com/pure-testo-xplode/

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have been reading the posts, and I pretty much agree with what Mary said.I was reading the comments, and I pretty much concur with what Mary said.In the next method, businesses Intellux use their large network of YouTube clients to view your video, thereby maximizing the amount of hits and making your video much more popular.http://www.healthcaresups.com/intellux/


    ReplyDelete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.