12 August 2015

Exploration

We have received another report from the dark heart of Yorkshire where Sir Cedric Pudding, sponsored by The Royal Geographical Society,  bravely continues his exploration of the mysterious continent. On his intrepid journey, he has crossed rivers, climbed lofty hills, battled through luxuriant vegetation, seen off all manner of barking hounds, shooed away herds of dangerous bovine beasts and consorted with hostile natives.
Hoyland Hall, High Hoyland
"It was last Saturday when I set out for the remote hill village of High Hoyland where I tethered my faithful donkey by a magnificent early eighteenth century hall. It was a hot summer's day and many High Hoylanders were outside engaging in their native customs.
Bretton Hall seen across a sugar beet field  befriended by poppies
Avoiding possible confrontation, I diverted in a northerly direction towards the estate of Bretton Hall, thence to the hamlet of Haigh where a rosy-cheeked milkmaid of ample bosom gave me a beaker of milk fresh from the dairy. Fearing ulterior motivation, I quickly crossed under the M1 Motorway and followed the banks of the babbling River Dearne all the way to the settlement of Darton. To my great relief yon lusty milkmaid had not pursued me.
Cottage in the hamlet of Haigh
Church bells were ringing to announce the nuptials of a Dartonesque couple at All Saints Church - built in 1150. Not wishing to be swept along by the emotionally charged wedding party, I instead headed back across the motorway into Kexbrough, pausing for sustenance at a primitive roadside market place known as "Spar". There I purchased a "Gray" brand scotch egg and a local brew made from the kola and coca plants and presented in a tin.
Wedding Day at Darton.
"If it's too tight we can easily loosen the stays on your corset Carol!"
Onwards towards Cawthorne but I didn't dare to venture into the cannibalistic village itself. Instead I tiptoed by Cinder Hill Farm before turning north through Margery Wood. Though sunlight pierced the canopy, leafy shadows remained and my imagination was filled with visions of murder and milkmaids wielding three-legged stools. 
Cricket at Darton Cricket Club
Emerging from those arboreal nether regions, I returned to fierce sunlight in which  High Hoylanders were harvesting their humble cornfields - no doubt already considering the forthcoming privations of wintertime. Back at Hoyland Hall, my trusty steed Donny was waiting but I noticed a handwritten parking ticket roughly attached to his bridle - issued in the name of Lord Wentworth. A fine of two guineas was demanded and a further three shillings for leaving a pile of donkey excrement on the queen's highway.

Glancing furtively about me, I knew it was time to retreat to my safe encampment in Sheffield. I mounted Donny and slapped his rump. We were off."
Harvesting at High Hoyland

19 comments:

  1. How deceptive appearances can be! By just looking at the beautiful pictures of Hoyland Hall, poppy fields, cottages and (somewhat middle-aged looking) bride and groom etc., one would never suspect the manifold dangers that lurk in Yorkshire, and the adventures that have to be braved by the courageous explorer.
    Well, I'll soon be on my own tour of Yorkshire, albeit further up North. Hoyland isn't all too far from Wath upon Dearne, if I remember correctly.

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    1. There is a Hoyland near to Wath Miss Arian but this was High Hoyland - about six miles from the other, bigger and less attractive Hoyland. I hope you have a lovely time in the Ripon area and a nice break from your usual routines.

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  2. Oh! It's time you gave your poor ass a rest, Yorky. Get yourself a segway or a scooter...a skateboard, even!

    That poppy field is beautiful.

    At the moment we don't mention the word "cricket" down this way, unless when referring to chirping crickets of the family Gryllidae - the insects kind. They're often confused with grasshoppers...as is our cricket team...ahem!

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    1. The Aussie Women Cricket Team are doing fine Lee! What was your favoured fielding position? I am guessing short leg. I bet you were good at catching balls. Maybe you still are.

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    2. Hahaha! I've long legs, Sir Cedric. I used to be 5ft 9 inches tall, but once I hit the half century and beyond I felt I had to change my approach because at a glance I think a centimetre or two disappeared so I had to change my stroke. My strike rate isn't as frequent as it used to be, either.

      I think it's time for my tea break...made in over a one short slog.

      A fine delivery, Yorker...I mean, Yorkie! :)

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    3. I think I could get you out by bowling a googlie Lee. Your bails would be all over the place and the umpire's finger would be raised immediately. Just like Michael Clarke you will soon be back in the pavilion. For your own safety, please make sure that Shane Warne isn't taking a shower in there.

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  3. Dear Sir Yorkie, I am glad to hear that your travels went well and you escaped the attentions of lusty milkmaids.....

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    1. There was only one lusty milkmaid Leishy with forearms like hams. Are you perchance a milkmaid in Somerset?

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    2. No Sir I am not.

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    3. I approve of the appellation "Sir". It is not too late to enrol for a degree course at The University of Somerset - reading Milking, Cheese Making and Bovinology.

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    4. Bovinogy sounds very interesting , alas my university days are over dear Sir.

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  4. This sounds a very hazardous walk. Thank you for braving all it's perils. That looks a very pretty nuptial.

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    1. I think that Pretty Nuptial must have been jilted at the altar as she appears to be strolling with her mum and dad!

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    1. Dear Anna,
      Have you ever considered a lobotomy? This should ease the pressure inside your skull and allow you to regain some semblance of normality.
      All the best love,
      YP

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  6. As always, Mr. Pudding, I enjoyed this trip. Although you have surely visited nicer villages than Hoyland, I did enjoy exploring the Sculpture Park that is near there. But good thing you and Donny did not visit. They have a lot of large, humongous rabbits living there!

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    1. I have been to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park several times. It is an uplifting destination Mother Thyme. Please do not confuse Hoyland with High Hoyland. They are miles apart in more ways than one. Humongous rabbits?... Oh you mean the ones by Sophie Ryder? They have some alarming human features don't they!

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