Sit down you noisy bloggers and listen up! Adrian, put it away and get down off the window sill! Graham! How many times do I have to tell you, do NOT pull Kate's hair like that! It's cruel!...Oh good heavens John, why can't you leave your damned dogs at home! And Carol! CAROL! Take out your earphones! Helen, Lee and Leisha! This is not a beauty parlour! Put your make up away girls and don't "Oh sir!" me with your come hither eyes! Bob, stop fiddling with your organ and Brian, please speak in English - not in that foreign johnny language that nobody understands! Jan, thank you for the English bantam eggs - I'll have them for tea tonight. Oh Frau Meike - glad you could make it! What? I don't care how long it takes you from Ludwigsburg just get here on time tomorrow! Sit there by the wall next to Jennifer and Hilly and that chatterbox new girl Alphie Soup! Shut up Alphie! We don't want to know any more about making minestrone!
Okay, listen up! Now I know that most of you have already mastered this critical matter but there are a couple of you who haven't so we are all going to have to go over it again... Please don't groan like that!
I am talking about the difference between:-
its and it's
(written on blackboard with screeching chalk)
It's sunny outside. ( Short for - It is sunny outside.)
It's got a strong beak and talons. (Short for - It has got a strong beak and talons.)
The other its - without an apostrophe - is reserved for possession or belonging. Here are a couple of examples:-
The dog ate its scotch egg. (The scotch egg belonging to the dog)
The River Leven burst its banks. (The banks of the river - belonging to it.)
Now take out your exercise books and your "Yorkshire Pudding Grammar Guides" and tackle the it's/its exercises that begin on page 232 and run on to page 274....
What is it Graham?...No you may not go to the toilet lad!...Well write to your M.P. then! Okay settle down and get on with the exercises everybody while I read my "Daily Mirror"... Urrgh Winnie! You disgusting creature! .... It's all over my Harris tweed jacket!...NO GIGGLING!.. Have you brought a spare fanny flannel John?