5 August 2015

Lesson

Sit down you noisy bloggers and listen up! Adrian, put it away and get down off the window sill! Graham! How many times do I have to tell you, do NOT pull Kate's hair like that! It's cruel!...Oh good heavens John, why can't you leave your damned dogs at home! And Carol! CAROL! Take out your earphones! Helen, Lee and Leisha! This is not a beauty parlour! Put your make up away girls and don't "Oh sir!" me with your come hither eyes! Bob, stop fiddling with your organ and Brian, please speak in English - not in that foreign johnny language that nobody understands! Jan, thank you for the English bantam eggs - I'll have them for tea tonight. Oh Frau Meike - glad you could make it! What? I don't care how long it takes you from Ludwigsburg just get here on time tomorrow! Sit there by the wall next to Jennifer and Hilly and that chatterbox new girl Alphie Soup! Shut up Alphie! We don't want to know any more about making minestrone!

Okay, listen up! Now I know that most of you have already mastered this critical matter but there are a couple of you who haven't so we are all going to have to go over it again... Please don't groan like that!

I am talking about the difference between:-
its and it's
(written on blackboard with screeching chalk)

Right let's look at it's with the apostrophe. It is short for either it is or it has. It is what we masters of grammar call an abbreviation. Here are a couple of examples:-

It's sunny outside. ( Short for - It is sunny outside.)
It's got a strong beak and talons. (Short for - It has got a strong beak and talons.)

The other its - without an apostrophe - is reserved for possession or belonging. Here are a couple of examples:-
The dog ate its scotch egg. (The scotch egg belonging to the dog)
The River Leven burst its banks. (The banks of the river - belonging to it.)

Now take out your exercise books and your "Yorkshire Pudding Grammar Guides" and tackle the it's/its exercises that begin on page 232 and run on to page 274....

What is it Graham?...No you may not go to the toilet lad!...Well write to your M.P. then! Okay settle down and get on with the exercises everybody while I read my "Daily Mirror"... Urrgh Winnie! You disgusting creature! .... It's all over my Harris tweed jacket!...NO GIGGLING!.. Have you brought a spare fanny flannel John?

24 comments:

  1. Fine I have understood all that....well the pertinent bit's ises. What is ITS'? I'ses it's just a typographical error.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Belt up Adrian and get on with your work! God knows what'll happen when you leave this academy! You'll probably end up at sea! Like a bloody pirate!

      Delete
  2. Ok Yorkie, I'm focusing on this lesson. My tongue is slightly protruding meaning I am concentrating. Hope I don't get detention ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a very naughty girl Leisha and if you are not careful you will receive a sound spanking in my study!

      Delete
  3. Its a losing battle, Mr. Yorkshire, sir, even for someone with as brilliant a mind as your's. Better we should toss that horrible predictive text thingy out and invent a predictive grammar instead for the great unwashed masses of the English-speaking world. Even better, let I-S-I-S have there way and they're won't be an English-speaking world left to worry about. So its all good in it's own way, see?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bob! In the staff room I told some of the other teachers - Mr Trump and Ms Clinton and Mr Flintstone that you were miles ahead of the rest in English grammar but now I am not so sure. Extra homework for you my lad!

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Oh you are so sweet Jan! I know that teachers are not meant to have pets but you are my favourite!

      Delete
    2. I thought I was your favorite, Mr. Pudding!! IT'S not fair!

      :(

      Delete
    3. You didn't give me eggs Jennifer!

      Delete
  5. Finished! *Slams book shut with triumphant smile*
    And while I was at it, Sir, I've also done all the exercises from pages 275 to 284.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't play mind games with me Meike! The book finishes on page 280! Don't be late tomorrow young lady and you can wipe that big sulk off your face immediately!

      Delete
  6. I think I've been here a few times. I think I've even taught the same lesson.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Brother Red, I am in the Guinness Book of World Records for having taught the its/it's lesson 126,427 times and still it doesn't register with some dimwits! It's exasperating!

      Delete
  7. And will your next lesson be on fewer and less?

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    Replies
    1. Don't be so cocky Graham! I am the teacher and I decide! As you have continued to pull Kate Steeds's hair, I am moving you down to the front where I can keep a closer eye on you! I am sick of you questioning my AUTHORITY!

      Delete
  8. Haha!

    A few days ago I started putting together the outline for a future article (each week I write and submit an article for publication in the local little weekly rag that's available for the mountain dwellers to read while sipping on their lattes or green teas)...and it's (please take note) along similar lines to your post, Yorky.

    The theme of my article mainly will be about the incorrect pronunciation of words.

    I then received further incentive to express my cogitations when I heard a TV presenter utter earlier this week...a day or two after I'd begun to put my thoughts together..."I hope I got the 'pronounciation' of that right!"

    Luckily, I caught the boot I'd thrown towards my television screen before it struck the target!

    By the way, I responded to your comment on my latest post in my blog. My response, as you will see, is quite lengthy.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well I am glad my post tickled you Lee! We have to defend English grammar from the forces of ignorance and idleness. It matters. How can we take the "what" seriously if the "how" is inaccurate?

    ReplyDelete
  10. Mr Pudding, I spend more time than I should admit to checking my comments for grammar and spelling errors before they are published and the Forever Schoolmaster reads them and I am reprimanded for the error of my ways.

    Do away with all punctuation I say.

    Ms Soup

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No wonder you only achieved a score of 23.5% in last week's punctuation test! Even Adrian scored more than you young lady!...And stop that sobbing! See me in my study after school for some extra tuition!

      Delete
    2. Yes, a visit to my study can be like a visit to hell!

      Delete
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