10 December 2015

Eggsplanation

What is that sitting on the kitchen worktop at Pudding Towers? Lord Pudding just popped into "The Banner Crust" to buy it. Is it a ginger coated chocolate bonbon? Is it a battered cricket ball? Is it a red kangaroo turd? Or is it a castrated camel's left testicle?

No my friends it is a superb example of a scotch egg. It cost his lordship ninety nice pence and he consumed it yesterday lunchtime.

It is sometimes said that the scotch egg was invented in a posh London grocery store called "Fortnum and Mason" in 1738 but long before then, in the cuisine of the Moghul Empire, there was a strikingly similar food item called narcissus kofta. It consisted of a hard boiled egg encased in a meat kofta shell. By 1738, the tentacles (not testicles) of the mighty British Empire had certainly reached far into the old Asian territories of the Moghuls so it is very possible that the idea was brought back to the motherland.

Various readers of this blogpost will be aware that scotch eggs can be highly addictive. Over in the exclusive retirement village of Trelawnyd, North Wales one particular resident is regularly seen stumbling from door to door with a baying pack of guide dogs, his eyes bloodshot, his swollen tongue hanging out, desperately pleading "Have you got a spare scotch egg?" Once a respected member of the nursing profession this poor trembly fellow, whose name has been withheld for legal reasons, is now a shadow of his former self.

Dressed in vomit stained cargo trousers with a great split in the crotch, old Homer Simpson carpet slippers and a stained "Walking Dead" T-shirt, he is a sorry sight to behold. He hasn't shaved in years, his eyesight is going and his lank hair is dishevelled. That is what happens with scotch egg addiction. First your money goes and then your self-respect.

Being of tough Yorkshire stock, I am determined to keep my fondness for scotch eggs in check. A weak character can easily lead users down the path to dependency as in the case cited above and I am well aware of that danger. However, scotch eggs have well-proven aphrodisiacal qualities and can bring other health benefits  too such as extra walking stamina, improved memory and improved memory. On balance, I calculate it is a risk worth taking.

Here's that same scotch egg cut in half. Notice how in this example there is no gap between the egg and the sausage meat casing for such a gap is characteristic of an inferior product - such as scotch eggs sold at petrol stations or at shops across Lancashire:-

24 comments:

  1. That ought to get John Gray's attention!

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    1. His eyes will be like the egg halves!

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  2. That's a rather nervous looking duck in the background. Was it one of the duck-egg variety?

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    1. The duck is called Gracie and we put used tea bags in her hollow back before transferring them to the compost bin at the exceedingly neat and tidy bottom of our garden.

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  3. It's been at least 10 years since I've last had a scotch egg. Steve loved them and we'd buy them regularly as sustenance for our walks during our holidays in Yorkshire. Now that most of said holidays are with my sister, who is vegetarian, it just never occurs to me to buy one for myself.

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    1. When next in Yorkshire you should treat yourself to a locally made scotch egg. Your sister can have a vegan scotch egg - a plum wrapped in lettuce!

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  4. I've never seen a Scotch egg sold on the open market here (nor on the closed market because it's always closed).

    I doubt they are a popular product to be sold in the take-away shops/cafes etc. here Maybe in southern cities, they are. I have no idea.

    I have, of course, eaten them, but I don't remember ever making them myself. I may have done a long time ago. They're not as popular here, though, as far as I'm aware.

    The folk who own the property on which I live and, therefore, the little cabin in which I dwell on said property, are English. They arrived on these fair shores about 36 years ago...thereabouts. They usually host an annual Christmas get-together for friends and nearby neighbours, and Denise, the wife, often has prepared and served Scotch eggs as part of the party foods on offer.

    I can take them (eggs)or leave them. I have a love/hate affair with eggs. Sometimes I really enjoy eating them, boiled, scrambled, poached, fried, an omelette; and then I go off them and won't have one (or more)for ages. I'm forever throwing them out because they've been too long in my fridge. I hate not having them...in case that "just in case" moment arrives!! :)

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    1. In contrast I have a love love relationship with eggs Lee. I particularly like them poached on toast with a little salt and pepper and a blob of tomato ketchup on the side. Nice to learn that though Australia is now a proud independent country, you yourself are still ruled by English landlords! Are you sure Lee is paying enough rent Denise?

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    2. They don't rule me, Yorkie! :)

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    3. I guessed that and was simply being provocative!

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  5. Yum! I could become addictive to these. I've never seen them here!

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    1. When your daughter asks what you want for Christmas, say "Homemade scotch eggs darling!"

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  6. Can't say as it looks overly appealing to me. What kind of sausage and coating is it? Spicy or bland? Bread crumbs? Deep fried? Inquiring minds want to know. You Yorkies have odd fast food, I must say ;-)

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    1. Yeah it's not quite a BigMac or a Burger King Whopper is it Hilly!

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  7. People who buy food at petrol stations pay their money and take their chances.
    It is possible to buy these foreign delicacies at upmarket food halls here in this Antipodean city but I've never been tempted to buy one.

    Ms Soup

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    1. Don't be lazy Alphie! Find a recipe on the net and make your own!

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  8. Lee is right, you don't see Scotch Eggs here very often but next time I see one I'm gong to buy it, just to try. I love anything with egg and could gladly have eggs for any meal(and sometimes do !) and can see these would make a good lunch or picnic food. I wonder why they ae so rare here?

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    1. Probably because they look like one of a large male kangaroo's dangly bits.

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  9. At the risk of running afoul (afowl?) of you and John, I have never been a fan of scotch eggs. I had one in a British pub when I lived in NYC (I must say I did not test the egg-meat gap in order to determine quality) and they are not my thing. I'm sure you will attribute that to its American origins, but it WAS a British pub. :)

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    1. No! It wasn't a British pub Steve! British pubs are only in Britain. I am so pleased that you avoid scotch eggs as this means there are more for the rest of us.

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  10. I thought that an excellent post up until the last sentence. You have ruined it for me with your bias and unnecessary and unreasonable slur upon the fair Red Rose.

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    1. Forgive me Graham. I sometimes forget that Lancastrian folk have still not latched on to the concept of kidding (and this does not involve young goats!)

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  11. Haven't seen a Scotch Egg for years, since I moved Down Under. One of those things, like decent curries, that just don't seem to have followed the pom emigrants. I used to like them but they must be a nutritional disaster. Egg, sausage meat, breadcrumbs ...?

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    1. Nice to hear from you again Michael! I had assumed that you were lost in the bush. You are right to surmise that scotch eggs are not exactly health food. That is why you have to control your consumption with willpower. Much nicer than a quinois salad though!

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