27 January 2019

Names

When I was a teacher, I prided myself on learning, remembering and using the names of every child I taught. In a normal academic year that would be around one hundred and fifty names. They would always be there on the tip of my tongue.

However, in everyday life, I am not so good with names. I remember faces but when it comes to names my memory can be like a colander. 

On many occasions I have been introduced to people and almost immediately I see their names disappearing from view like feathers upon a breeze. I have just been given the damned name and then it's gone. And I have long recognised this personal deficiency but no matter how hard I try the names blow away.

I was thinking about this last evening when Shirley and I nipped down to the local pub. There was a woman in there who we hadn't seen since 1992. She greeted me like a long lost friend, using my first name with assurance but for the life of me I could not remember what she was called.

When this kind of situation happens, it can be awkward to be truthful. You want to say something like "Who are you?" or "I am sorry. I cannot remember your name". Potentially, it might feel like a slight upon that person - as if to say - you made so little impression upon me that I have forgotten your name.

I am sure that you have known such moments too. You carry on conversing with the anonymous but familiar figure, using various devices to traverse the gaps where a first name would normally be inserted.

Our names matter. Somehow they define us just as the name "leopard" defines a particular member of the cat family. As John Proctor says to his inquisitors in "The Crucible": "How may I live without my name?"

And finally, here's another funny thing about the way one's memory works. Strolling back from the pub after guzzling down four pints of "Black Sheep" bitter, I suddenly remembered the woman's name. It was Mary! Mary! Damn! What a shame I hadn't remembered that earlier.

25 comments:

  1. In 1965 I did a lot of protocol work for the Commonwealth Arts Festival. Introducing people from diplomats to dukes was a necessary part of that. I was good at names. Then one day I forgot a name of 'someone who considered he mattered'. He complained. It changed my life. I became totally insecure with names. On one occasion I actually couldn't remember my wife's name when introducing her. It has blighted my life ever since. I have tried every trick ever written about but to no avail. I'm sure that if that incident had happened now I would have been 'straightened out' immediately by a person who straightens people out but not then. One of the great benefits to me of the smartphone is carrying names around. If I go somewhere eg a local café or hospital visit I check all the names I'm likely to meet first.

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    1. Thank you for you input Gordon..err...Gerald...Geoffrey? Is it Gary?

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  2. I have had people apologise profusely for forgetting my name or some other detail but unless they have met me many times there is no reason to believe they should remember me.

    I have also experienced the forgetting side of the equation and remembered immediately the person walked away. It's always a bit cringe worthy but surely it's normal, isn't it, my friend?

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    1. Normal? No one has accused me of that before Katie! ...Keeley?

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  3. Is it the neurons are slow in working? or have I got that wrong;) I hate my name so you can call me any name!

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    1. I may call you Sabrina...not after the teenage witch but after the English glamour model of the 1950's and 60's. By the way - in Sheffield there's a nice, homely restaurant called Thelma's!

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  4. I've written down all my new neighbours' names, there is no way I would remember them otherwise.

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    1. Do you have descriptions next to the names, such as
      Fat with whiskers
      Crooked teeth, built like a battleship
      La-di-da - looks like Jean Shrimpton etc.. ?

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  5. I have a good memory for names but even I have the occasional lapse when seeing someone for the first time in awhile. The more embarrassed I feel, the less likely I am to remember until after the person walks away.

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    1. It's nice to learn that even you are not perfect Jennifer!

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  6. I not only can't remember names, I can't remember faces, either. This has affected me my whole life. I believe it's part of why I am so socially awkward.

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    1. It would be helpful if everybody had to have their names tattooed across their foreheads.

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  7. I always thought that with students if people gave their kids to me the least I could do would be to remember the kid's name. However, I'm the same as you or worse when it comes to remembering names. The older I get the worse it gets.

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    1. "The older I get the worse it gets..." Oh dear. What hope is there for me?

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  8. I have a terrible time remembering names! Like you, I feel the name going away almost as soon as I've heard it. However, I never forget faces and even voices. It can be embarrassing at times especially when the other person remembers your name!

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    1. Occasionally I am the one who remembers the name and I see the other person squirming in their forgetfulness.

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  9. Like you, I remember faces but it doesn't matter if you can't have names to go with the faces! Luckily, in the South, I can just say, "Hey, Hon, how you doing"? And I get by with that!

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    1. I guess that Hon is a very popular name in The South Kay.

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  10. I'm the same. I just come clean and joke i must be getting dementia so could they remind me.

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    1. I suspect they will see through your cunning subterfuge ADDY... or is it Maddy? ANNIE?

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  11. I just chalk my memory lapses up to infrequency of use. And usually say "I remember YOU, but your name escapes me at the moment!"

    My mom just told me today that she forgot her last name when someone wanted to introduce her to another person. But she was married twice and her current surname is one she has only had for a fraction of her life, and she just turned 89, so I think she can be given quite a bit of slack. She gave her former surname instead, which I thought was quick thinking :)

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    1. I like your habitual retort. I will use it myself.."I remember YOU, but your name escapes me at the moment". Do you have to yell the word "YOU"?

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    2. Only if you're in a loud pub :)

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  12. I attended the little lane party here on Monday...and many attendees I'd not seen since Jan 2018 party...so names, and some of the faces certainly escaped my memory!

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