This afternoon we were at day party in Misterton, Nottinghamshire. Margaret, one of Shirley's many cousins, was celebrating fifty years of marriage with her husband Steve. Over the years, I have been to many such family gatherings regarding Shirley's kith and kin and of course the same people turn up. However, these events can sometimes be a year or two apart and I can often struggle to remember all of the names.
Driving over there, I asked Shirley to remind me of some of the names. I even said, "What's Tracey's husband called?" and she replied, "Nigel. It's Nigel." Of course Shirley remembers all the names.
At the party I was queuing at the bulging buffet table when who should sidle up to me but the aforementioned Nigel. "Hi Neil, " he said. "How's it going?". "Oh hello Kevin!" I said. "I'm fine thanks." "It's Nigel," he said looking slightly crestfallen that I had forgotten his name. I was apologetic but the damage had already been done.
In past social situations, I have been introduced to hundreds of new people. As soon as I have been given these strangers' names I seem to instantly forget them. I know that I am prone to this immediate forgetfulness but that self-knowledge has never helped me to forge a strategy that makes the names stick.
In contrast, as a schoolteacher, I would never forget my pupils' names. I thought it was important to address children by name when posing questions and besides using a child's name showed a degree of respect. Shame I have apparently been unable to transfer that skill to social situations. I am like that Roger Hargreaves creation - Mr Forgetful!
How are you when it comes to remembering names?
I am so much better with faces, but I am still pretty good with first names, at least!
ReplyDeleteLucky for you Eric.
DeleteWhat you describe is very common. You are introduced to someone and almost instantly you forget the name. Been there. Doing that.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know I am not alone Yellow.
DeleteOh, Jim, that was embarrassing.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes do well with names and sometimes just don't. I try to remember to repeat a name immediately on introduction and that is helpful
I will try that method Bathsheba.
DeleteIf you always struggled to remember names, that would just be so. But since you never forgot a student‘s name, but struggle in social situations, I guess that at work as a teacher you were tuned to a different mindset towards the kids in your class than you are to a group of adults whom you are not expected to teach.
ReplyDeleteI am usually quite good with both names and faces, but over the past couple of years I have noticed that it requires a bit more effort now than it used to.
And there are a few people whose names I know and yet somehow have stored them incorrectly in my memory. One example is our current landlady in Ripon. Her name is Julia, but when I mention her in conversation with my sister etc., I nearly always say Julie.
Your brain is clearly in better working order than mine Marlene.
DeleteMostly I am good at remembering names, but I did once have a friend whom I called Shirley for six months when her name was actually Joan. She didn't mind at all being "someone different" for those six months.
ReplyDeleteOh that is funny Edna!
DeleteI have a theory that when you are introduced to someone, especially in a party situation, you are so busy being polite, introducing yourself etc. that the brain doesn't register their name very well. I certainly happens to me....not so often these days as we don't go to many parties !! No excuse for you though , just after your wife has reminded you of a name!
ReplyDeleteWise reflections Liz! How's your new job at Microsoft? I imagine it's a bit easier than being prime minister.
DeleteThe part of your brain that stores names is clearly full of the names of former students and there simply isn't space for more names. I am not sure what is in the name storage part of my brain, but it doesn't work very well at all. Of course as you get older, names don't seem to jump out like they used to. They require half a second's travelling time to your mouth, even for some who you know well. Observing your own deterioration is quite interesting, Noel.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this contribution Maurice.
DeleteI can only remember the persons name if we are at the same venue as when first meeting, if I see them else where, I won't remember their names.
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard isn't it Boudica?
DeleteI hate it sometimes when people say: "Hi Dave". I haven't got a clue who they are.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it usually the guards Albert?
DeleteWell, Fred, I don't seem to have any problems....
ReplyDeleteNone that you care to mention Nelly!
DeleteI'm usually not too bad at remembering names of friends and family (and even friends' family members that I've never met). Face (and name) recognition when meeting people that I never knew really well somewhere unexpected may be a problem, though. I also (alas) have to admit I often find it harder to memorize foreign names - including those of recently appointed prominent politicians in other countries... ;-) (I felt I had just about managed Rishi Sunak when he was replaced!)
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to know I am not the only one who has issues with names Agnetha.
DeleteIt's surnames, rather than christian names, that stump me. I do eventually remember them, but not when I need them!
ReplyDeleteI guess your brain does not work as it used to Ena.
DeleteI was horrible at it until I learned the Dale Carnegie technique. With it, you make a mental image that goes with the name such as “Nigel with nunchucks.” Then you will never forget it again.
ReplyDeleteThen I'd call him Chuck!
DeleteI should try the Dale Carnegie technique Lenny.
DeleteI terrible at remembering names. Back in my homebuilding days, I was talking with a colleauge on the phone and a client who we had a home under construction for came in, I said, "I have to run, Mrs, . . . SW2-28 just came in." The was the job number of the house she bought. Two years later I ran into her in the grocery store, she said "Hi David, I bet you don't remember me, I am Mrs. SW2-28." She was right, didn't and still don't remember her name. But I do remember details of the house, it was plan 1982, with two optional bay window, no fireplace, stained trim and doors.
ReplyDeleteThat's kind of funny Ambrose.
DeleteI can't remember names OR faces. I often wonder if this is part of the reason I have become so loathe to get myself into social situations in the past decade.
ReplyDeleteGrasping names is a powerful skill to possess Juanita.
DeleteI'm much better at remembering names if I see them written down. I suspect you are too as you could remember students names. However, that bit of memory is declining now. I think part of my brain also decided to stop remembering patient's name because most of them died and it was painful.
ReplyDeleteYes. I think that writing down could help to "fix" names Dorothy.
DeleteI used to be better at it than I am now. The kids at school are often incredulous that I remember so many of their names, but the honest truth is, there are probably as many I DON'T know as those that I do. Being a reporter trained me to pay attention to names and remember them, but working around so many kids for so many years seems to have dulled rather than sharpened that skill!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Sherlock.
DeleteMy sister and I were just talking about this. If I can't sleep, I will think of the names of people I have known in the past - like classmates from elementary school and I am amazed to say I can come up with a lot of them. But if I meet someone now, I often forget their name almost immediately! Sometimes, I don't hear it correctly and am embarrassed to have them keep repeating it but other times, I just can't hold their name in my memory!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Edith.
DeleteI have become much worse at this as I have aged.
ReplyDeleteIt happens to the best of us Walter.
DeleteMy former team of teachers always marveled how well I remembered all of the students' names, even what period I taught them. Like you, I thought it was important for them to know that I KNEW them. Frequently I will get a text from my former team asking me to try and remember names. I usually do.
ReplyDelete