5 December 2007

Torture

Tooth number nineteen sitting on my lower jaw has been my private tormentor for around three years. It has been a roller coaster of pain, discomfort, gorgeous painfree periods, visits to dentists, partings with hard-earned cash, phone calls unanswered, sleepless nights, silver packs of "Ibuprofen" and "Paracetamol", throbbing headaches, food masticated on the left - avoiding the right at all costs, a Polish dentist whose English seemed to consist of "Hokay" and "Dunt vorry my dear" and "£225 please!"

The last few days the pain has been unbearable at times so after trying other avenues I again resorted to visiting the Hemper Lane Dental Practice in Sheffield's semi-detached suburbs. It is a private practice led by Mr Bird - a guy who I see up at "The Prince of Wales" most Monday evenings.
There was salacious banter between him and his nurse as he worked on number nineteen - thinly disguised double-entendres. I guess it gets them through the day. On the ceiling was a Simpsons poster showing just about every character who has ever appeared in the cartoon. They looked down yellowly as pus and blood erupted from my aching tooth. I expected - almost wanted to lose the damned thing today but Mr Bird had other ideas - getting right down to the bottom of the dead nerve and disinfecting it - "Clearing out the crap" was the technical terminology employed by said Mr Bird as he gazed down through his gold-rimmed Heinrich Himmler spectacles. I gripped the arm rests as if my hands had been permanently welded there.

He is 90% certain his intervention will do the business and next Tuesday I have to return for a follow-up and the tamping down of a permanent filling. So take that number nineteen - you little sod! Your days of disturbing my equilibrium are fast coming to an end. Teeth - one of our maker's more questionable creations. I wouldn't wish toothache on anyone apart from terrorists, child molestors, joy riders, Euro-MPS, George W. Bush and the entire Preston North End first team squad - oh and of course all contestants in "The X Factor" and "Strictly Come Dancing"! I'm sure I've missed somebody...

8 comments:

  1. best not make any 'marathon man' jokes if he's polish YP. MY teeth cause me a lot of bothe too. last night I knocked them completely off the bedside table when I was fumbling for the alarm. Now they're all dusty and cobwebby and nothing tastes right...

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  2. best not make any 'marathon man' jokes if he's polish YP. MY teeth cause me a lot of bothe too. last night I knocked them completely off the bedside table when I was fumbling for the alarm. Now they're all dusty and cobwebby and nothing tastes right...

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  3. Thatcher obviously.

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  4. You are not a fan of Strictly??? Have you no taste, man!!

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  5. E-mail me!!!!

    cobblerjane@yahoo.co.uk

    It isn't the same without you there!

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  6. I broke the last tooth on my right lower jaw the other day, so I feel your pain duud.

    I too have had layers of pain.. many layers.. through the years. Impacted, permanent teeth that have not grown out and grew into the baby tooth above.. requiring me to lose not just the permanent tooth, but the baby tooth and the one beside it.
    two crowns and now this one that will most likely have to have a crown or lose it which will leave me no teeth on the bottom right. Can't afford a bridge.

    enney way. I go Monday for the verdict.

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  7. I thought Olivier too, AC.
    Try biting on a clove - tastes disgusting, but does dull the pain.

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  8. Far be it from me to stop by, not bother reading your fine blog, and tag you in a meme into the bargain!! But here it is anyway!!

    TAG!

    http://arctic--fox.blogspot.com/2007/12/bloody-meme-so-ive-been-tagged-by.html

    FoX

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