17 July 2013

Blogposts

      I am sure we are all aware of the dangers of alcohol for health and mental well-being. Last night your affectionate correspondent ventured out to the local hostelry to quaff a few quarts of foaming ale. The Tuesday evening quiz was on and with two other fellows - Jonathan and Mark (Richard is on holiday on a faraway desert island called Australia) - we managed to win a famous victory over the seethingly jealous opposition. Later your correspondent staggered home, sometimes leaning on lamp-posts and  parked cars for support. Arriving home, he flopped in the computer chair and wrote the following nonsense which this morning I was tempted to delete. However, we must face our demons and I have retained it as a warning to all bloggers - Never blog when inebriated! You might produce some tripe like this:- 
This afternoon I went down to the local DIY superstore to purchase a bunch of sturdy blogposts. When I got home, I hammered those blogposts into the ground with my ten pound sledgehammer. It was sweltering work in the 30 degree heat but finally the blogposts were in situ and miraculously all standing vertical. Then I rolled out the barbed wire and wearing heavy duty protective gloves nailed it into place - blogpost by blogpost. Finally my corral was finished.

Next I had to herd the blogs. They were running all over the place. I grabbed Going Gently by the hind legs and chucked him into the enclosure. Rhymes With Plague was bleating and kicking off but with a little brute force, he was also over the barbed wire fence. Carol from Cairns was looking rather sheepish so all I needed was a handful of high protein "nuts" to get her into the fold along with prize-winning Helsie's Happenings and coy Demob Happy Teacher.

As the evening arrived, I was dead beat having cajoled and tethered over twenty blogs. Hippo on the Lawn's friskiness convinced me it was almost time for the nutcrackers while in the far corner of the paddock Lettice Leaf was prancing like a thoroughbred - probably a mating ritual aimed at alpha male Shooting Parrots. Just then, all in a panic, Cosumne Girl burst through the fence sending a couple of blogposts flying. Soon almost all the blogs escaped - Tannu Tuva, My Dad's A Communist, Adrian's Images, D-Scribes - all running off down the lane like prison escapees.

I knew I should have made the blogposts myself and used concrete to fix them in place. They  just don't make blogposts like they used to do!

This is surely proof that, inebriation apart, I must be stark, raving mad!

13 comments:

  1. 'coy Demob Happy Teacher'? COY??? You should definitely stay away from the alcohol, YP. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, I think it is great! Maybe I'm permanently inebriated. Not sure how that could be since it has likely been a year since I even put a dash of liquor in my orange juice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. JENNY Okay - not coy - demure!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sir YP, those bloody blogposts! You just can't get good ones anymore ( chortle) ~ all utter utter rubbish. Sounds like you were very busy and a pint or two was in order.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. "I'm going to quaff a few quarts," said Tom Swift, soberly.

    Anything Carol in Cairns says twice is true. Anything Carol in Cairns says twice is true.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Demure??? Even worse!

    ReplyDelete
  8. CAROL IN CHAINS If something is worth saying, it's worth saying twice!
    RHYMES WITH PLAGUE "Quaff" is a lovely verb but it hardly captures the sound or sense of guzzling large quantities of ale. "Quaff" sounds like you're swishing flies away.
    JENNY All right! Not demure either! How about pernickety?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oops ~ sorry didn't know it posted twice. Aren't I clever (or not) :-/

    ReplyDelete
  10. What is most impressive is how your spelling and grammar withstood the Tetley's assault.

    ReplyDelete
  11. CAROL IN CHAINS...And there was me thinking you were an IT expert!
    SHOOTING PARROTS Scientists ( I am not saying where) have proven that Tetley's Bitter enhances writing skills.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My posts are firing on all cylinders I have you know!

    ReplyDelete
  13. My posts and razor wire are keeping the wolf from the door.

    26 stone prancing... you 'aving a larff?

    LLX

    ReplyDelete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.