18 September 2013

Yorkshireish

English can be spoken in a myriad of different ways. Here in England there are still dozens of distinct accents. We don't all talk like David Niven or Prince William tha knows! The following jokes - sent to me by my friend Sofia - all require some appreciation of a broad South Yorkshire accent. Will you be able to "get" them? 

Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is going on in Yorkshire nightclubs.
Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ecstasy just above their front teeth.
Police say this very dangerous practice is called "e by gum"

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A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.
Yorkshireman: "Eyup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

...............................................
A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

...............................................
Bloke from Barnsley (called Brian) with piles asks the local chemist: "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

19 comments:

  1. Some good 'uns there, though I think my great-great-grandfather was already telling a couple of 'em.
    Good to see the humour is holding up against all the doom and gloom the world has to offer.
    As they say, Keep Calm and 'ave a cuppa :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah then, ah 'ope thi gr8 gr8 granfaither dint 'ave copyreet on thowse owd jokes?

      Delete
  2. Excellent. As a Yorkshire lass - although left that wonderful county at the age of four - smiles and a warm cuddly feeling enveloped me while reading.

    Sumat special 'bout Yorkshire folk.

    Anna :o]

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is much about Yorkshire folk. Most of it is best avoided.

      Delete
  3. This arrived just in time to welcome me home.
    A goo job I made me sen a piece before leaving York. the electrics off.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We've never had mains electric. It costs too much. We have a West Highland terrier in a giant hamster wheel instead.

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    2. Never thought of that. I use HondaPower. Costs a fortune it does. I'll put the dogs to work.
      Not even a bit daft is thee.

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. I read it. Still can't figure out if your nan was having a sly pop at Yorkshire folk!

      Delete
  5. ee eck lad ah luv em speshlly last un

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ey up Gerald me owd flower, ow's tha goin' on?

      Delete
  6. I'm not from Yorkshire (surprise, surprise!), but I laughed at all of them. Good stuff!

    Of course, I couldn't repeat any of them here in Canton, Georgia, because the people would hereabouts would accuse me of dialectic materialism.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am amazed that you understood these jokes but I guess that gradually I have been educating you in our ancient Yorkshire ways. Is dialectic materialism something like bestiality?

      Delete
  7. Got them all and had a laugh too...thanks lad.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love the Yorkshire humour, the dialect, the carefulness... Oh and the pudding.

    LLX

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are a woman of discerning good taste Lady Lettice. Shall I ask my valet to leave us now?

      Delete
  9. E by gum

    You daft sod you

    ReplyDelete
  10. The old ones are the best! ;)

    ReplyDelete

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