8 March 2014

Wordplay

Words will often make us laugh. We chuckle at small children's misuses just as we giggle at the verbal faux pas of the elderly. Puns and malapropisms are the stock in trade of your average comedian. Words can be used like weapons but they can also be great fun. You might chortle at some of the following statements but I am afraid I can't claim to have spawned them. They were passed on to me in an e-mail round robin. Apologies if you have already received it....
  • When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
  • When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
  • The batteries were given out free of charge.
  • A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
  • A will is a dead giveaway.
  • With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
  • A boiled egg is hard to beat.
  • When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
  • Police were called to a kindergarten where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
  • Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?...He's all right now.
  • A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
  • He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
  • When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
  • Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
  • Those who get too big for their jeans will be exposed in the end.

5 comments:

  1. Thanks for the smiles!

    That would've been an interesting football match to watch...with so many balls on the field...it would've been difficult to keep up!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bad Lee! Footballers require excellent ball skills if they intend to score.

      Delete
  2. Some of these were really funny! I also llike funny signs, for instance misspelled or wrongly translated shop and restaurant signs in tourist destinations.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I like to see Greek menus translated into English - "Biff Stake" for example.

      Delete
  3. Very Milton jones
    Love em

    ReplyDelete

Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.