15 May 2016

Studies

Studies have shown that a spoonful of manuka honey a day reduces susceptibility to the common cold and flu by 50%. Studies have also shown that drinking one large glass of red wine a day will massively reduce the possibility of heart disease. Studies from a university in America indicate that global warming is in fact a myth. Meanwhile, studies from Sweden suggest that smacking the bottoms of naughty children may cause severe psychological damage.

Studies have shown that the Icelandic people are the healthiest folk on the planet whilst Syrians are currently the unhappiest. A recent study from South Africa tells us that using a pogo stick for an hour every day for a year will extend your life by an average of three weeks. Studies from The University of Amsterdam prove that smoking marijuana does no damage to your memory and does not increase the incidence of psychosis. Studies from The University of Utah state the exact opposite.

Studies in blogging show that 98.5% of blogposts contain at least one significant grammatical error. These studies further show that the five top subjects of blogposts are a) cookery b) animal care c) mixed crafts d) Donald Trump e) bowel movements.

Studies from Yorkshire indicate that the public are getting fed up with listening to the results of stupid studies in the media. Furthermore, the Yorkshire studies show that most studies deserve to be flushed down the toilet along with the heads of those who give airtime to these endless studies. Studies show that all readers of this blogpost are bound to be attractive and intelligent human beings with oodles of common sense and  nicely deodorised armpits.

30 comments:

  1. LOL. Have you ever seen the "Findings" section at the back of Harper's magazine? Every month it's a full page and it reads pretty much like this -- an assemblage of research study results. It's pretty humorous.

    I'm not surprised the teetotalers in Utah came out against marijuana. I, meanwhile, am greatly in favor of the daily glass of red. I bet my heart is in excellent shape.

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    1. I will look out for "Findings" Steve. In the meantime I am glad I gave you a Sunday chuckle.

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  2. On German TV, there is a show about... well, German TV. It is rather funny and takes the mickey out of many popular German TV programs. One recurring feature in the show is an "institute" where "scientists" regularly find out "amazing" facts in "thorough studies". It is presented with such a straight face that I guess some unsuspecting viewers who happen to come across it mid-show believe it.

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    1. Studies show that Ms Riley of Ludwigsburg is the most mischievous blogger when it comes to winding up her blog fans!

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  3. I'm having a glass of red wine at the moment YP. You do know your readers don't you?

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    1. Yes. I surmise you will be writing about bowel movements later or a very similar subject - Donald Trump.

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  4. I avoid all 'studies' like the plague (they are usually done by folk getting 'grants' or similar for doing next to nothing anyway.) Haven't thought of bowel movements as a topic before but might consider it in the future if I can't think what to write about!

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    1. Well I will be looking out for your bowel movements post Mrs Weaver - but no pictures please!

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  5. This is very silly, my teachers encouraged me to study; they had to as most knew F'all. I don't think that studying should be denigrated. I think you confuse studies with analysis.

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    1. Your teachers did not encourage you to study Adrian. They encouraged you to go to their private studies to have your backside tanned! "Now go and analyse those red weals Ward! And stop that snivelling boy!"

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    2. Ps. Analysts are worse than mathematicians. They guess and never prove. If it was down to statisticians and analysts you would have a one in ten chance of being right, left or middlesex depending on the conjunction of Mars and Venus on the day you were born. If you were examined by a mathematician you would have to prove you were right. Left. Middlesex.

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    3. Neil, this thread thingy is brilliant but not as a chat line. We got out of sync.
      To reply, my teachers knew their limits. They pointed me to further study. They also pointed me to knock basic algebra into the thick kids. I used to draw a railway line on the blackboard. Pop Bakewell in the middle, Matlock to the right and Buxton to the left. Get them to add minus numbers towards Buxton cos that was a dump and plus numbers to Matlock where the Lido was. If the thickos got muddled up I'd push their noses up and down the board. All upper school were expected to help out the lazy blighters.

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    4. Where was Tideswell? Stony Middleton? I think that lead seeped into the gene pool out there... So you were a pupil teacher! You missed your vocation sir. You could have had leather elbow patches and a pipe just like me.

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  6. My cardiologist told me to drink one glass of red wine each day, preferably in the evening, not to prevent heart attacks but to raise my good cholesterol (HDL), which does help prevent heart attacks; so I suppose you are correct in that if A leads to B and B leads to C then A can be said to lead to C.

    Also, our friend John in Trelawnyd writes enough all by himself about his bowel movements and animal care to let thousands of other bloggers off the hook.

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    1. Phew! I would rather not know about your bowel movements Bob. By the way last night I happened to see one of those dangerous driving clip shows and Canton, Georgia featured in it! Were you the drug-crazed driver who turned the pick-up over while being pursued by the cops?

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  7. A good guess about your readers YP - and statistics will tell you that we're all fantastic and tucking into the daily glass of red wine ! We'll leave Trump to the others, and bowels to John in Trelawynd !

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    1. Okay that leaves you with mixed crafts CG. How about a step by step lesson in how to make an Arabic gazebo?

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  8. Right on! I'm glad that lst study in Yorkshire was made! I'm also glad I'm following your blog! I fit in the 1.5% because I make more than I mistake per post.

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    1. Bad Red! You missed an "a" out of "last" but as you are a man of senior years, I forgive you!

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    2. Now you're really messin with my senior mind. Are you sharp! I looked for last and couldn't find it. I was taking it as 1st!!! Oh boy!

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  9. Studies conducted here on Tamborine Mountain have proven that all studies and researches are best studied when sitting on the toot/loo/toilet/lavatory (or whatever else one wishes to call the throne), and then promptly flushed away - treated with the disdain they deserve!

    The only study I've studied that is spot on is your last statement, Yorkie.

    It takes you, and only you, to have done the one worthwhile study, Yorkie. Your findings are correct.

    Your conclusion in your conclusions is accurate.

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    1. A study by The University of Queensland has concluded that people who live on Tamborine Mountain are delightful, sophisticated and caring human beings. The study was first published on April 1st.

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    2. Yes...I know...I was the one who published it.

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  10. Ha, good one YP! Blogging about bowel movements?? Well I have been searching for something to write about but I think I will spare you all with that topic though it's true that I like to think of my blog as a type of online diary !

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    1. I like to think of mine as an online dairy where you can order dairy products.

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    2. I'll have two pounds of butter, please.

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    3. And I'll have some milk please: studies have shown that it's good for the bowels and prevents spilling mistooks.

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  11. Research by the Lancashire Institute of Comparative Studies has shown that non-Yorkists are happier, wealthier, live longer, are more intelligent and are better endowed than those living east of the Pennines, even allowing for a degree of research bias.

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    1. A study by The Hull City Bovver Boys has concluded that a certain waggish fellow living in the Stockport area is going to get a damned good kicking when we catch him! Grrrrrrr!

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    2. Brawn over brains: figures!

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.