I wish I was Tom Cruise from Syracuse. If I was Tom Cruise I would cruise around the neighbourhood like a tom cat, flashing my pearly white teeth at everyone I encountered.
To entertain myself in the evening, I would watch old Tom Cruise films on a giant screen or fondle my many awards that I would keep in a vast glass display cabinet.
There would be framed photos on my walls of my three wives and many girlfriends plus my three adorable children. I would smile quietly at these images, sometimes catching my own reflection in the glass.
If I was Tom Cruise I would know all about scientology and I would be able to explain to myself why it's not just a load of bullshit. Above my bed there would be an enormous painting of L. Ron Hubbard. He'd be smiling benignly just like me.
As Tom Cruise, I would literally observe doors opening for me. I would enjoy the best tables in fancy restaurants and first class air tickets where ever I decided to travel. And I could go anywhere. Penguins in Antarctica. Footprints on an uninhabited coral atoll. An African safari. Anywhere.
And where ever I travelled my fans would call my name. I would sign my autograph over and over again and figure in thousands of selfies. I would not find this attention tiresome. Being Tom Cruise obviously comes with responsibilities.
Yes I wish I was Tom Cruise and wonder if Tom Cruise wishes he were me. Somehow I doubt it.