26 July 2018

Maserati

My Maserati GranCabrio MC was delivered yesterday while I was working at Oxfam. You may remember that I was desperate for a banana-coloured car. Maserati UK pulled out all the stops for me.

As I walked up the street, the Italian beast was waiting for me - the keys being dangled by a smarmy fellow called Justin who introduced himself as Maserati's special projects officer - whatever that might mean. He smelt of an expensive man's fragrance - "Bozo" or "Plonker" - something like that.

He talked me though the car's controls and we took it for a spin with me at the wheel. Oh my God! The acceleration is incredible. You feel the power in your skeleton. The Maserati is like a rampant lion whereas Clint seems more like a timid guinea pig.

We roared up Ringinglow Road to The Norfolk Arms and roared back twice as quickly. Justin was clinging to his seat like a wimp but I was chuckling like Dick Dastardly as we rode the tarmac like robbers in a getaway car. Is that too many likes?
The new car
Back home, I signed some papers and the banana-coloured car is now officially mine! All mine!

Justin climbed into the cab of the low loader that had brought the car up to Sheffield and was off. In the house, Shirley asked me if I liked my new car and I said it would take some getting used to.

"What about Clint?" she asked. "What are you going to do with him?"

"What do you mean?" I snapped. "If you think I am getting rid of Clint, you are sorely mistaken. He has been like a brother to me. The Maserati will never replace Clint!"

"What are you going to call the new car?"

"I don't know. I will ask my blog visitors."

And then we went out on the decking at the back of our house for our tea - a nice cheese and red onion quiche with salad and something very weird called quinoa! When you are a lottery jackpot winner I guess you have to get used to living the high life! But bloody quinoa! I ask you!

36 comments:

  1. When Clint finds out you compared him to a timid guinea pig, I'm thinking you won't be like brothers any more . . .

    Name for the new car: Mister Mustard

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  2. P. S. I put a lot of thought into that name (probably at least 2.5 seconds) so I'll thank you not to dismiss it with your usual callous comments!

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    1. Oh gee! That is a great suggestion Jenny! Many thanks.

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  3. Poor Clint must be heartbroken with jealousy. I think Clint would call her Jezebel.

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    1. I only drive male cars Bonnie! You just have to check to see if they have got an exhaust pipe.

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  4. You are on a roll here with all kinds of good fortune! We don't name cars here so I don't have any suggestions for you.

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  5. I listen to LBC radio, where they are currently running an ad' for the Maserati Levante. Whether or not they do them in 'banana' I don't know, but the advert is bloody annoying.

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    1. Oh! How coarse! I never knew that Maserati were resorting to radio ads. Very disappointing.

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  6. They really must have worked day and night there at the Maserati works to fulfill your special order in such a short time. But then of course you probably paid for all their extra shifts.
    I agree with Bonnie - if Clint had a say, he'd name the newcomer Jezebel.

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    1. I don't drive female cars. They are always breaking down and they make far too much noise.

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  7. Our first car was exactly that colour except is was a Ford escort. It only lasted 10 months and the back axle went.

    Name for the car, Eastwood. New name for you, Walter Mitty.......­čśÇ

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    1. Eastwood? You mean like Clint Eastwood or Eastwood in Nottinghamshire - the place where D.H.Lawrence was born?

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  8. Replies
    1. You have an odd sense of humour Kylie!

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  9. Since this is only part of your ongoing fantasies, perhaps name it after another fantasy car that it's shape resembles,Batmobile.

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    1. Eh? What makes you think I am fantasising Anon?

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  10. Read and heed: Fabio. And the new owner should try to look like the original Fabio as well -- long wavy hair, rippling chest muscles, clutching at passing bodices, you get the drift.

    If you're going to dream, you may as well go all the way.

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    1. Fabio. Fabio...I kind of like that. It's Italian. Or perhaps Bob - sleek and reliable.

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  11. I think it needs a really grand name, like something a drag queen would adopt. "Psychosia de Banane," for example, or "Fantasia Moutarde."

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    1. Such n ames do not fall trippingly off the tongue do they Steve?

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  12. My first car was called Mouse, my second was Roger, and the rest have been The Car. I would never drive anything so flash as a Maserati.

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    1. If you had £7.7 million in the bank you might change your mind Sue. I have bought that car using only the interest accrued!

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  13. Replies
    1. I don't plan to drive it into the sea!

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  14. I think this car is so sexy it is like Jessica Rabbit so I would name it Jess - satisfies your need for a male name and also one syllable since it is too fast for any more.

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  15. "My Maserati does 185,
    I lost my license, now I don't drive.
    I rent a limo, ride in the back...
    I lock the doors in case I'm attacked"

    -Joe Walsh

    Call the car Joe. Or Giuseppe since it's an Italian car.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks for the heads up re. the Joe Walsh song Jennifer... I like Bob Brague's suggestion.

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  16. Mr. Pudding! That 'yellow car' just seems a little bit outdated and too bourgeois for you! Just give it to someone else - you can afford it. As a lottery winner it would only be fitting if you drove a car as you can see them at this link:

    mport.ua/style/1511007-Ih-sijatel-stva--TOP-10-sverkajucshih-tachek

    I know the link looks like it will lead you to a gulag in Sibersk and you may not trust it. In that case simply google 'chrome car wraps'. I'm sure that you will agree with me that one of those super shiny cars is the ultimate snazziness. And, thanks to the mirror effect of the finish, you can always make sure that your fringe looks good.

    If, against good taste, you decide to keep 'that yellow car', I agree that Fabio would be an excellent name for it.

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    1. Thank you for the idea Iris. I have checked it out.. but most of my adult life I dreamed of possessing a banana-coloured Maserati. Perhaps my sense of style is not as sophisticated as yours.

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  17. "Banana" sounds like a fitting name.

    Dear Clint. I hope you assured him he still retains the special place in your heart, and always will. Made him understand that he will never be replaced by such glitterati...that you are not so shallow a person to toss dear sweet Clint aside for a moment's pleasure!

    I'm sure he's been crying himself to sleep every night. Get your act together, Mr. Pud...and promptly, or else Clint will pack up his boot and head to find someone who has not a fickle heart!!

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    1. Pray do not worry fair maiden, I shall never forsake Silver Clint. The new car is a kind of plaything - a mere toy.

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Mr Pudding welcomes all genuine comments - even those with which he disagrees. However, puerile or abusive comments from anonymous contributors will continue to be given the short shrift they deserve. Any spam comments that get through Google/Blogger defences will also be quickly deleted.