Why did the dyslexic Yorkshireman get funny looks?
Because he was walking around wearing a cat flap.
A Yorkshireman walks into a vet's office and says "Ay up, can tha tek a look at our cat? It's not bin its sen lately."
"Sure.'" says the vet. "'First things first, is it a tom?"
"Nah" he replies "I've got it 'ere wi me."
A Texan ranch owner was on holiday in Yorkshire. He visited a local pub in a sheep farming area of the county. He struck up a conversation with a sheep farmer in the pub. After a bit of chit chat, the Texan asked the Yorkshireman a question. The conversation went thus:
Texan - “So, how long does it take you to go from one end of your farm to the other?”
Yorkshireman – “About three hours to walk from one end to the other.”
Texan – “If I get in my car to drive from one end of my ranch to the other, it’ll take me a day.”
Yorkshireman - (after some pause for thought) – “Aye, I used to have a car like that.”
A man was spotted at a farmers market in a coastal town in Yorkshire, kissing a girl who was not his wife.
Turns out he was having a Scarborough affair.
Wrigleys have launched a new website where you can order chewing gum online. It's called ebuygum.com!
A farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from his stream & shouts,"Ey up cock! Tha dun wanna be drinkin watta from theer, it's full o hoss piss an cow shite".
The bloke says "I'm from London can you speak bit slower please".
The farmer replies, "If - you -use - two - hands - you - won't - spill - any!"
Funny! All the funnier as my wife will sometimes speak this way just for fun.ReplyDelete
Eyup Red! Ah's tha goin' on me owd cock?Delete
LOL! Thanks for the grins, YP :)ReplyDelete
Glad you got 'em Jenny.. I wasn't sure that foreigners or aliens like yourself would make sense of them.Delete
Of course we foreigners can understand them! We have televisions and hear a variety of languages with different dialects and so on. I feel sorry for the man taking a drink from the river though.ReplyDelete
He was from LONDON River!Delete
Always good to have a bit of a giggle on a Monday morning. Thanks!ReplyDelete
Giggles on a Monday morning are rare.Delete
Haha. Even made a Lancastrian laugh!ReplyDelete
Good heavens! I didn't realise they were THAT funny!Delete
Thanks for the Monday morning laughs YP.ReplyDelete
The other evening, I watched a TV programme about the making of "Last of the Summer Wine". Hilarious humour, and I thought that it's a long time since I've had such a good laugh.
You have just made me think of a new job! Professional tickler! You book him or her online and they come round to give you a good tickle - including the soles of your feet and your armpits. Before you know it you are laughing uncontrollably. Best to wear incontinence pants.Delete
I am appropriately amused, especially about the Texan's slow car.ReplyDelete
AUSSIE We've got trains in Australia that take three days to cross the country.
YORKSHIREMAN Aye, we've got slow trains in Yorkshire too.
"'First things first, is it a tom?"ReplyDelete
Took me a minute, then I got it, and giggled.
I am pleased and a little surprised that yankee doodle dandy worked that one out! Top marks Bob!Delete
That was my favorite too.Delete
I have to wonder if I would understand a word you said if we ever met in real life.ReplyDelete
I would be able to understand you as I used to watch "Miami Vice".Delete
Haha! I think I might actually sound more like one of the ladies in Designing Women. Did you ever watch any of that show? It was terrific.Delete
That made me chuckle. Except the last one of course.ReplyDelete
I thought the last one was the funniest!Delete
Thanks for the humor!ReplyDelete
I really didn't realize that Yorkshire people talked so differently until I started reading blogs, Neil. It's a whole new language that I wasn't even aware of. I've been sheltered here in the Midwest of the US! :)ReplyDelete
English accents heard in films and period dramas are not the accents of the mass of ordinary English people. Mind you I guess it's the same with Holywood film and US accents.Delete
It's the way you tell 'em.ReplyDelete
Suggested tourism slogan for an inland Yorkshire port - "It's Cool in Goole!"Delete
and "heaven in Leven".Delete
People often mispronounce my home village's name. the ending is the same as "even".Delete
LOL! Oh, there I go into strange languages.ReplyDelete
Happy to find you LOLling Bruce!Delete