27 January 2007


Saturday morning 6a.m. and I couldn't sleep so I did what all secondary school teachers do - I got up and finished off the sixty final year student reports I was working on till ten thirty last night. The pupils are all sixteen years old. Here's four examples:-
The Sublime
Angel Gabriel has given of his best throughout the GCSE course. He listens and concentrates. Because of that positive attitude, he has gradually improved his skills and understanding so that now two C grade passes appears to be an eminently achievable goal.
Dove of Peace has matured in recent weeks and I was very encouraged by her mock exam performances. She is starting to write like an A level student at times – clear, well-supported, with evidence from the text. I have always thought of her as one of the most capable students in her teaching group and now she is really starting to prove that this is so.


Cane Toad: "Okay sir! I'll catch up!"

The Ridiculous
coursework folder remains seriously incomplete and he failed to achieve a grade in the vital drama-based Speaking and Listening assignment. He was absent from the two mock exams. In lessons he is often moody, easily distracted and slow to settle down to work. He rarely has a pen to write with. Often he seems to bitterly resent correction or pressure. He has some natural ability but so far hasn’t made the most of it. However, it is still not too late to make amends though time is obviously beginning to run out now.

Cane Toad has remained a disruptive force in the classroom. He wastes far too much time chattering and often fails to follow simple instructions such as “Copy this down” or “Turn to page 23”. He is always looking for cheap laughs from his classmates instead of knuckling down and trying to make the most of his obvious potential. He rarely has a pen to write with and remains behind with his coursework. He failed to complete the Paper One mock exam and was absent from the Literature mock exam.
Now I have to email these comments to school, download them on Monday and paste them in to the networked spreadsheets on which report grades and comments are now collected. No signatures any more and not even any human checking for spelling errors etc.. Last time the system left some of my comments chopped in half - exactly what I'd love to do to Earthworm and Cane Toad!


  1. Yeah but, yeah but...you secondary teachers only have to comment on your own subject - not like us downtrodden, overworked primary teachers wot have to teach 10 subjects and write the whole report...innit!
    PS I was awake at 6am yesterday too but managed to force myself to go back to sleep. ;)

  2. In answer to your question on my blog, YP, Lucia's real name is one of the islands in the Sardinia Sea.

  3. pudding, yorkshire: gets on well with other teachers except primary school ones who think he doesn't work hard enough. suffers jokes as a result of his roast dinner related name but has a new friend in mr crunchyroastpotaotoes who has just arrived from latvia. must try not to project his blog onto the white board during lessons and then type in 30 hits into his site counter. The children's education requires they spend their valable lesson time reading those classic north yorkshire blogs. this is the only way to meet government literacy targets. I knew we shouldn't have put him straight up to secondary from taking the reception class.

  4. Arthur, can I hire you to write the reports for my class in the summer?

  5. Arthur, can I hire you to write the reports for my class in the summer? I'll pay good rates.

  6. CLEWLEY Arthur
    A disappointing lifetime's work to say the least. Arthur is forever answering back and filling his head with useless trivia. Confidentially speaking, his self-esteem may have been damaged by his recent pus-erupting acne outbreak. Tried Clearasil? If he doesn't pull himself together soon, he will never leave Swaledale and his horizons will therefore be narrowed. There are some excellent jobs going on the North Sea oilrigs.

  7. Anonymous6:39 pm

    Hello, great site, I found a lot of useful information here, thanks a lot for Your work!
    With the best regards!

  8. wtf Frank?

    I used to be a teacher... :(

    I guess I just didn't make the grade.


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